“Because there are always different types of everything. A house cat and a lion may both be felines, but they are certainly different. There are many types of shades, most who share many of the same traits, but not all.”
“So you’re telling me that you’re a lion and we are cats?”
His smile widened, and it felt more genuine than before. Then again, this was as personal a conversation as we’d ever had. “That sounds egotistical, doesn’t it? The reality is that there are a few Elder shades, as you might say. They are changed more than others, and they retain less of their former human selves. They often age much more slowly, or some not at all. Some lose their human emotions, or even occasionally their memories, as if everything they were was wiped clear when they changed.”
“And that’s what you are?”
“Not all. I have my memories—or rather, I did. They’ve faded through the years and no longer resemble who I am now. They are like hearing stories about yourself as a baby—you might know the stories are true, but you have no connection to the person they are about. You do not remember them or how you felt during them.”
“Do you age?”
“It doesn’t appear so. I am the oldest known shade here—perhaps elsewhere as well. I don’t know about shades at other academies.”
“Just how old are you?”
“Very old. I don’t know the exact age—I wasn’t brought to Larkwood at first. In fact, there was no Larkwood when I changed. I spent years on my own, learning to control my powers, trying to figure out what I was, trying to find more like myself. I had no idea what exactly I was until Larkwood. I can thank them for that if nothing else—they at least gave me a name.”
“So there have been others like you?”
“A few. The more powerful a creature is, the rarer. Larkwood has never had another wendigo, and I have never met another, but there have been others at other academies. It meant I was rather trial and error when it came to how they would deal with me.”
I tried to imagine how it would feel to be that powerful, to be immortal. I couldn’t fathom it. “Why haven’t I heard that? I thought all shades aged like normal?”
“The government prefers people to think that. They like to hide whatever will not serve a purpose for them, at least until they can find a way to use it.”
“You told me before that Larkwood wants everyone to be useful. I’ve seen what you’re capable of—why don’t they use you more?”
“I’m too well-kept a secret to allow me to leave. Besides, while they give me some level of freedom here, I believe they know I could be too dangerous if they allowed me outside of here. Larkwood is a well-madecage. They do not trust me enough to allow me out of that cage. Instead, they bring tasks for me here.”
The room faded around me, losing its definition.
“It seems you are waking. Be cautious, Hera, you have no idea just how many things wait in the shadows for the unaware.”
With that, the world collapsed around me. The sound of a voice brought me to, back to the exam table in Medical. My back was toward the room—I must have rolled over in my sleep.
“Her numbers are stable?” I didn’t recognize that voice, but I didn’t want to turn, to try to see them, because that might clue them in that I wasn’t as medicated as they’d thought.
“Yes. I’d thought they might go down after a while. Occasionally, a shade can have a burst of source levels when they first change that then stabilize to an average range. I’ve never seen them stay elevated this long, which leads me to think they won’t go down.” I recognized that voice as the doctor.
“Will that have any lasting complications?”
“I can’t answer that. It’s something we’ve never seen before. These levels are still many times higher than another other known shade. What that means in terms of her abilities or longevity, I can’t answer. I’d suggest we keep her under close scrutiny and continue testing in the meantime. If she were to have offspring, it’s possible the high source count could impact the pregnancy or even produce something entirely unknown.”
“She has been sterilized, so she shouldn’t fall pregnant. Any male shades are likewise unable to father children. I’ll send out a note to all guards who interact with her about how relationships betweenshades and guards are prohibited. She has seemed to get rather close to a number of males from what I’ve heard. Of course, in the future it might be beneficial to pair her with a shade and see what happens. I’d suggest an Elder—possibly Kit. I’d think that could produce a very interesting result.”
That made my cheeks warm, the fact that they seemed so aware of my personal life. Worse, the idea of sleeping with Kit, of them talking about it so casually made my heart race.
“Your interest isn’t just because of her unusual numbers, is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Numbers this high suggest she was exposed to pure source for a long time. I see no way this could have happened naturally without anyone noticing. If I had to guess, I’d say she was somehow exposed on purpose.”
“That is an interesting hypothesis,” the other voice said. “But it’s also one I wouldn’t suggest repeating too casually.”
The doctor didn’t seem afraid, however, as he went on. “I’m not planning on it. The truth is that we need more information about shades, and we need the ability to test on the shades we have. Otherwise, how are we supposed to stay safe?”
“I’ve heard people say such things before,” the woman said. “However, it’s still not the sort of thing that should be mentioned in general company, given that experimentation on shades is still considered in the legally questionable area.”