If things weren’t going as well as I hoped, I felt I was the one who had to turn it around.
And that’s exactly what I was going to do with this.
FOUR
Harper
“Now,you guys are going to have a substitute teacher tomorrow, and I want to hear that you were all on your very best behavior, can you do that for me?” I looked over my entire class as I spoke, and they cheered their agreement for what I’d said.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I don’t want to come back and hear that any of you were acting up or that you weren’t able to do your work because I wasn’t here to make you get it done. Do you think you can do that for me, too?”
There was more cheering, and I turned to the more advanced students.
“I know you three have gotten a lot of your workbook done so far, so I want you to help out Miss Meagan tomorrow if she needs it. If you need to be the one to help one of the other students with their work, will you do that without being disruptive?”
The three students stared up at me with wide eyes and each gave me a solemn nod. I knew they meant it when they promised me they would try, and I hoped that things would go better for my substitute tomorrow than they normally did when someone filled in for me with this class. Not that my children were bad kids by any means.
Quite the opposite, in fact. I thought the world of all of them, and I truly disliked the idea of not being able to be here for a day. But, life got in the way of my plans, and I was going to the doctor with my mom this week. By the time I’d left her house the other day, I made her promise to let me go with her.
I had psyched myself out too much with my insecurity over cancer, and I wanted the chance to get to talk to her new doctor myself. He seemed like he knew what he was talking about, but I hadn’t yet met him face to face, and I wanted to know the person who was treating my mother.
But, I could deal with all that tomorrow. Right now, I had to make sure my boys and girls were going to behave for our new teacher. I hated leaving them and coming back to an ill report. The last thing I wanted to hear from any substitute was that anyone in particular was struggling. If there was some way I could come back and hear they were all fine and did a great job with their work, I would be elated.
It gave me an idea, but I wasn’t sure how much I trusted it.
“If I get back here on Friday and hear that you all were good and did as you were told, I’ll surprise you all with a special lunch. How’s that?” I asked.
There was more cheering, and I dismissed the class for the day. I had done my part. There was only so much someone could do to get a group of ten-year-olds to do as they said when they weren’t around to enforce it themselves, and I hoped any substitute teacher came into this with the attitude that they were kids, and they were bound to be a handful to anyone who wanted to give that job a shot.
But, as I watched my students grab their things and head out the door, I smiled. Being a teacher was the one thing I wanted in my life, and I was blessed to be able to have my own classroom. I knew they were unruly at times, but I was okay with that. I liked the spirited kids I had in class, and while I knew they were a challenge any time I left, I never disciplined them for it.
It was good for them to have spirit, as long as I didn’t have to hear how hard it was on the new teacher when I got back. But, I pushed that all out of my mind as soon as I saw my best friend, Raya.
“You want to go to dinner?” she asked. “Figured it’s been too long since we’ve had a date.”
“I’d love to,” I told her. “I’ll follow you; you pick the place.”
“Thought we could try that new Italian place,” she said.
“Perfect.”
I got in my car and followed her to the new little restaurant on the corner. I was glad my best friend came to have dinner with me. I wanted to talk to her about the things that were going on with my mother and how I worried about what that would mean for me in the long term.
“I’m not sure how long she’s going to hold up,” I said. “She’s in remission right now, and that’s a great thing, but think about it. What am I going to do if it comes back? She’s already had the double mastectomy. What do they do after that?”
“Just keep treating it like they would any time it appeared,” Raya replied. “You can’t let yourself get all worked up over the future that you don’t pay attention to what you have going on now.”
“I’m just scared they’re going to put her in some sort of assisted living home,” I told her.
“And if they do, you’ll go there to see her. Don’t view any of this like it’s the end of the world. It’s no different if you go to see her at her place than if you go to see her at some doctor’s,” Raya tried, but I shook my head.
“It’s a lot different. I can’t just dump her off in a place like that. It’s like telling her she’s too sick for me to want to deal with her anymore, and I’m getting rid of the problem.” I sighed.
“Okay, for starters, you’re not getting rid of any problem, and besides that, you work a lot. It’s not like your mom would expect you to give up your life and take care of her at home when you have a career where a lot of people depend on you,” Raya told me.
“And that’s my problem,” I explained. “My mom raised me. She gave up so much to make sure I was happy when I was a kid, then she put me through school so I could be a teacher. How can I just put her in a home now?”
“Because you have a life,” Raya said in a low voice.