“Please, I can’t do it,” I whisper, crossing my arms over my abdomen. “I just can’t, Colt.”
“You know it’s not going to work that way.”
“Why not? I’m only human. I’m not a machine or a blow-up doll. I don’t feel well. I hurt all over. Can’t you try to get through to him?”
“Yeah, right.” He flings the blankets away before folding his arms. “You need to eat something. You can’t starve yourself to death.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do. But it’s not like I’m in a big hurry to spend time with you guys. Don’t act like you don’t understand why I’d feel that way.”
“You still need to eat. Come on. One more day. You just have to get through today and tonight.”
“So it seriously doesn’t matter that I’m begging you to help me?”
“I’m trying to help you, but you’re too stubborn to see it.”
“Yeah, right. You’ve been so helpful.”
“Look, I’ll try, but I’m not going to promise something I know is impossible, and denying him isn’t possible.”
I give up. All we’re doing is talking in circles—and I am hungry, which shouldn’t come as a surprise, seeing as how I didn’t have dinner last night. Not that anybody cared.
He waits while I get out of bed, then leads the way out of the room and down the stairs. I’m so tired, as I always am on the first day. Not that I would expect them to care, even if they could relate to the feeling. I go to the kitchen and sit at the table, not saying a word. Colt only clicks his tongue and mutters to himself as he passes me, then goes to the fridge and pulls out lunch meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. A loaf of fresh sourdough sits on the counter, and he pulls out a bread knife to slice it. That knife is so tempting. What I could do with that knife…
By the time he’s finished building two sandwiches, Nix joins us. He looks like he just got out of the shower. His hair is damp, the T-shirt sticking to his back like he didn’t quite finish drying off before he got dressed. “You feel like making one of those for me?” he asks his brother, jerking his chin toward the sandwiches.
“Not really.” Colt slides a sandwich my way, then sits down across from me with one of his own. Nix only rolls his eyes before throwing his own lunch together, seemingly at random.
“You don’t look so good,” he tells me while he chews, eyeing me up.
“She’s on the rag,” Colt so helpfully explains.
“Oh, well, whatever. It’s just one more night, and we had other plans tonight, anyway.”
“Other plans?”
Colt ignores my question. “That’s what I told her. Just one more night. That’s all she’s got to get through. He’s always been clear about that. Just one more night. Amanda comes home tomorrow, and that’s it.”
“And it will all be in the past,” Nix adds. I can’t tell if they’re both being dismissive or if they are this desperate to make me go along without arguing.
“That’s really easy for you guys to say,” I remind them. My voice shakes with anger and more than a little bit of despair. “What about me? I’m supposed to forget about this? Pretend it never happened? How is that even possible? Could you ever forget having the sort of things done to you that you’ve done to me?” Now I don’t care about the sandwich, which I was only picking at, anyway. No matter how hungry I am, I can’t seem to muster up an appetite when the time comes.
“Shit happens all the time,” Nix mutters, staring down at his sandwich while he picks the crust away.
“And what about when I meet somebody? How am I supposed to tell my boyfriend about my first sexual experience? What am I supposed to say?”
“Would you shut the fuck up about it?” Nix throws his plate into the sink. “For fuck’s sake, I’m sick of hearing you whine about this.” He storms out of the room, and I can’t pretend I’m not glad. Colt doesn’t say a word, chewing slowly and staring at the wall.
When Nix comes back, this time he’s not empty-handed. “Here.” He slams something down on the kitchen table, something small and metal with a flared base and a rounded point at the tip.
“What is this?”
“What does it look like? It’s a fucking butt plug. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen one before.”
“We’re trying to help you out here,” Colt murmurs. “Whether you believe it or not.”
“You want me to wear a butt plug? That’s the big plan for tonight?”
“The point is to loosen you up for tonight.” Nix stares at me, speaking slowly and deliberately. Like he’s trying to get the point across.