Even when I’m fully dressed, I still feel naked. My lack of panties isn’t ideal under the circumstances. What felt exciting and risqué before now feels seedy and stupid.
Emerging from the bathroom again, I find Sebastian, Colby, and Micky, all fully clothed and standing close. Their matching eyes follow me, but their expressions are different. Micky’s gaze seeks connection and reassurance. Sebastian’s mouth quirks at one side as though he’s fighting against the urge to make light of the situation. Colby is blank faced.
And me? I’m devastated.
I don’t know what to do or how to be.
For the first time in forever, I truly appreciate the patchwork family we’ve had together, realizing that my situation could be so much worse. It could just be my mom and me. It could go back to how it was when dad first left, and I had to be whatever mom needed to stay happy and balanced. I might never live with the Townsend triplets again.
And that is something I just don’t know how I’d deal with.
19
SEBASTIAN
I walk Ellie to her car, signaling my brothers to stay in the motel room. This was my dare, so I feel responsible for ensuring it ends well. My dad has managed to wipe out the chance for us to say what we want to say to Ellie. We don’t want this to be a one-off. We want her to be our girl.
But how can I tell her that now when she looks like she wants to cry, and our lives have just been tossed in the garbage?
“We’ll leave here in thirty minutes,” I say softly as she opens the car.
“Maybe an hour,” she stares across the parking lot, her eyes unfocused. “I don’t know how mom is going to be. It might take me more time to get up to your rooms and gather what you need.”
“Colby’s going to send that list while you’re driving, okay?”
“Sure.” Her eyes drift back to the open door of the motel room, and her lips part. I wait for her to say something, but then her breath comes out trembly, her bottom lip wobbles, and she slides into the driver’s seat without another word.
“It’ll be okay,” I say softly, leaning in to be closer to her. Staring straight ahead, she nods, but she doesn’t believe me.
“You don’t regret the dare, do you?” I ask.
A quick shake of Ellie’s head is all I get in response. What I want is a kiss. A soft, melting kiss that tells me she feels the same. Instead, she reaches for the door handle.
“I’ll bring your things to the sidewalk.”
“Thanks,” I say, taking a step back so she can close the door. And she puts her foot on the accelerator and speeds from the parking lot in a flash.
Back in the room, Colby is pacing like a caged wildcat, and Micky has taken up a position in the old wooden chair that is barely strong enough to hold his weight.
“She’s gone,” I say.
“Yeah. We got that,” Colby snorts.
“Is she okay?” Micky asks.
“I don’t think so.” Shoving my hands in my pockets, I lean against the scuffed wall. “But how much of it is the situation she’s going to walk into at home, and how much is about what we just did, I don’t know.” I huff a sigh and chew on my bottom lip. “Actually, strike that. I know it wasn’t anything I did. I mean, sex like that only leaves a smile on a girl’s face. Now Colby and his black mood and disintegrating prophylactics... that’s another matter.”
“You actually believe I wanted to come inside her?” My brother pauses, staring at me like I’m an imbecile.
The comment was a way to make a joke in a tense situation, but now I come to think of it, maybe my brother isn’t so blameless for ending the evening on a downer. “You always want to be the best at everything. You had to fuck your way through the condom to prove a point.”
“Sebastian,” Micky warns.
“What? You don’t think it’s true. Not even a little. He only went last, so he’d know what Ellie would have to compare him against.”
“I went last because I enjoy watching and because I was trying to work out how the fuck I was going to handle being inside her again, knowing it’s probably the last fucking time,” Colby says, and I’m surprised to see him shake his head, defeated.
Maybe I’ve been too harsh, but it’s difficult not to suspect your triplet of something when it fits with the way they’ve always been. He’s the oldest and the most competitive. I blame my dad for that.
“Whatever,” I shrug. “It doesn’t really matter.”
“It fucking does.” Colby’s eyes widen. “You’re saying I wanted to upstage you. This was about us sharing, about us showing Ellie how we can all be something better together than we are apart. And you’re suggesting I wanted to create some kind of hierarchy already?”