I stand up, throwing my napkin on the table before Ava reaches out and touches my arm softly.
“Alexa, sit down,” she says softly. “It’ll be okay.”
My head shakes involuntarily. “I refuse to sit at this table and be told how I’m going to fail in life without sticking to his rules.”
“Alexandra!” My father's raised voice echoes in the dining room, startling all three of us. He slams his fist on the table, causing the silverware to rattle. “Why must you defy everything I say? What have I done to make you hate me this much, huh?”
If I look away, he will win. He will know his power over me still reigns. If I come back here, everything I’ve experienced in the last year will be wasted, like I’d escaped the dungeon, but the four walls will trap me once again for as long as I need his help.
“I’m leaving,” I mutter.
“C’mon, Alexa,” Ava begs.
For a brief moment, I glance at Mom, staring absently at her hands. Despite my father practically bursting at the seams filled with anger, her still pose, and blank stare speaks much louder words.
I’ve let her down, and quite possibly, that’s what is hurting the most right now.
My hands reach into my pocket as I retrieve my car and house keys. With a deep breath, I place them down on the table.
“I won’t be needing these. They belong to you.”
I don’t look at my father nor allow him to say another word. Instead, I walk away toward the front door with a greater weight on my shoulders. Everything I need or want, I’ve let go of.
It’s now just me fighting to survive.
The door closes behind me but opens in a rush as Ava runs out, all huffed. Her eyes are red, and her lips quiver. She crosses her arms when I stop but lowers her gaze so I can’t see them.
“Why, Alexa? What happened to you? You’re so angry at them, and none of this makes sense.”
The quiver in her voice and her emotions surfacing triggers something inside of me. My stomach churns, and even though we’re standing outside, the heat against my skin has a chokehold on me like I can’t even breathe.
“Ava, don’t—”
She rushes toward me, pulling me against her and holding me tight. In the arms of my big sister, the walls inside of me begin to crumble. A tear escapes me as I shake my head, willing it to stop.
“I’m here, Alexa. I’m here with no judgment,” she offers.
“I know,” I whisper. “But I can’t, not now. I’m not ready.”
And for the first time in my life, I admitted the pain I carried was never going to go away. It followed me wherever I went, and time did not erase it either.
“When you’re ready…” she trails off.
I pull away slowly. “I know you’re here, Ava. But I need to prove to myself that I can do this alone. Without Dad’s help.”
“But why, Alexa? What’s so bad about having Dad’s support?”
“Please, just let me do what I need to do.”
Ava lets me go but keeps close. Without a car, I’d have to call an Uber or ask Ava. As I look down at my phone, I realize my phone and bill are linked to my father. A long-winded sigh escapes me. Why is seeking independence so hard?
Or perhaps, why the fuck am I so stubborn?
“I’m assuming you need a ride home?”
I nod, allowing my pride to take a back seat for a moment. Some of these are worth arguing with, and others not so much.
“What are the chances of a magic carpet pulling up at any moment?” I manage a small smile and then sigh. “Thank you.”