“Why are you out here?” I asked him. It was his house and his party.
He sighed. “I needed a moment too.”
He didn’t have to say that being with everyone reminded him of Tallulah. I understood. She had been a part of our group and her not being here now seemed odd. For him it had to be painful. I knew he still loved her, and I was beginning to think he always would.
“She got a house. Ezmita. She got her own place today,” I told him.
“Hmm,” he replied and took a drink. “Guess she wants to be here.”
But did I?
We sat in silence with nothing but the sound of theoccasional car going down the road and the muffled voices and laughter inside the house. Nash had wanted to be here too. This was his home. It was where he wanted to be. He had made that choice.
“Do you regret it?” I asked him, then realized I needed to be clear. He couldn’t read my thoughts. “Staying here and not going to Chicago.”
Nash turned his head to look at me. “Every damn day,” he replied. “Every motherfucking time I take a breath.”
I winced. I knew he still loved Tallulah, but I had thought he’d found a way to get on with his life. “It’s been a year now. Hasn’t it gotten easier?”
Nash took another drink from the bottle in his hand. Then he let out a hard laugh. “No. It hasn’t.” I thought he was done talking, but then he sighed and looked at me. “I was given a choice. I chose what I thought I wanted. This town, my job, security… not once realizing that without her none of this fucking mattered. I chose wrong. Don’t do the same thing I did.”
Our situations weren’t the same, or at least I kept telling myself that. However, I’d had only had that summer with Ezmita but she had stayed with me long after I had left here. “I never wanted to come back here,” I said, although Nash already knew this.
“Five years might have gone by quickly, but we all changed. You aren’t the same angry kid who left here,” he replied as if that answered all my questions.
“You’re right. I’m not the same kid who left, so why the hell does the same girl affect me?” I asked him because even though I didn’t expect Nash to have my answer he was the only person I felt like I could talk to about it.
He shrugged. “You love her.”
I laughed this time. “Loveis a strong word, my friend.”
“Trust me, I know that better than anyone,” he replied.
The door behind us slid open. “You two hiding?” Ryker asked as he walked out onto the porch.
“We were. You fucking found us, though,” Nash replied dryly. Although the two were cousins, they had always seemed like brothers to me. I think we all viewed them that way.
Ryker walked over to the railing and leaned against it to face the two of us. “This about the coaching position or the new history teacher?” Ryker asked.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Did everyone in this town know my business?
“Both. They’re one and the same these days,” Nash told him.
I shot him an accusatory glare. He shrugged. “What? Don’t look at me. This is Lawton. Folks talk. Hell, I would bet every neighbor I got is discussing the new historyteacher over dinner tonight or wondering if you’ll take the coaching position or not.”
I ran my hand through my short hair and groaned. This was why I hated small towns. The gossip. There was never any privacy. Unless your father was beating the shit out of your mother. Somehow he could get away with that and no one would figure it out. The reminder put a sour taste in my mouth, and I stood up. “One of the many reasons I wanted out of this place,” I said.
“It’s got just as many pros as it does cons. Maybe more. Hell, we added a pro today. History teacher is smoking hot,” Nash drawled. I knew he was saying it just to rile me, but I still scowled at him.
Nash started laughing and took a drink. “Go on and take that job in Georgia. Leave Ezmita Ramos here in Lawton. I might not make a move, but someone will. Next thing you know you’ll come to visit and she’ll be married with a kid. Sleep on that, why don’t ya.”
“Jesus, Nash,” Ryker muttered. “You’re fucking harsh.”
I wanted to ignore the image in my head, but thanks to Nash it was there. It wasn’t going away, either. Damn him and his meddling. He wanted me in Lawton for his sake, and I knew that. However, he was right. One day Ezmita would get married. She would have a family.
Was I ready to see that? Would I ever be?
CHAPTER TEN