Ihad been burned. The man standing in front of me had been the one to light the match and reduce me to a pile of ash. I had learned the lessons. Felt the pain. Cried all the tears. Risen like a phoenix and flown straight toward the sun again.
So how could I need Knight now? I was scared to need him. Scared more than I could ever put into words. So instead of leaning all in on him, I did what I always did. I called Kimble.
I had to keep moving. Keep thinking. Keep looking until Crew was home.
“What’s going on?” Kimble answered the phone with a question.
“Thank God.” I was relieved he answered without letting it ring a second time. I turned to avoid the look on Knight’s face. “How quickly can you get back to New Orleans?” I wandered into the bathroom and picked up another towel and rubbed it over my hair. I looked at the circles under my eyes. They hadn’t been there this morning.
This morning was another world. Another time. It was when I stood here letting myself daydream. I was steeped in bliss this morning. I was wrapped in afterglow. It was in my eyes. They actually sparkled. I had seen it in the mirror.
I stood at the counter and thought ridiculous thoughts. Thoughts about the girl I was at 22. How much that girl thought she loved Knight. How she didn’t think she would survive our bad ending. That girl couldn’t forgive her father. She couldn’t bear to remember her mother. She built an empire out of revenge and certainty. She stockpiled money and power. The two things everyone else wanted.
It was almost as if I had been given those five years back. Being with Knight had given that to me. Were we allowed to be happy? Had we finally escaped the curse of our fathers? Had the suffering of being apart been soothed and rubbed away? Or was today the reminder that we could never escape?
“Are you okay?” Kimble interrupted. “Are you safe?”
I touched my cheek, reminding myself I was here. “Yes.” I cleared my throat, flashing back to the kidnapping. “But Crew’s not. He was taken at his car. I don’t know who has him. I need you here. Not in—” I wasn’t sure how far Kimble had traveled to look into Knight’s history. My stomach lurched.
“How long ago?” he asked.
I blinked at his abrupt tone. “A couple hours I guess.”
“And no ransom notices?”
“Nothing. Everything has been silent,” I reported. “Everyone is staying quiet. I don’t like it.”
Kimble was quiet. I knew he was thinking. “I’m still in the States. I can fly back tonight and cancel the flight to Paris.”
“Yes. I think that’s best. I need you to find Crew. The same way you found me.”
“All right. I’m turning around for the airport now.”
“Where are you?” I thought he would be waiting to catch his connecting flight inside the airport.
“Philadelphia.”
“What?” My mind raced. “What are you doing there?” We lived in Philadelphia until I was twenty-two. It was where my family was. It was where I was raised. It was home until I claimed New Orleans for myself.
“I don’t have time to get into it now. I’ve got to get a ticket and start making some calls.”
“Kimble,” I warned, but I was too exhausted to lecture. Too tired to tell him to put this investigation into Knight’s past, away. It was costly. Look at what happened to Crew.
“Yes?”
“Let me know the minute you touch down in New Orleans.” Knight was waiting for me. “I’m not sure where I’ll be.” I didn’t want to disclose the meeting with Seraphina yet.
“I will. I’ll text with my ETA.”
“Thank you. And be safe.” I hung up and rested my palms on the counter. My mouth felt dry and my head hurt. The sliver of skin where Kimble had removed my tracker stung from the shower. Should I have left it in? My mind reeled. I couldn’t keep one steady thought.
“Everything okay?”
I turned around when I heard Knight’s voice over my shoulder. I wanted to cling to him. Hold him and be held. We could figure it out. Let our souls thread together and dissolve the pain. Any space was too much, too wide. I didn’t want distance between us anymore. Never again. But I couldn’t take the first step toward him. I was still Kennedy Martin. And she could be very stubborn.
* * *
Knight checkedhis phone as often as I did on the ride out of the city. I had been reluctant to pack a bag, but I did it anyway. The next few days were uncertain. I included a separate bin with files from my office. I wasn’t going to stop working. Renee had given me piles of contracts to read over and sign.