“With us?”
“You all. The team. What’s going on?”
“G, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sal.” He blinked like he knew I was playing dumb. I was, but he didn’t know that for sure. “Everyone is acting strange. No one’s chatty. I don’t see anyone playing around like usual. It looks like it’s the first time everyone is playing together. I want to understand what’s going on, that’s all.”
Once I really thought aboutit, I realized I shouldn’t be surprised he noticed the differences. Of course he would. He noticed because he cared. I complained because Gardner cared and then complained because Kulti didn’t. There was no winning, was there? I needed to embrace the fact Gardner was still around and noticed.
While practices were usually prettyserious, there had always been a playful aspect to our warm-ups and cool downs. We all got along with each other pretty well for the most part, and I think that’s why we worked so well together. No one was a superstar or had a hot-air-balloon-sized ego. We played as a unit.
Of coursethat didn’t mean some players didn’t wish other players didn’t twist an ankle from time to time, but that’s just the way it was.
And yeah, practices had been pretty subdued and had gotten more and more quiet with each passing day. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that it wasn’t the fault of the new players to the team. They were great.
It was the German. If even Harlow was wary of opening up her mouth to complain about him not being active, then there was obviously a problem. I don’t think Har had ever thought twice about the repercussions of speaking up. She was that good and that honest. Yet I’d seen her stand back and shake her head while thefrankfurterin question paced around the outskirts of practices, silent.
Plus, there was my crap with him.
Ileaned forwardto rest my elbows on my knees and lifted up my shoulders in a lazy shrug.
“Tell me what to do,” the coach said, seriously. “I trust your word, and I need to know where to start.”
The t-word, goddammit. Trust was my kryptonite.
Isuddenly feltmy resolve give way and let my head hang down in surrender.
“Well.” I scratched my cheek and gave him a steady look. “What exactly can I say that won’t get me into trouble?”
“What?”
“What will getme in trouble? I don’t want to say something that will get me benched,” I told him carefully, like I hadn’t called the German a bratwurst days before.
The lookhe gave me was incredulous. Gardner looked as if I’d spit in his face. “Is this Kulti-related?”
Giventhe fact that I hadn’t been given parameters yet as to what would get me in trouble, I settled for a nod. I could always say I didn’t vocalize anything with his name in it, right?
“You’re messing with me.”
Ishrugged.
“Explain. You know how much I respect you as a person. I’m not going to rat you out or get you in trouble for being honest with me, give me a break.” He really did look offended that I didn’t want to come out and say something to him.
And yet…
“Sal, I know you’re aware that I’m not blind or stupid. Tell me the truth. I only caught half of what you told him a few days ago. I know he wasn’t friendly to your dad, but I thought that was it. I want to help, and I can tell that this isn’t working the way it’s supposed to be. Every time we’re out on the field, everyone’s acting tense; no one wants to say anything during our meetings. That’s not like you all,” Gardner said. “Usually someone’s arguing about how inflated the soccer ball is, for Christ’s sake.”
Iwantedto slump back in my chair and let my head fall back so that I could stare at the ceiling, but I wouldn’t. Instead, I tugged my Big Girl Socks on a little higher and dealt with what he was saying. “I’m not disagreeing with you. Things are tense and it sucks, G. But you know we have that ‘no whining’ rule, so no one is going to complain.”
“Then tellme what it is. Is it me?”
“Why doyou always do this to me?” I groaned.
He laughed. “Because you’re not going to BS me.” Master manipulator, he was a master manipulator. “I want things to get back to the way they should be, so tell me what needs to be fixed.”
Didn’t he understand? You didn’t threaten a career that had been made up of so much sacrifice for nothing. Each and every single one of us had given up birthdays, anniversaries, a social life, relationships, time with our families and more for what we had. It was precious to me, and I’d be a moron to give it away freely. Every other girl on the team had to feel the same way to some extent. “I know, G, but you know we’re all going to be careful. What do you expect? We were warned from the beginning to watch what we say about Kulti, and then we show up to practice or go to the grocery store and get bombarded with him constantly.”
The sighthat came out of him reminded me of a punctured balloon. He still couldn’t believe it. There were people in life that cared about fixing what was broken and there were people who waited for someone else to resolve their problems. Usually, I liked to think that I went for the things that I wanted, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be the one to say something, especially not in this case.