"You two are so adorable,” Lucy sighs. “I always thought you’d be good together but I didn’t know it would be like this. Fuck, I’m jealous."
I turn back to my friend with a smile. But in that glance, I see Dani listening to our conversation with a sad look on her face. When she sees me looking, sees me frowning in confusion about what part of my love for Jax could mean anything less than incandescent happiness, she just gives me an even sadder smile before turning back to her conversation with Max.
* * *
I throw myself down on the couch with a happy sigh. "That was so much fun. I feel like I haven't been out with you guys in forever."
Remy plops down on the loveseat with a grin. "That's because you haven't. Steve loved to steal you away from us."
The smile slips from my face. "Yeah..." I breathe a heavy sigh. "I can't get over how different it feels being free of him. It's like an actual chain is gone from around my neck, like I can finally breathe, and live my life without looking over my shoulder."
Remy's quiet for a moment. Then she says in a small voice, “I'm glad you got away from him. I didn't like what he was doing to you. And I didn't know how to fix it.”
I lie on my back and stare ahead of me, watching the lights of the city dance across the walls of the apartment. “I wasn't always sure I'd get away from him. For a while, I really didn't know how it was going to end.” I sigh, the sound of defeat heavy. “I don't like what he made me become. I'm still messed up over a lot of stuff that he planted in my head. Honestly, watching you and Tristan has been helpful because I feel like I’m re-learning how men should act with their women. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.”
Remy can’t help the smile that my words bring to her face—just as any reminder of her man does. But then she looks at me with a carefully guarded expression, seeming like she’s hesitating saying something.
“How does Jax play into everything?” she finally asks.
I cringe, knowing I should’ve brought him up before this, and feeling guilty that I didn’t. “Heiseverything,” I admit on a breath. “It feels like he’s the one bringing me out of the hole that Steve for me and buried me in.” I sit up and nervously fold my hands into my lap, unable to look at my sister as I mumble, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him. He was helping me so much and we were spending so much time together that when our chemistry became this tangible thing, we just gave into it. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.”
I peek up at Remy from beneath lowered lashes and find her giving me a blank stare that Tristan would be proud of. It’s calculating, and gives me no insight into what she’s thinking. I take a deep breath and say the hardest part. “I don’t think I can apologize for dating him—he’s too important for there to be even an ounce of me that could’ve stopped from starting this up with him. In the past few weeks he’s helped me in ways that I didn’t even realize I needed help with. He’s always been invaluable, but now especially. But… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I shouldn’t have hidden it from you, and I regret that you found out in a way that wasn’t us telling you.” I swallow roughly. “I hope you know that we both love you very much. The last thing we wanted to do is hurt you.”
Remy visibly softens on a heavy sigh. “I know that,” she says. “I could never doubt that. And I can’t say you two don’t deserve all the happiness in the world, or that you’re not a good match for each other. Anyone with eyes can see how smitten you are with him, and how obsessed he is with you. Plus, there’s obviously no way for me to be upset about anything without being a massive hypocrite since Jax was so good about Tristan and I getting together.” She pauses, and for the first time she seems nervous. I knew from the moment she found out that there was abutcoming—this is the moment I’ve been bracing for. I just wish I had an inkling about what she might be worried about. "But…”
There it is.
“…I’m worried that it’s too soon. I know you don’t want to see Jax as a rebound but if you lean on him too much and he becomes a crutch, that’s kind of what he becomes. It’s not sustainable.”
I stare at my sister, stunned. The idea that Jax—caring, selfless, protective Jax—could be anyone’s rebound is insane. It’s more like he’s the kind of guy every girl dreams of meeting.
Remy looks guilty as she continues. “I love you both. So much. But I think you’re still healing, and even though Jax is helping you with things that I’ll admit I have no experience with, there are things that you need to figure out on your own, without his help. Without him being so close and so eager to pick you up and put you back together.”
I finally find my voice. “Remy, that’s insane. There’s no such thing as too much help. Plus, I’m not a broken little doll that needs to be glued back together.” I can’t help the hurt that finds its way into my voice. I love my sister, but she has no idea who I am or what I need—and to hear that she thinks I’m broken hurts.
“Of course I don’t think you’re broken,” she hurries to assure me. “I’m just saying you’re healing from your relationship. And even though Jax can help with things, I just don’t want you to lean so heavily on him.” She sighs. “Just… try not to get too serious too fast, okay? It’s the same thing I told him. I just want to make sure you get over Steve’s bullshit in a way that doesn’t hurt you worse in the end. And that doesn’t hurt Jax…”
My eyes widen. “I would never hurt Jax. That man is a saint and deserves only the best things in the world.”
Remy’s smile is sad. “I know you wouldn’t. He would never hurt you either. I just love you both so much and… I hate the idea of it not working out between you two because you both deserve the fucking world.” She swallows roughly and I’m startled to see her gaze turns pleading. “Just… promise me you’ll try to take it slow. Don’t get too serious too fast. It can only help things to take it easy, right? There’s no reason to rush into anything deep.”
She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than me. And while I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t think I agree with it. Jax can only be a positive in my life right now so distancing myself from him could only hurt me.
I give Remy a sad smile anyway. “I’ll try. But I can’t make any promises, because Jax is ten times greater than even you realize.”
Remy’s smile is sad, too. She stares down at her hands and breathes, “Yeah, he is.”
After a silent, contemplative moment and in an uncharacteristic show of affection, she stands and walks over to me so she can lean down and wrap me in a hug. It’s even more surprising when she tightens her arms and doesn’t pull away right away.
“I love you both. I could only ever wish for happiness for both of you, because you both deserve it more than anyone else I know.” Then, she presses a kiss to my head and pulls away without looking at me. She just walks to the bathroom and starts to get ready for bed.
I stare after her in confusion. I don’t sense that she’s angry, just sad. She really is worried about us. And while part of me loves her for caring, another part of me is still frustrated that she sees me as something broken that I can’t fix myself even with the right tools.
I sigh and rub my temples.
When she comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, I'm still lost in her words. "Night, Hailes," she says quietly.
I sigh. "Goodnight, Remy."