I sighed and took a seat on his couch. It turned out it was easy to make a plan in my own room but following through now was a different case. Seeing Knox’s perfect face, watching the easy sensuality he carried, it all said he was the right person to ask even if I really didn’t want to.
He copied my sigh then sat in the chair beside the couch. “If you’re quiet, it must be serious. Just out with it already.”
Like a bandage—just rip it off.
“I wanted to ask you about sex.”
And there went his eyes, widening so there was white all around the green irises. “What?” He almost sputtered.
“Didn’t think that would shock an incubus so much. It’s like a vampire getting weird about blood…”
He opened his mouth a few times before finally getting anything out. “I’m not here for a birds and the bees talk. I’m sure there are books in the library for that.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need to understand the mechanics,” I specified. “I’m not stupid, you know?”
“So what are you asking for?”
I gave up trying to make this less awkward than it was. It was painful and embarrassing but drawing it out wouldn’t make it better. “I don’t have any experience, okay? I’m sure you’ve guessed that much already. I was hoping you could give me some tips, so I’d feel a little more confident. It’s not like I’ve got a dad to go to for advice, so all I’ve got is an incubus.”
Knox sat back, tapping his fingers on the armrest of the chair. “For Hera?”
Would he refuse me because it was her?
Even if a few of us had managed to subtly ignore the way we were all connected to Hera, perhaps this was too much.
I nodded. “She says she doesn’t care that I’ve got no idea what I’m doing, but how can she not? I just want to make sure I’m good to her, that I don’t screw it up, you know?” I tried to ignore how pathetic that sounded.
“I doubt she gives a damn about your experience,” Knox said, his voice soft. At my look, he went on. “Hera’s sweet, and she actually cares about people. That means she’s going to be interested not just in sex, but in beingwith you.”
“But she’s with Brax and with Deacon and with you—confident men who know what they’re doing. How am I supposed to compare?”
Knox blew out a slow breath, then shook his head. “You don’t understand anything, do you? Hell, most people don’t understand, not really. I know exactly how meaningless and transactional sex can be. I could tutor you until you can get her off in a few seconds, but that’s not what either of you wants—trust me. You don’t want sex to just be mechanical. You want it to be more.”
“Can’t you teach me both?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know anything about the sex she wants either. She and I haven’t…”
Thatwas a surprise. Knox was an incubus, so I’d assumed they’d had sex from the drop. The two clearly liked one another, so why hadn’t they?
I didn’t need to ask, though, because Knox laughed then went on. “I don’t want to expose her to my incubus, don’t want sex to be that mechanical thing I mentioned, not with her. It seems we’re more alike than we realized, huh? Both of us wanting more but too damned cowardly to give in.”
I went still as I considered something.
It was a horrible idea, wasn’t it? Completely twisted and wrong and Hera wouldneveragree…
Still…
“What if we worked together?” I asked.
He tilted his head. “What?”
“Well, it seems to me, we’re both holding back, right? Me because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and you because you’re afraid of your other side. What if we tried together?”
“Together?” The one word sat there between us. “You’re saying…”
I finished the thought for him, forcing myself to do so even if I thought he might just punch me in the face for it. “I’m saying that I can remove a shade’s power by physical contact, right? So if I were there, touching you, you’d be only you. Your incubus side would sleep. You’d be essentially human.”
“I’ve seen people you’ve used your power on.”