For a flash, I see Colby flinch at my question, and his eyes lower to the computer in front of him. Then he turns his fae-green eyes to me, his jaw ticking with tension. “What do you want me to do, Ellie?” he growls. “I don’t have a frigging DeLorean. There’s no going back in time.”
Rational again.
“I want you to apologize,” I say. “At least be regretful. It’s like it was no big deal to you.”
“It was a kiss in a closet,” he whispers. “Something we’ve all been doing since high school. We didn’t tattoo your skin with our names, for fuck’s sake. It doesn’t have to be a big thing unless you make it one.”
“So now it’s my fault for overreacting.”
“That isn’t what I said,” he says. “Didn’t you have a good time?”
“That isn’t the point.”
“Well, it should be.” A flicker of amusement passes across his infuriatingly perfect lips.
“If pleasure is all you care about, your life is going to be very shallow.”
“I don’t want to patronize you, Ellie, but you need to loosen up.”
“I don’t want to patronize you, Ellie, but I’ll go ahead and do it anyway,” I mimic.
“Listen,” he growls again, leaning close enough that I can see flecks of gold in his eyes. “I felt you grinding against me. I heard you come all over my brother’s face. You loved every minute, so stop pretending it was something hideous and terrible.”
“You might twist my mom around your little fingers, but I’m not so easily impressed,” I say.
He recoils and shakes his head. “I’m not interested in twisting anyone around my little finger. Not your mom, and definitely not you.”
“Good,” I say, breathing deeply and quickly like I’m trapped in a flight response even though I’m coming out fighting.
“As I said before, Ellie, we’re not related. We’re all adults. It doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you want to make it one.”
“What are you insinuating?”
He meets my narrowed eyes with a quirk of his eyebrow and a twist of his lips. “You know there’s that phrase from Shakespeare, ‘the lady doth protest too much’.”
“Fuck, Colby. You’re quoting Shakespeare at me now?”
“I think you liked it. And I think you’d like to do it again, but you’re so fucking uptight that you can’t bear to admit it.”
“I’m not uptight,” I hiss.
“Oh, no.” He looks down at my hands, which are balled into tight fists. His hand brushes my bunched shoulder, and then he shakes his head. “Seriously, Ellie. You need to take a chill pill. And if you can’t find one of those, Micky’s not the only one who’s skilled with his tongue. Another orgasm like that will push the tension right out of your body.”
“I knew it,” I say before my brain kicks into gear and my hand flies to my traitorous lips.
Colby smiles then. A full-on megawatt smile that doesn’t seem to fit his face, even though it would look perfect on almost identical Sebastian. “You tried to work out where we all were, didn’t you?” Leaning in close until his stubbly cheek almost presses against mine, he whispers in my ear. “Lucky Micky.”
I jolt back at the warm gust of his breath and the way my whole body comes alive at his proximity.
“That’s disgusting,” I blurt, and he pulls back, staring me right in the eyes, close enough that I wonder if he’ll kiss me here and now. And fuck, I want him too. I really want him to, with an urgency that I despise. I want it to be a hard, mean, closed-lipped kiss that will bruise. One I could slap him for but mess my panties over in secret. But this is Colby, and I hate Colby, I resent Colby, and I have to live with Colby.
“Keep telling yourself lies, Ellie, and one day, you won’t be able to recognize the truth.”
At the front of the lecture hall, Professor Anderson yells, “RIGHT THAT’S IT. YOU SHOULD BE FINISHING UP NOW,” but I’m so mesmerized by Colby’s close proximity that I don’t move a muscle.
“Fuck off, Colby,” I manage, but it comes out more like a breathy squeak than an aggressive dismissal.
“Micky was right about you,” he says as he backs up in his seat, lowering the screen of his laptop.
“Oh yeah, and what did Micky say?”
Colby shrugs. “You’re not ready for that now. When you are, I’ll tell you.”
And with that, he gets to his feet, stuffing his bag with his possessions before turning to leave.
Thursday will be torture, but when this assignment is done, there’s no reason for me to have to spend any more time with my stepbrothers than I’m forced to. Micky can say what he likes about me. I don’t care what his opinions are.
But as I pack away my laptop, I turn to catch Colby disappearing through the double doors and wish I knew everything.