I raise an eyebrow in disbelief. “Worse than not having sex the week of the fight?”
He shrugs and pulls me closer. “I’m not really in a sexy kind of mood the week that I’m cutting weight anyway,” he admits, making another giggle slip from my lips.
A thoughtful look crosses his face, and then he says, “I dated a girl once who got mad at me for that. She said I made her feel unattractive when I didn’t want to sleep with her for a whole week.” A frown mars his face. “She also felt guilty for eating carbs when I couldn’t, and blamedmefor the carb-less diet she said I put her on when she decided to match what I was eating. That might have been the last time I ever dated during a fight camp.”
I wince. "Ouch. That sounds painful."
"It was," he says with a chuckle. "Looking back, it wasn't even worth it. She wasn't into any of the stuff I—"
I clap a hand over his mouth, stopping the flow of words even as his eyes twinkle at me.
"You're teasing me," I accuse with an involuntary pout.
"Maybe," comes his muffled response from behind my hand.
Before I can pull my hand away, he licks my palm. When I scowl and pull it back with a shake, he takes advantage of the opportunity and leans in to press a kiss to my lips. "I liked last night," he admits in a raw whisper.
I squirm with discomfort at the direction this conversation is heading. "I—I got a little carried away," I stammer, pushing against his chest. "I'm on birth control, but I probably shouldn't have been so eager to… do that."
A frown creases his forehead. He looks slightly confused and very lost, which becomes apparent when he says, "After everything we've been through, I don't think going without a condom should be that big of a risk, Dani."
At his words, everything in me freezes.
Because the last time someone tried to convince me to start having sex without condoms, the topic was all wrapped up in an even larger argument. One that was solely focused on getting me to make huge changes in my life for a man that I loved.
By a man that I thought lovedme.
And just like that, all the warmth and happiness from last night—from the past few weeks—pops like an overinflated balloon.
Because I realize in this moment that I’m heading down the exact same path I swore I would never,evergo down again.
I’m immediately so lost in the memory, so panicked about making the same mistake I’ve worked for years never to repeat, that it doesn’t even occur to me that I was the one who begged to have sex without a condom last night. Fear is suddenly filling my chest, choking me too much to be rational, and instead, all I hear is Aiden making the sameit’s not a big dealcomment that Matt did five years ago.
"We haven't been through anything," I snap, sitting up and jerking the sheets away from my body. "We’re not even exclusive. I don’t even know if you’re fucking other women. The last thing we should be doing is going without condoms when this entire relationship is based on sex."
Aiden's eyes widen and his head rears back in surprise. For a moment he only stares at me, as if in disbelief over the words that are coming out of my mouth. Then he seems to compose himself, and snap back with matching energy.
"Don't give me that bullshit," he barks, sitting up and jerking the covers off himself. "Don't downplay our connection like that. This hasn't been just sex in weeks, Dani, and you know it."
Now it's my eyes that widen, and my body that's going stiff.
I knew he was lying about keeping this casual. I’ve been blatantly ignoring the fact that Aiden is getting too invested in this relationship between us. I’ve been waving off the little comments, convincing myself that he’s that charming with everyone, that it doesn’t mean anything with me. But based on the look in his eyes this morning, the sheer affection radiating from his expression, there’s no mistaking how he feels about me.
I hated the idea of ending this thing with Aiden so much that I ignored all the warning signs and let this get too deep.
Fuck.
"Don't you dare talk down to me," I snap back. "You don't get to tell me how I feel, or how I feel aboutthis."
"And what isthis?" Aiden questions, straightening up until we're both standing on opposite sides of the bed and glaring at each other. "What lie are you telling yourself this time, Dani?"
My temper flares at that. I don't even care that I'm naked, I just prop my hands on my hips and glare at Aiden.
"We have neveroncehad a conversation about this potentially turning into anything more. You can’t justdeclaresomething and expect me to go along with it."
He throws his hands up in the air in aggravation, completely uncaring about the fact that he's also naked. "We've never had a conversation because you'reimpossibleto talk to about it! You balk at the first sign of emotion!"
Tearing my gaze from him, I start to look for my clothes. I spy my shirt and underwear and angrily throw them both on. "We started this whole thing with the understanding that there weren't going tobeemotions," I remind him. "I never once made this to be anything other than what we said it would be. You don't get to change the narrative now that you… now that you've—"