“I was tired of listening to his boring ass,” she said, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief. She pushed open the bathroom door, her blond hair coming untied as she struggled with the heavy door. Placing my backpack on the sink, I rummaged for my pills. Finally, I pulled the bottle out. “Why do you have to keep taking that?”
“I’m not sure,” I said, opening the bottle. “I have to take it every day, or my mom would freak out. She said I needed to take it my entire life, and I'm not one to see what would happen if I didn't." I usually didn't take the pills in front of Lori due to her inquisitive nature, but it was an emergency.
“Wait,” she said, grabbing the bottle from me. “There isn’t a label or anything. What if you’re secretly psychotic? And if you stop taking it, you get admitted into a mental hospital?”
“What? It’s just vitamins,” I said, now a little worried. My parents had never explained to me what the pills were. When I tried to ask my mom once, she flipped out.
While Lori inspected the bottle, I tied my curly black hair into a high ponytail. I could see Lori smelling one of the pills from the side of my eye.
“Don’t take these,” she said. “Look how huge they are.”
“I have to take them,” I said, grabbing the bottle from her.
“At least ask your mom what they are first. Goodness, you’re always such a nerd. Following the rules 24/7,” she laughed.
"I'm not," I said. "Girl, I don't play with my life like that- especially since I've taken it since I was thirteen. So anyways, what's new with you?"
"My cousin is getting married this Saturday on a cruise ship. I was invited, but I'm not going without you."
"Yes, you can. It's kind of last minute," I said.
“I know, I don't want to go either, but it’ll look bad. My cousin said I could bring someone,” said Lori. “It’s an all-paid-for trip. Get out of Seattle and hang in the Bahamas for a couple of days.”
“I don’t know,” I said hesitantly. “But it sounds amazing.”
“It’s your parents, isn’t it?” she asked.
“I still live with them.”
“You’re twenty-four years old, for fuck’s sake,” said Lori, zipping up her lint-covered sweater and pushing up her large-rimmed purple glasses. “I’d appreciate it if you came with me. I can’t go alone.”
“I’ll think about it,” I sighed. I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of this until I complied. But I didn’t know how to approach this with my parents. They were super overprotective of me, and I wasn’t even allowed to go on field trips as a kid in the past. “How long is the cruise?”
“Like a week,” she said, smiling mischievously. “You might even meet a guy, and I’ll find myself a rebound boyfriend.”
I was never interested in dating my entire life. Whenever a guy asked me out, I’d find many different reasons not to be with him. It had to be a problem with me.
I was never turned on and didn’t know the feeling of that. I was just never horny for some reason.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen,” I said sarcastically, zipping up my backpack. “Let’s get back to class.”
When Lori left the bathroom, I poured one pill into my hand. It was a translucent pill with gray matter floating around. It looked pretty gross, and I started wondering what it really was.
I threw the entire thing into the trash.
I leaned against the sink, holding my head in my hands. I felt guilty, but I realized I needed to free myself. I hadn’t taken the pills in a few days, and nothing terrible happened.
Maybe I didn't need these damn pills after all.
After a long day of classes, I was finally home.
I sat on the couch, slurping on noodles and watching a reality dating show. It always amazed me how people just fell in love with one another. I wanted that so badly. I’d sometimes cry if a date went particularly bad because I’d sabotage it. I’d make several excuses to guys I dated that we weren’t compatible or refused to go on a second date because there weren’t any sparks. I wanted those sparks.
I just didn’t feel anything toward anyone. Nothing sexual. But it didn’t stop me from watching and dreaming.
I’d probably get medical help for it in the future as soon as I moved out of my parent's apartment.
The front door opened, and my parents walked in after their long shifts at Walmart. My dad stocked shelves, and my mother was a cashier. We lived in a small apartment with the bare necessities in life. Just a basic brown leather couch, a small coffee table my mom found at a thrift store, and a tiny rug so our feet wouldn’t freeze on the wooden flooring.