We climb the stairs side by side, and suddenly, my heart is much heavier than it was before. “But I can’t help thinking it’s unfair as hell for them to just go on with their lives like none of this ever happened. I can’t even walk across campus without getting freaked out because somebody ran too close to me. But I’m sure they’re living it up, already going to parties and having fun.”
“I wish they would fry for it. I really do.”
“I know. But still…” We reach the third floor, and I lean against our door while Piper unlocks it. “Is it wrong that I just kind of want to let the whole thing go away? Is that selfish, do you think?”
“I’ve seen what this has done to you. And I’ve heard you while you’re having nightmares.”
I can’t help but cringe. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“It’s not terrible. But you’re obviously going through a lot. I can see why you’d want them to suffer, but I can also see why you would want to let it all go away. That’s totally normal.”
“So I’m not selfish?”
“No. You’re not selfish. You’re doing what you have to do to take care of yourself. That’s not selfish at all.” She drops her backpack on the floor next to her bed before throwing her arms over her head and stretching. “I need a shower. I really worked up a sweat earlier.”
“Please, don’t let me stop you.” I wave a hand around in front of my nose like she smells, and we’re both laughing as she disappears into our shared bathroom.
I’m still mulling things over as I kick off my shoes and pull outBeloved. I heard a couple of people groan when the professor assigned the first five chapters before our next class, like reading five entire chapters is so tough, but all I could do was smile. I know it’s nerdy, but I can’t help it. It’s an excuse to curl up with a good book, and I’ve never been able to resist that.
I’m barely a few pages in when my phone vibrates. I jump at the sensation in my pocket. I forgot the thing was even there; I only carry it around more out of habit than anything else. I still don’t quite trust it, seeing as how Colt and Nix left it for me. What if they’re tracking it somehow? I hate how paranoid they’ve made me.
I should ignore it. I really should. After all, only a few people know my number, and I don’t want to speak to any of them. The sooner I completely cut them out of my life and my memory, the better.
But my curiosity is too much to resist. I won’t absorb any of this material, not if I try for the rest of the day unless I at least see who texted and what they have to say. My heart is heavy with dread as I reach into my pocket to pull out the device. The text is from an unknown number.
Unknown: How is school? - Colt
The phone shakes until the words blur. Finally, I have to put it down and clench my hands together, taking deep breaths to work my way through the flash of panic that’s gripped me. It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m safe here. He’s miles and miles away, where he can’t hurt me. None of them can.
What I ought to do is block his number. I need to ignore this message. It’s the only way to cut him out of my life, right? If I engage with him, that only opens the door to more of the same bullshit. I have to be smarter than that, or else there won’t be anybody to blame but myself for the misery that will surely follow.
Then again…
I bite my lip, staring down at the phone like I’m waiting for it to snap at me. If I can get him talking, I might be able to eventually get some proof. Maybe not right now since it would look too obvious, but eventually. If I convince him I can move on and we can talk like two normal people, he might be more likely to open up. He might spill something he didn’t mean to, something I can use against him—but mostly against his father.
And so, though I don’t want to, I type a message in reply.
Me: It’s pretty good. I was just about to dig into some reading for my lit class. How’s it going there?
Immediately, an ellipsis pops up like he’s replying. I can almost see him sitting with his feet up on his desk or windowsill, or maybe he’s out with new friends. Perhaps he misses having somebody to torment.
Colt: Pretty good. It’s going to take a little bit of getting used to, new people and all that. But the coursework seems like it should be a breeze.
I roll my eyes.
Me: At MIT? Those are some pretty big words.
Colt: Yeah, but how do you think I got in? I know what I’m doing.
Whatever he says. I’m sure his father’s money had a little something to do with the two of them getting in, as well, but I don’t want to think about James, much less mention him.
Colt: Any hot girls there?
He would ask that question. I can’t help but bristle at the way he managed to change the subject so quickly.
Me: I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention to girls, in case you forgot.
Colt: Come on. Even a straight girl knows when another girl is hot.