My heart beats faster at that admission than it did during the fight itself. "Yeah?" I ask in a breathless whisper. "Not just a fuck buddy?"
That finally makes her suck in a startled breath, but she answers immediately. "Not just as a fuck buddy." A small smile lift her lips. "Although you're still the best fuck I've ever had."
I bark out a laugh at that. Then, taking a chance, I reach for Dani's hips so I can pull her between my legs where I'm sitting on the massage table. She lets me move her, which gives me the courage to nudge her shirt out of the way and rub gentle circles on her hips.
I take in a shaky breath before letting my own shields drop. No teasing, no playful comments to lighten the mood, I just let my pain from the past two weeks bubble to the surface and expose every fear that I’m feeling. I let her see my vulnerability.
“If you’re not ready for a full-blown relationship, I don’t think I can do this, Dani,” I admit hoarsely, tightening my hands on her hips in a subconscious effort to ground her to me. Even if it’s just for a little bit longer. “I can’t meet you halfway anymore. I could before, kind of, but I’m so in love with you now that I don’t even think I could handle being friends with you without a piece of me dying every time I see you but can’t tell you just how fucking gone for you I am. When you… said what you did—”
“Aiden,” she chokes out on a sob. She steps further into my embrace, our bodies so close to each other now that her hand barely has room to slide up my chest and settle over my heart. “I didn’t mean any of that, I swear. I realized it the second you walked out. And I am so,sosorry I ever let you hear it.”
And even though the apology soothes the jagged pieces of my heart, I force myself to push her further. To see just how she feels, and how ready she might be for this.
"What about everything you were scared of?" I ask, my gaze boring into hers. Wanting to catch every emotion, every piece of honesty she might give me. "What about your family?"
She pulls in a shaky breath. "I don't care about anyone else. I don't care about divorce rates, I don't care about success rates, I don't care about anything that isn't you and me. I'm done comparing, and I’m done thinking I know why other people’s relationships are the way they are. I just… want you."
My breath leaves me in a rush. For the past few weeks—months, if I'm being honest with myself—I’ve been fantasizing about these words coming out of Dani's mouth. About her admitting that she actually wants me and isn't just using me for a good time.
Even still, I push her a little more. I ask the question that I always sensed was the real fear her past caused.
"And work?"
"I don't care about work," she tries to assure me immediately, but at my raised eyebrow, a blush lights her cheeks. "Okay, that's not true. But I realized it might not be all there is to life. And I don't want it to stop me from finding other kinds of happiness." She swallows thickly, a silver sheen in her eyes as she says, "I would hope I would never have to make a decision between you and photography, but if it comes down to it, I would—"
"Dani," I interrupt sharply. A heavy exhale leaves my lips, even as I wrap an arm around her lower back and sink my other hand into her hair. "I willneverask you to make that choice. I'll never ask you to makeanysacrifice if it wasn't what you wanted. It's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time. I want youbecauseof who you are, and the idea of you changing even a single hair on your head for me kind of makes me want to vomit."
Some of the tension ebbs from my body when my words win me her trembling smile. With the hand holding her neck, I start to stroke my thumb over her jaw. Lightly. Lovingly.
"That's exactly what your dad said," she says thoughtfully.
"Smart man," I murmur.
"He also said I was an idiot."
"Maybe a little."
A laugh bursts out of her, and a smile lifts my lips for the first time. Distantly, I wonder if the sound of her laughing will ever not be my favorite sound in the world.
But when it dies down, the air between us settles. I keep us grounded by pressing my forehead to hers, my thumb continuing to stroke her skin.
"Be with me," I say quietly. "I know it's scary, but I just need you to trust me enough to know we'll figure out anything that happens. Together. I just… I don't want to be without you, Dani."
"I don't want to be without you either," she whispers, pressing her body closer to mine. She hesitates, then adds, "I can't promise I won't have some days in the beginning when old fears pop up, but I’ll never take them out on you again. I don't ever want to panic like that again. I hate myself for hurting you."
I smile, then inch forward just enough that my lips brush against hers. I'm not kissing her, I just want to stamp a promise of my own on her lips.
"Tell you what," I say quietly. "If you promise to come to me with those fears, I promise to talk you down every time and remind you just how much I love you and how good we are together. Deal?"
Her nod is immediate, as is the smile that stretches across her face. "Deal," she whispers. I love the sight of her happiness so much that I can't help reaching for more of it.
"Maybe I'll even issue that reminder with a few orgasms."
Sure enough, a laugh bursts out of her before she throws her arms around my neck, burying her face in my neck and hugging me tight. It's all I can do to tighten my own grip around her waist and brush my other hand down her hair.
"So are we really doing this?" I finally ask, wanting her to say it out loud. Between the past two weeks, the adrenaline of the fight, the emotions of this conversation, it suddenly feels like those words might be the only thing to ground me.
She pulls back to look at me, just far enough that I can see her face as she says, "We're doing this. I love you, Aiden. I'm already so in love with you that even waiting for you in the arena felt like more than I could handle. I was this close to rushing the cage so I could get to you just a little bit sooner—"