I focus on Carolyn. “I’m good,” I inform her so she’ll know I’m making my own decisions with some level of coherency. Carolyn is the closest thing I have to a relative now, so she has power of attorney to make medical decisions for me in the event I’m incapacitated. That hasn’t been the case yet, but I’ve been growing weaker every day.
Carolyn’s brow is furrowed. She cups my face and holds my gaze. Seconds tick by. She looks worried. “I hope this doctor can help you. I hate seeing you like this. I feel so helpless. But hon…”
I know what she’s thinking. If I set foot in that club, there’s a chance I’ll never return just like Livy. It’s farfetched. At any given time, there are up to ten men staying at the club. Hundreds of women flock there every night in hopes of being chosen by one of the enormous hunks. Some of them go simply to see what all the talk is about, but everyone who enters the building must sign a waiver saying they understand they might be chosen as a mate, in which case they would not be returning to their regularly scheduled lives.
This is what happened the night I dragged Livy to the club. I wanted to see these sexy men, so I convinced her to be my wingwoman. I’ve felt guilty about it ever since.
“It’s okay,” I tell Carolyn, letting her read between the lines. I honestly wouldn’t care if I met an Eleadian mate and was chosen by him to return to his planet. Except for my friendship with Carolyn and my job, I have nothing anchoring me to Earth. Not in a way that would make me regret leaving.
Carolyn chokes up and swipes at tears. “You’re like a daughter to me,” she whispered. “I want what’s best for you. I hate seeing you suffering. I hope this doctor can help you, and you’ll return to me. I don’t want to lose you as a nurse in my department or as a friend, but if I do…”
My tears are falling again now too. I’m aware the two medics are waiting unobtrusively behind Carolyn. They are graciously not saying a word or pressuring us to hurry.
I reach for Carolyn as she leans closer to give her a hug. A sob escapes. “Thank you for everything.”
“This is not goodbye,” she insists as she releases me.
I force a smile. “Of course not.”
With one last squeeze to my hand, Carolyn steps back and lets the medics expertly move me from the hospital bed to the gurney. They are so gentle I hardly wince even though my skin literally hurts. Everything hurts. My bones, my flesh, my skin, even my hair.
Drained, I close my eyes and drift off again, only to open them what seems like moments later. It’s not though because I’m in the ambulance. It’s not moving. I see the club out the windows when I glance that direction.
“We’re here,” Thomas says, his voice reverent and concerned.
I’ve known Thomas for the entire year I’ve been working at the hospital. I met him on my first day. He’s kind and caring, and he’s obviously interested in me. He always has been.
I’ve considered putting him out of his misery by asking him out and going on a date with him, but it’s never felt right. He’s a good friend. I just don’t look at him like he looks at me. It wouldn’t be fair to lead him on. I don’t feel anything romantic toward him.
“You sure you want to do this?” Thomas asks me. He’s sitting next to me in the ambulance, rubbing his hands together.
I nod. “Yes.” I have to do this. For my peace of mind. If I didn’t, I would always wonder what the doctor could have told me about Livy. Not to mention my “always” might not be that long. I feel like I’m dying.
The rear of the ambulance opens, but the man who comes into view when he steps into my line of sight isn’t the other medic. It’s the guy who guards the entrance to Club Zoom. I can’t think of his name, but I remember him from the night Livy and I visited the club.
“Hey, Janie, my name is John,” he says as he sits across from me. “Not sure if you remember me…”
I nod. “I do.”
He takes a deep breath. “Okay. Good. I know you signed all the release forms the last time you came to the club, but I need you to do so again now. I can’t let you inside even when we’re not open without making sure you understand the possibilities and consent.”
I nod again. “I understand.”
“Are you lucid enough to make decisions like this?”
I’m feverish, but I’m having a moment of clarity. “Yes.”
He lifts up a release form so I can see it. “Would you like me to read it to you?”
I shake my head, though it hurts to do so. “No. It’s okay. I remember the risks.” I hold out my hand. “Do you have a pen?”
Thomas takes the papers from John. “Janie, are you sure about this?” He sounds like he’s going to panic.
I turn toward him. “I’m sure.” This conversation feels surreal. Just because there’s a doctor here who has offered to look at me doesn’t mean he’s going to decide to keep me. It could be he simply has a message from Livy. Nevertheless, I understand the risks.
I ease the form from Thomas’s hands, accept the pen from John, and sign the paper. As soon as I do so, I close my eyes again. So tired.
ChapterThree