“We didn’t mean to,” Micky says. “It was an accident.”
“I mean, the place is a dive.”
“It’s not that bad,” I say. “And anyway, that’s not the point right now. Let’s just find Ellie and make sure she’s okay.”
“Maybe things might be different if you’d been thinking more like that when you were last at Molly’s.”
Colby turns from the front seat to stare at Ellie’s best friend. “Listen, Dornan. I know you’re worried about Ellie. And I know this situation is fucked up. But we’re handling it. We want to be there for Ellie.”
“Be there? What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that we love her, and we want to be there for her and the baby.”
“Be there?” Dornan says. “Be there as what?”
“As whatever she wants us to be,” Micky says.
“But what do you want?” Dornan flexes his hands in frustration, his biceps tensing.
“We want to be the men in her life,” I say. “Whatever that might look like.”
“And who’s the father? I’m guessing you know or did you all ‘have an accident’.” He places the last part of his comment into air quotes.
“Colby,” I say.
“Fuck.” Dornan shakes his head, and past him, I can see the lights of Molly’s sign illuminating the night sky.
Micky swings the car into the lot, and we all scan for Ellie’s car. It’s over in the corner furthest from reception, and all the lights are off.
“She better not have gotten out of that car,” Colby says, glancing around at the grim neighborhood.
“She hasn’t. She’s there,” I say. Micky pulls up a few spots down, and everyone’s hands fly to the door handles. “Only one of us should go,” I say. “She’s going to get overwhelmed if we all spring on her.”
“I’ll go,” Colby says.
“It should be me,” I say.
“Now isn’t the time for jokes, Seb,” Micky says. “Ellie needs a careful hand.”
“I can be careful,” I say. “Trust me.”
I rarely put myself out there like this, and my brothers stare at me through the gap between the seats.
“It can’t be me,” Dornan says, hanging his head. “She’s never going to speak to me again.”
It isn’t the time or place to console him about the way he behaved. I throw the door open before anyone can disagree and jog over to Ellie’s car. She’s slumped over in the front seat, her head resting against the steering wheel, her hair concealing her face. Her hands have braced either side, knuckles white as bone.
I try the door, but it’s locked. She jumps when I tap on the window, and her head swivels to see who’s there.
“Open up,” I say.
“Leave me alone,” she yells. “Can’t I get even five minutes to myself? Do I get no privacy?”
“Please,” I say. “Just give me five minutes.”
Ellie closes her eyes and shakes her head, and even in the darkness, her face seems shadowed with exhaustion.
“Please, honey. I promise we’ll give you all the space you need after these five minutes are done.”
In my heart of hearts, I’m expecting her to remain stubborn because I’d be the same in her shoes. In just a few days, she’s lost control of her body and of who knows her secrets. She must be so overwhelmed.
When the lock clicks, I don’t waste a second. I’m in that front seat, slamming the door closed and locking the car from the inside. This is my five minutes, and I’m going to make sure no one else can get in this car and undermine it.
I take Ellie’s hand, finding it cold and resistant. I bring it to my lips and kiss it gently. “You know all we want is for you to be okay. That means being okay with whatever you decide. I know Colby’s told you we want you, not just because of some stupid dares or because it’s convenient, but because you’re a part of us.”
Ellie tries to pull her hand out of mine, but I resist. She has to hear me, and I won’t let her pull away again. Not this time.
“You heard Dornan, and mom, and your dad. They’re all disgusted,” she whispers.
“I heard Dornan mad as hell because he feels we didn’t protect you, and he’s right, in a way. He only said all that because he loves you. I saw your mom freaking out when you left because she loves you, and nothing matters more than you being safe. And I saw our dad mad as hell at us for being irresponsible. None of it has anything to do with you and the pregnancy.”
“Of course it does. Nobody will want me to keep the baby. I’m too young and still studying. I’ll become a burden. It’s not fair.”
“Not fair on who? The baby will be a gift, honey. And we can overcome every obstacle you can think of.”
“You just feel guilty,” Ellie says softly. “I know if this hadn’t happened, you’d all eventually move on and find girlfriends. This was all just a dare. None of it was real.”