The spice was next level, and things I never knew existed opened my eyes to a whole other world. It’s not like I hadn’t had sex. I just hadn’t had sex like the characters in abook.
Above the desk is a corkboard with photos pinned. There are many of Cole, some of us, and a few with friends.
My feet move toward the desk to observe the photos closer. They are all memories from a time when life was less complicated. At the beginning of senior year, when I had all these hopes and dreams, thinking it would be the best year of my life.
Friends came and went, which is totally the norm in high school. But I never expected my family to be the reason why people wanted my friendship. If my father was a billionaire, then apparently, so was I. Not only were they hung up on wealth, but they were also hung up on my father to the point I was often bullied. I’d walk the halls and be cornered by a bunch of mean girls who would go into detail about their sexual fantasies involving my father.
Their obsession with him got more and more gross as time went on.
Another reason why my resentment grew deeper and why I couldn’t talk to my parents. What would they say?Grow a backbone, Alexa. Life ain’t easy.
Then, there is Cole—my boyfriend.
Our relationship has been strained since the night of the party. The arguments between us escalated over the dumbest reasons. He was embarrassed I’d saved the life of another guy. It was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard. Cole should have said he was jealous because I performed CPR, including mouth-to-mouth. I mean, it’s not like I kissed him. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I become. His immaturity is shining through, which is why I made certain decisions.
As for college, Cole has no idea I’ve been thinking about traveling. He has his whole college life planned out. Frat house, keg parties, and our break-up is inevitable since our views on the next four years are the complete opposite.
He wants to party and …I don’t know what I want.
A gentle knock breaks me from my thoughts. I know it’s Mom, and even though I’m not in the mood, she’s not the one I’m angry at.
“Come in,” I mutter.
The door opens as Mom steps in, softly closing the door behind her. My mother is a very beautiful woman with classic features, which makes her appear ageless. Yet as our eyes meet for a brief moment, I notice the tired expression on her face but quickly glance away to pretend I don’t care.
“I don’t understand where this is all coming from, Alexa,” she begins in an exasperated voice. “This attitude and disrespect for our family.”
“I’m not disrespecting our family,” I answer defensively while crossing my arms in defiance. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”
Her lips purse into a white sash. “Your father doesn’t deserve this.”
“Right …” I drag with a twisted mouth. “Because the great Lex Edwards always gets what he wants.”
It’s Mom’s turn to cross her arms, shaking her head with obvious disappointment. I should have known she would defend her husband over me.What’s fucking new in this family.
Mom points her finger with a stern gaze. “Don’t you dare spin whatever the hell is going on with you and blame our family. You’ve been given a life many girls would die for, and here you are treating us like we’ve done you wrong.”
I’m taken aback by Mom’s raised tone, given the only time she’s fought with me is over petty things like me taking something from her wardrobe without asking.
“Are we done?”
“Alexa,” Mom softens but drops her gaze to the ground. “You need to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you. Whatever it is that has happened to you.”
Mom would never understand. So what if I told her I’d fallen pregnant to Cole but chose to abort the baby because everyone would blame me for ruining their life? What difference would it make now?
It’s over.
“I want to be alone, please.”
I turn my back to face the window and stare into the dark night. Behind me, the door closes, and Mom is gone without another word.
The weight of tonight leaves me exhausted. I take a long shower hoping to relax enough to fall asleep. Like all nights, my eyes grow weary, and I fall asleep within minutes.
But then, the nightmare begins.
I’m lying on the hard bed, alone, staring up at the fluorescent light. Thoughts run rampant, confusing me and leaving me terrified. The nurses enter the room and start prepping, talking amongst themselves, and one even laughs.
I keep thinking about my choice. What if I say no? What if I choose to have the baby? But the fear, it consumes me to the point of silence.