Sometimes I hate myself.
Actually, it’s not just sometimes. It’s often. Maybe even a lot.
Like right now.
I have a beautiful young girl trembling at my fingertips. A naughty school girl, I call her. She’s about to be punished and then fucked, hard. The way you never would fuck someone you liked, unless you were a total idiot or a sadist. But since this is my fantasy, I get to call the shots.
I want an innocent schoolgirl today. Tomorrow I may want a whore. But that’s tomorrow.
And I will fuck her until she begs for mercy, past the point of fearlessly accepting her punishment. I will fuck her until she cries out, begging me to stop battering her raw pussy.
Why?
Because I am fucked. Fucked up beyond redemption. I have an instinct to humiliate and hurt. I have for years.
But I wasn’t born that way.
No, I learned it the hard way, at the hands of my father’s enemy.
First, they made me beg for his life. Then they madehimbeg. On his hands and knees, with tears and snot running down his face. Me screaming for them to let him go. Take me instead, I pleaded. My family could survive without me. Just not without my dad.
But they took him from us anyway by shooting him in the head. Right in front of me, so close, the warm, metallic blood splattered, then dripped off my face. Seems like it was yesterday. The humiliation of my begging, the shame of my tears, and their satisfaction in not only taking a man’s life but ruining the lives of the people he loved, set me on a path for self-loathing, leaving me with a need to humiliate, as if it would cleanse my soul of the identical stain on it.
And even though I tried to exorcise that stain, it just never faded. But that didn’t stop me from trying.
Like today.
I caress Lu’s ass cheek where she stands in front of me, at my direction, of course. It’s on the small side for my taste, her bottom, but it’s still nicely round, round enough for a girl on the thin side, and firm, as if she is a runner, or at least does a lot of walking.
I slide my fingers into the elastic leg of her panties until my fingers fall between her butt crack. With a forceful motion, I pull one half of her ass open, leaving her to fall into me with a gasp. I take my other hand off her tit and hold her chin, pulling it up to my face, so close I can see the strange specks in her blue eyes, the ones Max told me about.
He sees shit like that. If he’d never mentioned them, I’d never have noticed.
Her lips part the tiniest bit as her gaze locks on mine.
She eitherisa virgin, or a really fucking good actress.
I’m sure it’s the latter.
I lean toward her as if to plant a kiss, and as I near her lips, her eyes flutter closed. She is waiting for me. But at the last minute, I bypass her mouth and instead press to her ear.
“Go stand over there,” I say, releasing my grip on her. “Over there by the bed.”
Her eyes fly open in surprise. She’s thrown off. I love that shit.
She stumbles back, surprised by my rejection.
This girl is good. Very good.
Straightening her back, she smooths her skirt where I grabbed her ass, backing up just until she hits the bed.
“Stop fidgeting.”
She drops her hands to her sides, her fingers in small fists.
“Don’t look at me.”
Her gaze shoots to the floor.