We're both quiet in the morning. Other than a mumbledgood morning, Jax doesn't make eye contact with me while we pack up the room. I get a text from Remy that they're coming to the room to help grab all the guys' stuff, so an hour after waking up to an awkward Jax, I'm opening the door to a very happy Remy and an equally happy Tristan standing behind her.
"Morning," my sister chirps as she flounces into the room. "How'd you two sleep?" She freezes when she sees the bed situation. "There's only one bed?"
"Don't even get me fucking started," Tristan growls as he walks in. "If I had more energy when we checked in, I would've raised hell with the front desk for not getting us two beds like I asked. Last thing I wanted was to deal with on the night before a fight was Jax trying to spoon me."
Remy giggles. "He does get a little touchy when he sleeps."
Tristan glares at her, and I'm honestly waiting for an actual growl to sound from him. But Remy just rolls her eyes and slaps his chest. "Relax, ever since I punched him in the face that one time, he won't even come near me, even in his sleep. Mission accomplished. You could easily do the same." Her eyes flash with mischief as a grin slides across her face. "Has he tried to spoon you? Because that could be pretty hot."
This time, a growldoesrumble through Tristan's chest. "I thought I fucked the attitude out of you last night. Guess I have to try a little harder next time."
"Can we not do this first thing in the morning?" Jax snaps.
Everyone's attention shifts to him in surprise. There's no way to hide the fact that he looks exhausted, and currently incredibly frustrated with what's going on. Jax might tease annoyance sometimes, but it's rare to ever see him legitimately irritated like this over something so trivial.
Remy frowns when she notices the same things I just did. She glances at me and asks, "How'd you two do last night?"
"Fine." I somehow manage not to squeak my answer. I don't know if she senses the lie but she looks back at Jax with the same question.
"I'm fine, I just hate Vegas," he grumbles. "Can we get out of here? Even the smell makes me nauseous." He capitalizes on his comment by throwing the last of his clothes in his suitcase.
He goes to reach for Tristan's clothes too, but Tristan darts forward to snatch them from his hand. "Alright, Jesus. Just calm down. It'll take me ten minutes to pack everything." He glares at his friend. "You know, you're going to have to figure out how to make your peace with Vegas if I'm going to be fighting in the UFC. This is where the fights will be more often than not."
"Hey, I held my shit together," Jax defends himself. "At least until last night." His eyes dart to me and away so quickly that even I almost miss the automatic gesture.
It doesn't take long for us to pack up the rest of the room. We take two taxis to the airport, and I'm immediately thankful for the short trip because Jax stays silent through all of it. Thank God we're not on the same flight because I would probably burst from the awkwardness hanging so heavy between us.
The four of us spend the morning together at the airport, Tristan and Remy doing most of the talking and laughing while we eat lunch. Jax's silence is just as unusual as it was this morning, but mine is normal, so no one really says anything. Remy and I have a flight about an hour before the boys do, so when we finally leave them in the seating area, it's with the expectation that we'll meet them back in Philly.
"Everything good?" Remy asks with a skeptical brow raise as we settle into our seats.
"Fine," I answer simply. "Just tired. I think Jax is right, Vegas isn't great."
She chuckles. "No it's not," she agrees, closing her eyes as she drops her head back. Within minutes, she's sleeping, and I'm left alone with the chaos in my head.
I’m stuck in my thoughts for the entire trip home—through the layover, the connecting flight, the Uber ride back to Remy's apartment, all of it. I'm lost in thoughts of not only last night, but also of the past few weeks.
I don’t even mean the breakup—that feels like it happened months ago. I haven’t felt any of the sadness that I would’ve assumed I’d feel, haven’t felt lost or like I’ve made the wrong decision. I’ve actually felt the opposite. In only two weeks, I’ve felt my confidence coming back, and I’ve started to do things that make me happy… I’ve basically started to settle back into my true self.
And it’s all because of Jax.
We may have been able to deny it in the beginning, may have been able to call it natural tension when we were first adjusting to both of us being single in the city for the first time, but this feeling between us is only getting deeper. It feels like lust, but also like something heavier. And I know he's fighting it—because of Remy and our friendship and maybe even my recent breakup—but all of those reasons are sounding but more and more flimsy.
Even before last night, this tension has started to feel suffocating. I've always thought Jax was the hottest alpha male I'd ever met, but it's more than that. He's kind, and funny, and he wears his heart on his sleeve for the world to see. He’s also the best man I know. How could Inotcare for him? In a simpler way, it was the whole reason I had a crush on him when I was a kid: because even as a teenager, he had the best heart of anyone I knew. So if, years later, he's finally starting to take notice of me as a woman, how could I not want to pursue him?
I can't regret coming onto him last night, even if the situation started accidentally. Iwantedhim to make a move, to touch me. I wished, for the first time since I was too young to understand my own desire, that he wanted me back. Not because I want to start a serious relationship or because I think he's my soulmate, but because he's one of my best friends and I want to explore this new connection.
I'm not sure how hard I want to push him on it, though. Last night is just further proof that he feels too many reasons not to give into it, and as much as I want to be an independent woman and take what I want, I also don't want to make him do something he'll regret.
When we get back to Remy's apartment it's late enough that Sunday is over, but not quite late enough to go to bed. I unpack my clothes and try to do a little bit of homework, but I don't get very far because my brain is lost in thoughts of last night—of Jax shirtless, of the feel of his skin against mine, of the feel of his length pushed against me…
I slam my computer closed. Just as I'm standing at the tipping point of my decision, I hear keys in the front door, and the appearance of Tristan standing in the doorway when it swings open is enough to decide for me. Without giving myself a chance to second guess myself, I grab my keys and call out, "Remy, I'm going out. Don't wait up."
Tristan looks like he wants to say something, but he must see something in my eyes because instead, he stands aside as I blow past.
One way or another, Jax and I are getting rid of this goddamn tension.
17