She’s cutting up the chicken breast on her plate as she asks, "So did you keep the fight? Or did you pass it up because of... everything?"
I finish the last of my salad before diving into the chicken on my own plate. "I kept it," I answer simply. "Coach and I talked about it, and since Dad is okay and my internship isn’t overly time-consuming, I still felt like I could keep it. There's never going to be a perfect fight camp where no wrenches get thrown in, so it didn't make sense to drop out of this one."
Dani nods in understanding. "That's pretty admirable. I imagine a lot of people would've dropped out for less." I only shrug in answer, not knowing how to respond without slipping back into my usual playful façade.
"So are you excited?" she asks, and I let out a grateful exhale that she’s steered us back to the easy questions.
"As excited as anyone can be when they're prepping to get locked in a cage with a man that wants to kill them," I joke with a weak half-grin. Her chuckle further comforts me. "Yeah, I guess I'm excited. I've wanted to go pro for a while now, so I'm excited to test myself against a new level of competition."
She smiles at me, a soft, genuine smile. "I'm sure you'll do great."
“Are you going to come?” I ask her. She’s been supportive of my training, and has made plenty of mentions of wanting to see me fight, so it hardly feels like an off-base question.
But when her expression becomes tense, I wonder if I’ve misjudged something.
“Are people going to think I’m your girlfriend?” she asks tightly. “Are you going to pull me into the cage for a celebration kiss after you win?”
My heart drops into my stomach.
"Only if I lose and need you to kick his ass for me," I joke, my skin turning to ice at the lie.Of course I want you by my side when I win. I wantyou.
And in that moment, I realize just how true that is.
Despite her rules, despite everything we set out to do—or in this case,notto do—at some point between the sex, the laughs, the time spent with my friends… I began wanting Dani for more than just her body, or even her friendship. I began wantingher.Every piece of her, in every way possible.
But she doesn't want the same.
A fact that she emphasizes when she says, "I'll come if I can buy my own ticket and cheer from the sidelines. But I can't be your plus one ticket or anything."
I push my plate away from me, my appetite gone. "Come if you want to, but obviously there's no obligation. It would just be nice to have the support."
She nods eagerly and pushes her own plate away. "I want to come. I want to watch you fight. I'll be there."
I only nod in answer.
Standing from the counter, she asks quietly, "Want to watch a movie or something? I… don't really want to leave yet."
I nod in agreement, even though things still feel a little tense. But even still, I'll take as much time with her as I can get.
"I'll put something on," I agree with a small smile.
We take a seat on the couch, and I choose some weird Netflix movie that I'm not even aware of as I hit play. I couldn't care less what we watch, and when Dani doesn't say a word, I think she doesn't either. We simply settle into the cushions, side by side, and start to watch the movie.
Nothing happens for about fifteen minutes. We're not quite on opposite ends of the couch, but we’re far enough away from each other that we're not touching. Because as much as I'd love to put my arm around her and pull her against my side, that’s always felt like a too-much move. So I sit where I am, not touching her, with my hands in my lap.
It isn't until she scoots closer to me and drops her head on my shoulder that I even notice something is different.
My breath catches at the contact.
I think she hears it, and takes it as permission to move closer, because she shifts farther until her entire side is pressed against mine.
And then she boldly reaches over to grab my hand.
"Dani…" I murmur, unsure. This is unlike anything we've ever done before, and I have no idea how far to push this. I'm solely moving by her lead.
"It's okay," she whispers. "I want this, if you do."
I straighten up at that.If I want this? How could Inotwant this?