“Something bad happened. Something I need to tell you about. I swear, I didn’t do anything to bring it on. But it happened for sure, and I didn’t want it to.”
She holds up her hand, closing her eyes. “For God’s sake, please, could you let something be about me for once? Why do you insist on making everything about you?”
“I wasn’t trying to, I swear.”
“Right. Tell me another good one.”
“Please, please listen to me.”For once, be my mother. Care about me, love me.I can’t say any of those things, of course. She would probably laugh at me if I did.
“This is my day. Do you hear me? My day. For once, I will not let you make this about you. I’m sorry if you have a difficult time handling that, but that’s how it is.” She runs a hand through her hair, scowling. “It’s bad enough I’m going to have to explain to everyone why my mother didn’t see fit to come to my wedding. I won’t have you screwing this up for me, too, just like she has.”
My shoulders slump, and I look at the floor, dejected but not surprised. “You can tell me about it later, okay?” she adds, but I know better. She’ll conveniently forget all about this. “But it’s going to have to wait until my big day is over. Now come on. We have a lot to do and very little time to do it in.”
What else can I do? I can’t make her care. I’ve spent my whole life trying to make her care about me, to really care about something other than what I can do for her. She’ll never let me live it down, all the money she spent on my training, conveniently forgetting the fact that she was the one pushing me, always on my back, insisting I be the best.
So even though my heart is aching, and I would rather do anything else than face the world today, I follow her down the stairs, where sure enough, an entire team of hair and makeup artists waits for us. Now she’s every bit the happy, blushing bride, accepting a mimosa that one of the makeup people offers.
They offer me one as well, but I shake my head. “No, thank you. I had a little too much at the rehearsal dinner.”
I wish more than anything I could blink and magically be transported to tonight after all this is over.
Instead, I take a seat and let the professionals get to work on me. With Mom chattering on and on in her excited way, at least nobody will expect me to join in the conversation. I can sit here and be miserable alone—which in the end, is not so different from my normal life, anyway.
CHAPTER14
“Can you believe I’m nervous?” My mother laughs softly while checking herself out in her compact, adding a little more powder to her nose as she talks. “James is the one thing in life I’ve ever been completely sure of, but I’m still jittery.”
I’ll try not to take that personally. “You look beautiful. And you know he loves you. You have nothing to be nervous about.”
“I just want everything to go off without a hitch. For once, I need everything to be perfect.”
“It will be.” I’m not even thinking about what I’m saying anymore. The words flow out of me like I’m a robot. I feel numb more than anything else. I’m still angry, but it’s cooled to a simmer. It has to since I can’t spend the entire day full of fiery, murderous rage. I’m still going to have to play nice and pretend to be part of a happy family today.
“This is it. This is the start of our new life. Finally, I’m going to get what I deserve.” I turn away from her, looking out the car window as the driver takes us the rest of the way to the venue. I know better than to correct her. Besides, she didn’t make a mistake. She’s only thinking about herself, as usual. She doesn’t care about what I deserve.
At least I have an excuse to separate from her once we get inside, where guests are already filing in through the front door while we sneak in through the side. “You’ll sit up front,” she tells me before pausing so the photographer can get a shot of her—without me in it, of course.
“I’m not walking down the aisle in front of you?”
“No,” she says with a laugh, looking at me like I’m out of my mind. There I was, thinking I was her bridesmaid or something. There I go again, assuming the best from her. “You’ll sit in the front row, but you’re not going to stand up with me. Nobody is going to steal the focus from me today.” If anything, this is preferable to standing up in front of everybody so they can see me, the girl who got raped by her stepbrother last night.
And here he is, taking a seat in the front row across the aisle separating us. He and Nix both look impressive in their fancy tuxedos. They might even be able to fool people into thinking they’re decent. I won’t let myself look at them. I won’t give them the satisfaction.
As usual, I have no choice in the situation. “Ew. Look at her. She’s barely wearing anything.”
My body goes stiff, my blood turns to ice, and my skin pebbles with goose bumps. I would know Deborah’s voice anywhere. “She can’t even help but be trashy today of all days. I can’t believe you were ever friends with her. I swear, sometimes I still wonder about you, Piper.”
She’s here, too? I slide a look to my right from the corner of my eye, and my stomach drops. Deborah and Piper are my stepbrothers’ dates. Unbelievable. It’s like every aspect of their lives has to ruin mine somehow. The girls are wearing beautiful dresses, both of which are a normal length compared to mine. When Piper winds her arm through Colt’s, I know she’s his date. If I thought it would make a difference, I’d tell her what he did to me last night, but she would only find it funny.
Again, I have to call upon the part of my mind I toughened up for competition. They can’t get to me. They’re nothing, people with no lives at all. I would like to think if I was popular and came from a wealthy family, I would be a little nicer to people.
Today is about Mom and James, anyway. When the music begins, and we all rise, it gives me an excuse to turn my attention in that direction.
She glides down the aisle, her eyes sparkling with tears, both hands wrapped around a bouquet of enormous white roses so fragrant their aroma wafts my way before she’s anywhere close to me. She hands me the bouquet and, strictly for show, leans down to kiss my cheek before taking James’s hand—he’s handsome as always, beaming at his bride.
It’s a very nice ceremony, pretty heartfelt. Mom only breaks down crying twice, giving James the opportunity to give her his handkerchief so everyone in attendance can swoon a little. I know she must be loving this. She’ll be riding this high for ages.
It’s a short event, at least, and before I know it, James and Mom are kissing, and Mom is outstretching a hand to take her bouquet back. I clap along with the rest of the guests as they pass, though unfortunately, my gaze brushes against Colt’s, and an icy chill runs through me, thanks to his knowing sneer.