“Yeah,” I murmur. “Past tense.”
Turning back, I go on, “I felt something. That part’s still true.”
“But you don’t think he did?”
I almost snap again, but it’s not Lila’s fault I’m pissed at myself.
“What are the chances he felt anything even remotely romantic just from a look, Lila?”
Lila shrugs. “Pretty low. But I didn’t say it. You did.”
“I know,” I say. “But it was just wishful thinking. It always is.”
“Oh, Hal.” Lila runs a hand through her dyed blonde hair. “I want you to be happy. So many men would be lucky to have just a date with you.”
“Yeah,” I say, sighing. “I guess so.”
“It’s true,” she says fiercely. “Are you really telling me that, if my life depended on it, you couldn’t get a date by the end of the week?”
I laugh, shaking my head as I look over at her. She’s smiling, and I can tell it’s because she made me laugh.
I need to stop being so snappy with her when she’s trying to help. It really isn’t her fault.
“What sort of sick setup is that?”
“Just answer. Honestly.”
I sigh. “I think I could get a date. I’m not saying I’m some monster or anything like that.”
“But you don’t want anybody else.”
“No,” I murmur.
“You just want Hayden.”
I glance at the door, but then dad laughs, clearly at something Hayden said, the sound of laughter carries through the air.
“It’s a silly crush,” I tell her. “It’s over now. It has to be. He’s back. Dad’s happy. It’s good, in a way, that he’d never, ever want me.”
Lila groans and rubs her face.
“What?” I ask.
“I just wish there was something I could do, some way to make you stop wanting him, you know?”
“I know,” I say. “But don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
I’m not sure if that’s true, but I am sure I can’t stop wanting Hayden.
There’s no way I can just switch that off. My whole body twists up at the thought, as though punishing me for ever thinking I could let him go.
We sit quietly, Lila scrolling on her phone as I return to my video editing. It’s a fun project, a commercial for an activities center. I’m only doing one of the clips, a trial run of sorts, but it’s better than nothing.
A knock comes at the door.
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” Dad says. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
Dad walks into the room, seeming a little less steady on his feet. From what I remember, Hayden doesn’t drink – at least he didn’t, but Dad loves a few beers, especially during a social setting.
“I just wanted to let you know that Hayden’s staying in the spare room tonight. So just be aware, we’ve got company.”
He’s looking at Lila, and suddenly I get it. He thinks Lila is so beautiful, so undeniably attractive – which she is – that something may happen between her and Hayden. Or am I projecting?
Once dad’s gone, I ask her.
Lila sighs, shrugging. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s like dad thinks half the city’s out to get their hands on me.”
“That’s because…” I wave a hand at her. “You really could be a model, Lila. I mean, I’d hate that, but you could.”
“Why would you hate it?”
“I kind of like my psychologist, mind-reading sister.”
“Well, don’t worry,” she replies. “I don’t want him. I’m done with men for a while.”
Lila broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago, and unlike the other times when she said she was going to focus on herself, she meant it this time.
“And if you weren’t?” I ask.
She smiles reassuringly. “I’ve never been attracted to him. He’s all yours.”
“All mine,” I repeat, laughing humorlessly. “I think he might have something to say about that.”
Lila sighs. “Let’s say he was head-over-heels crazy about you. Let’s say he wants you as badly as you want him.”
I sense where she’s going with this, but I can’t help but respond to her words. A tingling, teasing feeling moves over me as I imagine falling into Hayden’s arms, my hands tight against his muscled body, his breath searing hot as he leans down to claim my lips….
“Okay,” I mutter.
“What would you do?” she says. “Because if you and Hayden ever did anything.”
“It would destroy Dad,” I whisper. “I know.”
Lila clasps her hands together as she stares at the floor. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head, wave a hand, and force a chuckle, all in an effort to hide my feelings from Lila. Which I’ve never been able to do and don’t really want to do anyway.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Nothing’s ever happened between us, and it never will. End of story.” I glance at my computer. “I should get back to it.”
Lila yawns, rising to her feet. “Some of us sane people are going to get some sleep. Love you, sis.”
“Love you,” I tell her as she leaves my room.
I spend the next few hours at my laptop, my over-ear headphones on, focusing on my work. I’ve got a few projects on the go, nothing major, but a way to build my profile and hone my skills.