“Sometimes,” I respond, trying not to roar as another spasm shoots pain down my leg. “Nerve damage. Muscle damage.” I swallow down the lump in my throat, not wanting to tell her the rest. Not wanting her to know how many lives I lost in the process of getting that wound.
Delaney nods her head, though I know she still has questions. Thankfully, she seems to understand how difficult it is for me to talk about. She’s got some secrets of her own that I can’t pry out of her.
The little siren shocks me by leaning over and placing the lightest kiss just above my scar. She trails her lips down the marred flesh, loving me, comforting me in the most intimate way possible.
I’m broken open before this angel of light. She’s wrecked me for all time. How did I survive this long without her by my side?
I reach out and comb my fingers through Delaney’s hair before cupping the back of her neck and guiding her to look at me. What I see in her calico eyes blows me away. My sweet girl is devastated over whatever hurt me. She might not feel the same way once I give her my full story. But, if I want the truth from my girl, then I owe her my truth as well.
“Seven years ago,” I start, my voice rough with emotion. “I was in the military. My unit was out on a mission overseas when we were ambushed.” I close my eyes against the memory of that night. “We were hunkered down in our tents, laying low until morning. It was me and one other guy on watch while everyone else got some shut-eye.”
I take a deep breath, bracing myself for the next part.
Delany curls up against me, resting her head on my shoulder while tracing patterns on my chest with her fingers. I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her even closer.
“I didn’t see the drone until it was too late. The first bomb dropped, and all hell broke loose.”
“Oh, Alister,” Delany gasps, her palm covering my heart. I place my hand over hers, keeping it there while I crack myself open.
“One after another, bombs dropped on our camp. Between shooting the drones down, ducking for cover, and trying to get as many soldiers out as possible, I somehow got a thick piece of metal shrapnel stuck in my leg. Didn’t notice it until I collapsed from blood loss.”
Delaney clings to me, her tears wetting the side of my neck where her face is buried. “That must have been terrifying,” she whispers.
“Fear was nothing compared to the shame,” I mutter.
“Shame? Alister, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Tell that to the three men who lost their lives that night.”
“They died tragically, yes, but also heroically. They served their country well. I have no doubt you torture yourself every day about wanting to trade places.”
I grunt because she’s right. She already knows me so well. Too bad I’m not done airing my dirty laundry yet. “Even so, there’s more.”
Delaney peers up at me, encouraging me to continue.
God, she’s looking at me like I’m some hero, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. “I woke up a week later to doctors telling me I’d had two surgeries on my leg and I’d need to be in physical therapy for six months. My commanding officer was in the room when I came to, and I knew she had bad news for me as well.”
I pause, gathering my thoughts. Delaney leans back on the pillows, then guides my head down so I’m resting on her chest. She combs her fingers through my hair, trailing them down my neck and back before reversing their path. I wrap my arms around her and slide my leg in between hers, wanting to be tangled up in my woman. She makes everything better, even the most painful memories.
“My parents and younger sister died in a house fire,” I whisper, barely getting the words out. I haven’t said that out loud in years. Maybe ever. “I wasn’t there. I should have been there. I couldn’t save them, I couldn’t save the men who were bombed, I could hardly fucking function myself most days.”
“Oh, my god,” she whispers, clasping a hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
I sit up, suddenly aware of how unworthy I am to be in Delaney’s presence. My little siren follows me, wrapping herself around my back and holding me close. I relax and lean into her touch.
“That still wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t be everywhere at once. You were wounded! You could have died.”
“Some days, I wish I did.”
“But you survived,” she says softly.
“Like that did anyone any good,” I scoff.
Delaney pinches my side, surprisingly hard, then turns me so we’re face to face. We’re both still naked, and I can’t help my hungry gaze from roaming up and down her bare body.
“Eyes up here, mister,” she snaps. So damn adorable, even when I’m falling apart right in front of her. “You surviving sure didmea lot of good,” she huffs out.
I nod, even managing a smile as I kiss her forehead. “You’re right,” I concede, my heart swelling up in my chest. What if I wasn’t here when the little siren washed up on shore?