“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” she quietly asked this gentleman she hardly knew.
“Few things are as hopeless as we tell ourselves they are,” he said. “The trick is choosing to believe.”
Choosing to believe. She could do that. Believing in Scott was not a difficult task. Believing in herself was more of a struggle.
She rallied her courage and moved from the drawing room to the entryway. She closed her eyes for a moment. Breathed. Then she stepped through the door to face her fate.
Scott saw her there almost instantly. She hadn’t been certain what first words she would have preferred to hear from him. “What are you doing here?” were not them.
“I want to—I thought you—” She was losing her courage already. “I came to see Thimbleby.”
“It is a day-and-a-half’s drive from Houghton Manor.” He didn’t sound as if he found the distance something worth traversing.
“Mrs. Brownlow suggested I should come visit you.”
“Why would she suggest that?” Confusion. She’d worried about that response.
At least he wasn’t laughing.
“Artemis and Charlie came as well.” Perhaps he’d be happy about that.
“We haven’t any guest chambers ready for use.”
She’d thought he’d at least look happy to see her. “There was an inn in the village an hour or so back on the road. We can go there.”
“You don’t need to do that.” He had not objected to her staying, but he had yet to say he was glad to see her.
Oh, Mrs. Brownlow, I fear this was a bad idea.
“Mr. Layton, especially, will enjoy having someone other than me to talk to,” Scott said.
That was not at all the response she was looking for.
“The others are in the drawing room,” she said. “This is, of course, your house, so I don’t need to tell you where that is. I’ll let them know you’re here.” She offered a quick curtsy. Chin held high, she turned and walked into the entryway, wishing she hadn’t left home.
Chapter Twenty-two
Was it possible for anexperience to feel familiar even when one knew with certainty that it had never happened before?
Scott had no other way to describe what he’d felt when he’d seen Gillian at the doors of Thimbleby upon his return. He’d come back to what was, at the moment, his home, and she’d been there. She’d stepped out the door as naturally as if she’d done so a million times.
Something about it was so familiar, so right. For the first time since leaving America, he felt truly at home. The enormity of that had muddled his thoughts from the moment his eyes had fallen on her.
He’d known her only a matter of weeks, and in those weeks, he’d laughed more and smiled more than he had in years. In those few weeks, she had become home to him, and he hadn’t fully realized it until that moment.
Watching her expression crumble before she’d turned to go back inside, he knew he had done a horrible job of making her feel welcome. He’d been too overwhelmed to do anything but stumble over his words. What could he say to undo the damage he’d done? Explain that he’d been caught off guard, that he was unspeakably happy to see her? That he was embarrassed for her to see the true state of his house and finances and life?
He could only imagine the expression on his face as he walked into the drawing room. It was likely a mixture of misery and disappointment, frustration and confusion.
Mr. Layton was there with the newly arrived guests, naturally assuming the role of host. That was something Scott’s mother had taught Scott to do, but he’d not undertaken the effort even once. Mr. Layton was proving invaluable in more ways than one.
Charlie slapped a hand on Scott’s shoulder as he stepped all the way inside. “Your place isn’t falling down or crumbling,” Charlie said. “That’s better than you were expecting.”
“And this is more people than I was expecting.” His gaze darted to Gillian, standing apart from everyone else, stoic and upright as a statue. She was hiding her feelings, something she’d shown herself rather good at. He hated that he was the reason she was doing so in that moment.
“What did you discover about lumber?” Mr. Layton asked him.
“That it costs money.” His attempt at a quip wasn’t entirely successful.