“Evan, we’ve been friends for more than two years. I know you’re not a fool who doesn’t care about diseases. And neither am I. If I had even the slightest doubt, I wouldn’t have let you fuck me without one. You’re not some stranger I met in a bar.”
He smiles at me, unconvinced. “I’ve used an escort service…”
“And that’s why I’m sure you’re more conscientious than most guys. And the girls who offer this service are too, especially with certain high-level agencies. Their health and reputation are at stake. Have you ever had sex with them without using a condom?” He shakes his head. “I’d have more doubts about someone who uses Tinder.”
He gently kisses me on the neck, shoulder, then the tip of my nose, and finally on the lips. There is no trace of the authoritarian Evan of a few minutes ago, and perhaps this is what makes my heart quiver in my chest. He separates what happens between the sheets from real life. He knows exactly what he likes during sex, but that never slips into the everyday life of a relationship.
“Come back with me to New York,” he murmurs as he squeezes me closer.
I stiffen. He notices but doesn’t give up.
“No, Evan. I’m not the solution to your problems,” I answer firmly.
“So you trust me enough to have sex without a condom but not to work for me?” There is some disbelief in his question.
“It’s not a matter of trust. It’s that you don’t know what you want. You say you need me, but the truth is you never told me what it is you need from me. Because you don’t know either. I’m the crutch that gives you comfort and security, but you’ve never utilized my true potential.
If it’s an assistant you want, that’s not me, Evan. I did it for over two years because the record company was just starting up and needed everyone’s help. But I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be just an add-on to your work. I want to be your partner. I want to work side by side with you to make Jail Records thrive. I want to workwithyou, notforyou.”
Evan looks at me but says nothing because he’s an intelligent man, and he knows I’m right. He thinks he needs me, but the only thing he needs is to regain the self-confidence this situation has taken from him, making him doubt himself.
I get up, pick up my clothes and try to remember where the bathroom is in this huge house. Not only to put on some clothes after the best sex of my life, but to give Evan time to get his stuff and leave because I know that when I come out, I won’t find him in the living room waiting for me.
“Please tell me Emily has decided to come back, and I don’t have to go to Los Angeles to kick her ass,” Iris begs me before sipping her beer.
I look down at my bottle and shake my head. After returning from Los Angeles two days ago, I spoke to the band. I told them where I went wrong and how I plan to improve. I apologized for not involving them and for messing up a situation that not even their lawyers could solve. Damian is still angry with me, and I know I’ll have to work to be forgiven, but at least they haven’t completely erased me from their lives. I didn’t talk about Emily and my father or what she tried to do to save me. It’s not just my story to tell; I don’t want to betray her trust.
“She needs time. I made a mess, and I have to first think about how to fix it, then convince her to come back.”
I’ve never been more certain of something in my life. I understood Emily’s point, so I left before she came out of that bathroom. I keep asking her to come back but for the wrong reasons. She’s right when she says she can’t solve my problems, and Aaron is right when he tells me that I can’t change what I’ve done, either. I have to change my perspective, and I’m trying to do that.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have waited so long before having sex with her.”
I almost spit out my beer. I didn’t think Emily would say anything. I know they started talking again, but I didn’t think she’d spell it out for Iris. The image of her kneeling in front of me, with her hands behind her back, those perfect breasts within reach, her lips wrapped around my erection, arouses me like she’s with me right now. That vivid image in the middle of a club full of people makes me almost flush.
“What was I supposed to do, jump her when she worked with us?” I sip my beer again under Iris’s watchful eyes. It’s impossible to avoid the topic or lie to her. She caught me by surprise, and it’s obvious she knows all the details.
“Then it’s true that you had sex! Damn, she didn’t want to tell me anything.”
I look at her, shocked, as her words settle in my brain. Her smug smile would be almost comical if she hadn’t just tricked me into confessing. She really does spend too much time with the band.
“If you tell her I fell into your trap, I will rip off your head. She’d never forgive me.”
Iris smiles and shakes her head. “She’d stick my head on a pole for asking you. Don’t worry, I care about my life.” She winks, sipping her beer.
“Good.”
“So now you’re together?” There is some concern in her voice.
“Would she still be in Los Angeles, in your opinion?”
I thought several times about what Emily and I are without coming to an actual conclusion. I’m used to scheduling, following plans, making appointments even to have sex. Emily makes my blood boil so much I can fuck her in the middle of my brother’s living room without caring if the cleaning staff catches us. She’s always been my forbidden fruit; once I’ve tasted her, I can’t help myself. But I don’t know where we are, not with everything that’s going on in my work life.
“Are you going to date her?”
I look her in the eye and see how painful this is for her. She misses her friend, she’s caught up in this mess, and I could completely break this relationship. I’ve always had a rule of not mixing work and private life, but I did exactly the opposite and now I don’t know how to handle it.
“I don’t know,” I admit without having the courage to look at her.