Fatigue has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with, but I can’t attribute that to the MS, or at least not all of it. I haven’t been sleeping because I’m torn up about Ava.
“It’s not that.” I swallow hard.
“It’s something,” he presses. “You’ve been avoiding me for a while now. Sean has noticed it too, and you brushed off Kavan when he called you the other day.”
I’m guilty of all of that.
I nod. “I’ve had a few things on my mind, Graham.”
“Things that brought you here.” He pats a palm against the countertop. “You can tell me anything. You know that. No judgment here.”
I rub a hand over my forehead. I promised myself on the way here that I’d tell him just enough to take the burden off of me. I won’t bring Ava’s name into this. I can’t ask Graham to keep that in confidence. Sean is a good friend to him too.
“Is it your family?” he fishes for information. “Has something happened with your mom or Roxy?”
“They’re fine.” I meet his gaze with mine. “I told them tonight. I told Jos and Ryden too.”
He blinks a few times. “You told them? You told all of them that you have MS?”
I can’t say I’m surprised that he’s shocked. I made all of my friends swear to keep my diagnosis a secret. I saw no purpose in sharing it with my family. Kavan, Sean, and Graham saw otherwise, but they never broke that promise.
“It was time.” I take another drink from the bottle. “It went better than I hoped.”
“Good.” He nods. “That’s not what’s been weighing on you, is it?”
“No,” I admit. “There’s something else.”
“Or someone else?” he questions with a perk of his eyebrows. “Is this about a woman?”
This is it. This is where I speak my truth for the first time out loud. “I’m in love, Graham. I fell in love with the most incredible woman.”
A smile brightens his entire face. “Fuck. This is good news. We’ve all been dreaming up scenarios about why you’ve been acting like an ass. None of us guessed it’s because you’ve been spending all of your time with a woman.”
I push back from the stool and stand. Needing to stretch my legs, I move to the side of the island. “It’s not like that.”
“Not like what?” He asks. “You’re in love. This is a reason to celebrate.”
I rest both hands on the island. “I broke her heart, Graham. I fucking broke her heart.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
Harrison
The dam that’s been holding in my emotions since I left Ava’s apartment breaks. My shoulders shake. I drop my forehead to the countertop and let out a sob.
“You broke her heart?” Graham repeats what I just said. “Why the hell would you do that?”
“She deserves more than I can give her,” I say. “One day, I’ll be a burden to her, and I want her happy. I love her way too fucking much to expect her to deal with all of my shit.”
“It’s not shit,” Graham argues. “It’s MS, and you’ll deal with it together.”
“How can I ask that of her?” I shake my head. “How can I ask the most incredible woman in the world to stand by my side as this changes me?”
“Have you even told this woman that you have MS?”
“No.” I finally drag myself back up until I’m looking at his face. “I can’t, Graham. I can’t tell her. I want her to live the life she’s supposed to live.”
“Does she know that you love her, Harry?” His arms cross his chest. “Tell me that you told her that you love her.”
“She doesn’t know.”
“Tell her how you feel,” he insists. “What if she’s in love with you too? Did you think about that? If the roles were reversed and she was dealing with this, would you walk away from her?”
“Never,” I spit the word out. “I’d move heaven and earth to make each of her days the best it can be. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
He glances over my shoulder before his gaze sets back on my face. “She sounds special. Very special.”
I nod. “You should see her smile, Graham. There isn’t a better sight on this earth, and the sound of her voice and her laugh. Her goddamn laugh is like magic to me. It echoes in my mind every single second of every fucking day. It’s been two weeks since I ended things and the pain just keeps getting worse.”
Graham rests both hands on the countertop, but he says nothing, so I go on, “I’ll never forget how she looked the last time I saw her. The image of her sitting on her piano bench as I broke her heart haunts me. I’ll never get over her. I love her too much.”
“Wait a goddamn minute.” Sean’s voice comes at me from behind. “Are you talking about Ava? She was dumped two weeks ago. That’s right when you went radio silent on us. This is all adding up.”