“What’s wrong?”
“I just . . . Where’s the bathroom?” I ask although I don’t need to use it. I need a minute and I step away from the table without waiting on Zebb’s direction. I’ve hardly stepped into the hallway leading to where I hope is the powder room when Zebb catches my arm.
“Eva. Talk to me.”
“Why would you do this?” My voice cracks again as a tear slips from my eyes.
“You said you wanted it for your tenth birthday but didn’t get it. I figured your fortieth wouldn’t be too late.” He swipes at my cheek, brushing off the salty liquid. “I messed up again, didn’t I? What did I do?”
I shake my head. “Why are you so perfect? Whoareyou?”
Zebb tugs me to him, holding me against his chest as my arms wrap around his waist.
“Why did you want that toy so much as a kid?”
I shrug against him, but Zebb doesn’t accept the answer.
“Tell me.”
I mutter into his chest which is warm and solid. “I just wanted to escape. My parents always fought, and I wanted to get away.” I consider telling him about my mom and her return now, but the story is just so complicated. “When I was a kid, we took trips, but they weren’t family vacations. Eventually, trips were getaways from the holiday. The camper felt intimate. Like something a family would do, where they’d spend timetogether.”
My dad might have taken me away each holiday, but he’d tuck me in children’s classes, or kid groups, and go off to do adult things. I was more alone on a vacation than I was at home.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I pull back and look up at him. “I’m not upset. I’m overwhelmed. That gift . . . it was too much.”
“Are you two done kissing yet?” Tam calls from the stairway.
“We aren’t kissing,” Zebb hollers back. Then he lowers his voice and directs it to me. “Not yet, at least. I really should have taken you out.”
“Zebb.” My throat clogs. “There isn’t anywhere I’d rather be than here.”
“Jesus,” he mutters. “Now I really want to kiss you.”
However, Tam is close, and she doesn’t need to see us making out. “But not yet,” I say.
Zebb gives me my minute in the bathroom to collect myself and then we spend the next hour putting together any parts that need assembly for my new toy camper. Tam drives it around the living room with her doll inside until Zebb tells her time for bed.
“Ah, not yet.”
“Yes yet. School tomorrow.”
Tam sighs but slowly stands.
“If it’s okay with your dad, I could leave the camper here for you to play with.”
Tam looks at Zebb, hope in her eyes, before turning back to me. “But it’s your present.”
“I’m happy to share.” To my surprise, Tam rushes forward and hugs me where I sit on the couch.
“Happy birthday,” she says with one more squeeze and the damn tears return to blur my eyes.
Zebb stands. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He takes Tam’s hand and then swings her up into his arms. She’s a little big to be carried but every little girl still wants her daddy to carry her sometimes.
I sit in the quiet of their living room and sip another glass of wine. Staring at their Christmas tree, my eyes lose focus. Tears blind me once again as I face what I’ve always wanted and never had.
I glance down at the toy camper. If ten years old couldn’t be special, Zebb wanted to make forty memorable and he’s done everything to perfection.