“Definitely worn out,” I say, but I lift the covers and scoot back across the sheets.
Seb kisses me deeply, and I surrender to everything he wants to do because it feels so right, even in all its wrongness. He spends time kissing across my clavicle, then lower, taking each nipple into his mouth and biting just perfectly to make me squirm. He sucks, kneading my breasts in a way that makes it seem like he seeks comfort in them as well as pleasure. Between my legs, my sensitized clit swells, ready for more.
My traitorous body that never reached a climax with anyone before Colby, Micky, and Seb, now stirs for their touch like an addict. Even when I should be spent, I’m not.
When Seb fucks me, he hooks his arm beneath my neck and holds me close to his chest. He whispers in my ear, telling me how good I make him feel. I grip his back, using my fingers to urge his thrusts, angling my hips to seek the perfect friction.
It feels like forever and no time at all, as though the clock in my room is spinning back and forth. My whole being is becoming confused by the pull and push of the universe and Sebastian.
I keep my eyes closed to the growing light in the room and the knowledge that it’s nearly morning. I let Seb find his release inside me, and I shudder my own in his arms.
“You need to go,” I tell him when I’m sure he has regained enough strength to walk. Seb makes a soft groaning sound, but he draws away, pressing a butterfly kiss to the end of my nose.
“One day, we won’t have to do this,” he whispers. “Just remember that, Ellie. There will come a time when we will be free to be with each other without worrying about what anyone else thinks.”
I nod, but my heart doubts it all.
Because where my stepbrothers are hopeful, I’m a jaded realist.
I love you, bubbles inside me for Seb too. But what’s the point of admitting it when I know my mom and their dad, and there will be no overcoming the fallout that would occur if we ever gave light to our secrets.
When Seb closes the door, I curl into my mattress, burying my face into the pillow. I try to find sleep, but there are too many thoughts buzzing around in my mind, too many reasons for slumber to remain a stranger.
After a while, I sit up to sip some water and feel a strange hollowness in my stomach. It’s more than hunger. More than sadness. The water sits, cool and present beneath my ribs. Not quite right. My mouth fills with saliva, but I swallow it and lay back down, determined not to allow all of my anxieties about our situation to take control.
I sleep for an hour before my alarm rings, and when I sit up to switch it off, my stomach roils, but this time, I have to run for the bathroom.
25
Colby
The retching noise coming from the bathroom is loud enough to wake me. Rubbing my eyes, I open them wide enough to check the clock on my nightstand.
It’s early, but not ridiculously so.
More retching.
I slide my legs from beneath the sheet and sit for a couple of seconds, trying to get my bearings. Then I follow the noise and find Ellie hunched over the toilet, her back heaving.
Shit.
I kneel next to her just as Micky’s door opens.
“Ellie. Are you okay?” I ask.
“Stupid question, Colb,” she says, retching and spitting again.
“Yeah. I guess it is,” I admit, shifting to relieve the pain from my knees on the tiled floor.
“Shall I get her some water?” Micky asks from behind.
“Yeah and close the door.”
Micky pulls the door toward him and disappears down the hall, his quiet footsteps disappearing in the shadowed hallway.
“What the hell did you eat last night?” I stroke Ellie’s damp her hair back from her clammy forehead.
“Same as you,” she mumbles.
“And in the day?”
“Toast in the morning. I skipped lunch.”
Frowning, I grab a washcloth from the vanity and stretch to wet it beneath the faucet.
When I press it to Ellie’s forehead, she sighs.
“Must be a bug, then.”
Ellie sits back, clutching the flannel to her forehead. Her eyes look up to the left, and her brow draws into a perplexed v.
“What is it?”
When her mouth drops open, and her hand lowers from her forehead, I lean forward, worrying she’s going to be sick again. She shoves my shoulder, scrambling into a standing position and bending at the waist.
“What the hell, Ellie.” I’m on my feet in a flash, worrying she’s delirious and might be on the verge of fainting.
“I’m late, Colby,” she hisses.
I glance at my watch, wondering what the fuck she’s talking about. It’s the ass crack of dawn. There’s no way she needs to be in college at this ungodly hour.