“It was fun. There were a few of us down at the Molly Brown, and as you can guess, I got a little tipsy. We did karaoke and played pool. The only thing missing was you,” she said. “I was going to ask you what you were up to, but by the time I saw it was eight last night, I had a feeling you were already pretty busy with your own thing.”
“I was,” I said with a small blush.
“So, it must be going pretty good with this Mr. Right then, huh?” she asked. “I’m happy for you, girl, but I’m telling you right now that you better make me your maid of honor in your wedding, or I’m going to be pissed.”
“Slow down. We just talked about moving forward with our relationship, and now you have us married? I’m going to be planning a funeral next!” I said. But my expression changed.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I mean, I do know. I saw a job offer for Trevor this morning, but my problem is that I’m afraid he’s going to take it. Then again, I’m afraid he’s not going to take it, either, and either way, things are just going to be bad for us.”
“Why?” Raya asked. “What do you mean?”
“It’s all the way in Texas, and they’re talking things like making media contributions and being active in the medical community down there. Not to mention the salary alone he said was like five years’ worth of what he’s making now. He’d be crazy not to take it!” I said.
“Oh, come on, there are a hundred different ways this could work out,” Raya said. “From the way you two have connected with each other since the beginning, I wouldn’t worry about a thing if I were you.”
“Really? You think so?” I asked. I was grabbing onto the little bit of hope she was offering, even if it wasn’t a lot and she had no way of knowing for sure whether what she was saying was true. Just hearing someone else tell me they thought that we were going to get through this just fine left me with some hope.
And I was realizing right now just how upset I was feeling about the entire thing.
I sat with my thoughts while Raya handled the order at the window, then passed me my coffee. We always got the same thing, so she didn’t even have to ask me what I wanted.
“Why don’t you talk to him about it?” Raya asked. “It’s not fair for you to be feeling this way about it and not say something. You can’t do that to yourself.”
“I don’t want him to choose what he’s going to do based on what I say,” I replied. “I don’t know if I have it in me to move to Texas right now, not with how Mom is doing and everything, and if he stays here because he wants to be with me and he misses out on that offer, I don’t know how I could live with myself.”
“But you’re hurting yourself right now by dwelling on this and not talking to him about it. I can tell you all day long what I think the right answer is, but you have to talk to him about how you are going to work through this and what it means for the two of you as a couple. Get the answers you deserve to have from him so you can make decisions that are right for you in this, you hear?” Raya asked me.
“I’m trying.” I sighed. “I just don’t want to be the reason he walks away from what he said he has always wanted in life.”
“Maybe he found something he likes better than what he thought he always wanted,” she said.
I fell silent, thinking about what she’d told me. It was similar to something he had told me that morning. He said that he was in a different place in his life than what he was working toward before, so now that I was in the picture, maybe that would change the way he wanted to do things.
“Just try not to worry yourself sick about it,” Raya told me. “You know there’s nothing you can do by worrying, and you’re just going to stress yourself out along the way. The sooner you can talk to him about this and get some answers, the better.”
“Alright, enough about that,” I said with a sniff. “We’re out here to shop, so let’s forget about dumb boys and the shit they do to us and just spend some money.”
“That’s the spirit.” Raya laughed as we finally pulled into the first parking lot. “Let’s shop!”
TWENTY-SEVEN
Trevor
Sunday was a quiet day.
I hung out with Nick for a bit in the afternoon, and I told him about what happened with Harper and the job offer.
“She didn’t say much about it,” I told him. “Just that she was happy for me. I could tell she was just saying the right thing. There’s no way she’s happy about this. I hardly heard from her at all yesterday, then this morning there wasn’t anything, either.”
“Did you text her?” Nick asked.
“I started the conversation last night, but with how distant she was, I just let the conversation fizzle. I feel like I’m stuck, dude, really. I don’t want to pass up on the job that I’ve seriously been thinking about getting for my entire adult life. But, I also don’t want to walk away from a relationship that is as incredible as this one. I’ve never met another woman like Harper, and in our line of work, you know we meet a lot of people.”
“Right,” he said. “I’m sorry, man, sounds tough. Wish I had something better to give you beyond sympathy.”
“I appreciate even that. I hate that I hurt her, and I wish I could take it back,” I said.