And here he is, brought to the bottom rung of the ladder, in a sleazy motel room with his sons, all because of his stupidity and selfishness.
None of us is infallible. We might like to believe we are. We might want to project that to the world, but in the end, our vulnerability.
“It’ll be okay,” Micky says, and I wonder if he’s seen the same thing as me.
“Just do what needs to be done,” Colby adds coldly.
Dad stops and looks at each of us and something in his expression makes me wonder if he’s truly seeing us for the first time, too. “It’ll only be for one night.” He stares at the three beds that we’ll have to share. “I’ll try my hardest to get things back. I promise. And if Lara can’t forgive my stupidity, then I’ll sort us out something else. Something better.”
“Okay, dad,” Micky says.
Colby nods, folding his arms as if to say, ‘you better’.
I look around at all the men in my family, missing Ellie and hating how somber everything has become. This isn’t what I imagined things would be like after the dare. I had so much hope bubbling beneath the surface that she would find happiness in this room with us. Nothing is as I expected it to be.
I don’t do serious, and I don’t do negative. I just want everything to be back to how it was, but I can’t say that without sounding needy and pathetic. So instead, I do what I always do and make a joke.
“You assholes better not snore,” I say, then I toe off my shoes and head to the bathroom. There won’t be a sexy girl in my bed tonight, just an old dude or one of my asshole triplet-brothers.
All I can do is hope that tomorrow will be better. Maybe if I imagine hard enough that Ellie is back in my bed, I’ll manifest it to come true.
20
ELLIE
I’m late for my first lecture. So late that I pause outside the door, too mortified to go inside. I know I don’t look good and walking in is going to draw so much attention.
I’m a statue of grief and panic, putting off what needs to be done as I always do.
There’s no one to dare me out of this funk. I’m on my own.
At least, I am until Dornan finds me.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks. “Aren’t you supposed to be inside?” When he sees my red-rimmed eyes and blotchy skin, he pauses. “Hey… what’s happened? What’s wrong?”
Like an idiot, I burst into tears.
It’s what comes from having too little sleep, frayed nerves, and forgetting to set my alarm. My mom smashing pictures of Harry and the triplets as I left the house hasn’t helped either.
But mostly, I’m wobbly from knowing that Micky, Seb, and Colby didn’t sleep under the same roof last night. I have no idea where or how they are right now, and not knowing makes my heart ache.
Dornan hooks his arm around my neck and tugs me towards his chest, turning so that I’m concealed between his body and the wall behind me.
“Fuck,” he mutters as my sobs wrack my body. His big hand stroking over my back is so comforting that I cry harder, burrowing closer into his soft shirt that smells of the ocean. “God, Ellie. What’s going on?”
“Mom and Harry are splitting up,” I mumble. “He cheated.”
Dornan makes a low rumbling sound in his throat. “Shit, Ellie. That’s harsh. When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. She’s chucked them all out of the house.”
“The triplets too?”
“Yeah. All of them.” My voice breaks as I speak the last word because I can’t imagine what it would have been like for them to wake up with so much uncertainty. Would their dad have gone to be with them? All the questions are just overwhelming.
“Do you know for a fact they’re splitting up?”
I shake my head and look up into Dornan’s concerned eyes. He uses his big rough thumb to swipe away one of my tears and clears his throat. His eyes dart around the hallway like he’s checking we’re alone. “I haven’t ever told anyone this before, and you can’t repeat it, okay? You have to promise.”
I nod, frowning at the serious whispered tone my friend is using. “I’m only telling you this because I want you to understand that although it seems bad right now, things might get better when they’ve run their course. My dad cheated on my mom when I was nine. For a few days, all hell broke loose, but dad didn’t want to leave. He said he made a stupid mistake, and mom forgave him. It was touch and go for a while. It was shitty to be in the house with all that fighting, but they got through it.”