I struggle to wrap my brain around the fact that Jax, one of my best friends, just broke up with me. After barely a few weeks and with no warning.
At that thought, I feel a flicker of anger. It’s lost in the fire of hurt but immediately I realize it’s easier to deal with.
I latch onto it.
I feel angry that he abandoned me. Angry that he made this decision without talking to me.
Angrythat he thinks he knows what’s best for me.
My resentment grows. How dare he assume he knows what I went through? Who is he to make decisions for me? He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He hasno ideawhat I need.
Howdarehe tell me that I’m broken and in need of fixing? And that he knows how tofix me?
I let the anger grow and grow until my tears turn into tears of rage. I’m trembling with fury, clenching and unclenching my fists as I try to remind myself to breathe.
But when the door opens and Remy and Tristan walk in, the walls of anger prove to be completely useless against the river of pain. The second I make eye contact with a shocked Remy, I double over and let the tears run free.
I don’t comprehend Tristan’s muttered curse or the way he whispers something to his girlfriend before rushing out the door. I don’t even register Remy as she approaches me with cautious steps, because I’m crying too hard to notice anything beyond the bone-deep pain.
God, it hurts.How could he do this to me? How could he leave me like this?
“Hailey,” my sister says as she moves to sit next to me on the couch. “What happened? What’s going on?”
It takes me a few minutes to be able to even attempt talking. Remy just stays by my side, stroking my arm in an effort to comfort me.
“He—I—” I start, but I’m still crying too hard and trying to talk just makes me gasp for air.
“Take a deep breath,” Remy murmurs.
It takes me a minute to breathe without feeling like I’m hyperventilating but eventually I’m calm enough to choke out, “He left me.”
Remy freezes. “Jax?”
I nod, unable to say his name out loud. “He broke it off. He said he wanted space.”
She doesn’t say anything but I can sense the tension in her stance. Suddenly I’m reminded of something that Jax said earlier, and then my body freezes, too.
“You told him to do it,” I breathe. I stare at her in shock, the details of Jax’s comment crystallizing in my head. “He did it because of you.”
She jerks back in surprise. “I would never tell him to do that.”
“Not directly, but he did it because of what you said to him.” I jump to my feet and stare down at her, my anger returning. “You’re the reason he just dumped me.”
And still, the anger is ten times easier to deal with than the pain. So I embrace it. I embrace it and aim it at my sister, ignoring my subconscious that’s whispering that nothing my sister could ever do would be deserving of my rage.
“Why couldn’t you just let us be happy? Did it bother you that much that your best friend could like your little sister? Or was it the fact that he didn’t ask your permission before fucking me?”
Remy flinches at my crude words. “Hailey, I would never want—”
“You told him it was too soon. You told him to give me space. How did you think he would take that? He probably thinks that was your way of not giving your approval.”
She can’t quite make eye contact with me as her hands fidget in her lap. “I can talk to him, I never meant for him to—”
I laugh, the sound cruel and harsh. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t even recognize myself right now, but the pain in my chest is turning me into someone else entirely.
“Go talk to him, go let him know he did the right thing. I don’t need someone that’s too scared of my sister to be with me.”
At that, she frowns and finally meets my eyes. “Jax would never hurt you because he’s scared of me. You trump me every time when it comes to that man. How don’t you know that?”