For most of my speech, my eyes were anywhere but on her. My bottom lip quivers as I gather the courage to meet her gaze.
She looks on sadly, shaking her head. “It breaks my heart to hear you say that. I feel I’ve truly failed you if you believe I don’t see you for exactly who you are—a wonderful, kind young woman with a heart of gold.”
She sighs.
“Lainey, if I may, I have no doubt you’ve gathered up a great deal of courage to be able to stand before me and reveal the secrets of your psyche, but I’m much more perceptive than you give me credit for. I’ve seen the unhappiness in you lately, that wild spirit struggling to be free.”
I open and close my mouth, my shock momentarily stealing my tongue.
“Now tell me, do you have some plan you’ve concocted? Are you going to backpack solo across Europe? Hike the Appalachian Trail? Oh dear, are you set on getting a nose ring?”
My brows furrow. “I…hadn’t thought about it.”
“The nose ring?”
“Any of it.”
She looks relieved. “I see.”
“To be honest, I’m uncomfortable even talking about this. I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful or silly…or that perhaps I don’t realize all the ways my life could have been harder.” I pause to mull it over. “The thing is, I’m not looking for some great big change. I genuinely enjoy my life here in Boston with you, only…I think I’d like to stretch my legs. I want more independence. I want to be in charge of my schedule and social life. I want to take on more hours at Morgan’s. Oh! And I want my paychecks to be deposited in a bank account that I manage.” My voice takes on a determined edge as the ball gets rolling. “And I don’t like going to your clubs for those lectures. I hate those snooty old places, but I absolutely must continue to be by your side when you go to the opera and ballet. And no more of you and Margaret picking my outfits for me like I’m a doll!”
I’m almost winded by the end of it, and far from looking disappointed or annoyed, my grandmother almost seems…proud.
“And what about your living arrangements?”
I deflate slightly as I look around the familiar sitting room, the warm and inviting furniture, the well-loved books layered on the shelves. It’s home, especially now with all the familiar Christmas decor in place.
“I was thinking it would be okay if I stayed here…”
She nods solemnly. “I see no issue with anything you’ve asked for, though Margaret will be sad to lose access to your closet.”
I smile at her quip and then let my gaze fall on the Christmas tree once more.
“Is it small of me not to demand more? Am I weak for not wanting to leave this life altogether? Find a little apartment and pave my own way? Not many twenty-five-year-olds still live with their grandmother…”
“So what of other twenty-five-year-olds? Who gets to say what’s best for a person? I think whatever makes you happy should be enough.”
I nod. “True. It’s just… I know we don’t talk about it much, but after losing my parents so young…” I shake away the sadness lurking in the periphery of my mind and heave a deep breath. “I guess I’m just not quite ready to leave you if that’s okay.”
She stands then and walks to me, bending so she can hug me close. She squeezes me against her chest as she leans down and presses a kiss to my hair. I’m enveloped in her scent and softness. Every inch of her is a comfort.
“You’re the most precious part of my life, Lainey, but you should know I’ve never experienced a challenge on earth quite so hard as parenting, and even in my old age, I don’t think I’ve quite mastered it.” She peels back to cup my face with her hand. “You understand I would never have forced you down the aisle if it wasn’t what you wanted.”
I lean away slightly so I can wipe away the residual tears as she continues, “If you’ll let me explain myself, I do admit to playing matchmaker…a bit. Royce was a good man and I won’t apologize too strongly for trying to safeguard your future happiness, but I can see now how wrong I was about the two of you. It’s so clear that you have always been meant for Emmett.”
My jaw drops. “You can’t be serious. Did you not listen to a single thing I just told you? It’s done, these old-fashioned betrothals—all of it.”
She smiles and pats my shoulder. “We’ll see about that.”
“You’ll never stop!” I tease, and she winks and shrugs, playing coy.
“Oh, I don’t think it’s me you need to worry about now…”
Chapter Thirty
Emmett
I receive exactly one gift on Christmas morning, and it’s a note sent directly to my home via courier.