Jax nods in understanding, the skepticism finally leaving his face. I exhale my relief and purposefully ignore the pang of fear that slices through me at the thought of Remy never coming back—to the house or to me.
I'll deal with that issue later.
Jax finally pushes past me into the kitchen, unloading the groceries I didn't realize he'd dropped at the door when he first came in. I quickly reach for the remaining bags and help him unload the food.
"I've been living off fast food and hotel buffet bars," he grunts as he reaches for the sous vide to make steaks. "I'm ready for some healthy, homemade food. Figured I'd make us some steak and vegetables. Maybe some eggs. And some bacon. And maybe a salad? I think Remy said she had some chicken in here that I could throw in a salad…"
I shake my head with a smile. I have never met anyone that can eat as much as Jax does.
"If I throw the steak in the sous vide then instead of lunch we can do an early dinner in a few hours," he muses aloud, staring at the cuts of steak he just bought from the store. I can already tell he's laying claim to the bigger piece, and that he'll finish it all. "I might throw these in and then unpack and work for an hour. I'll make the eggs and bacon while the meat is cooking if you throw the chicken Caesar salad together. Good plan?"
I nod, even though he can't see it because his mouth is still watering over the steak. "Yeah, that sounds good. I might go for a quick run while you work then. Dinner at 5:00?"
He nods and I stand from the barstool to head upstairs to get changed. I barely make it to the stairs when I hear Jax mutter to himself, "It's probably a good thing Remy's not here. I don't think we'd have enough food for her."
I swallow roughly as her name drives another stab of pain through my heart. I sprint the rest of the way up the stairs, wanting to be pounding the pavement and letting the wind and my own physical exertion drive any remaining thoughts of her from my aching brain.
* * *
Thanks to an exhausting six miles, I manage to keep my inner turmoil out of my brain and away from Jax's attention. We make dinner and then hang out on the couch, chatting about his trip and our California friends that he was training with. Talking about fighting is an easy and welcome distraction, and when the conversation dies down, I turn some fights on to keep the topic going.
Eventually we decide to call it an early night. And even though I find myself yawning from the hard run I just put my body through, I can already tell I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.
I say goodnight to Jax at the top of the stairs, ignoring the pang of agony that beats through me when I see him turn into what was Remy's room. I quickly shuffle into my own room and slam the door.
Except here, the pain magnifies. Because she was here, too. With me.
And of course, I hadn't realized it then, but I was already into her at that point. It probably started the night we sat on the couch and quizzed each other. Every question revealed a new side of her that I never anticipated liking so much. I always knew she was smart, and loyal to her friends, but that night I found out she was fierce, and passionate, and smart in a way that she was able to be both of those things yet still stay rational. I learned that she was unlike any woman I have ever known.
And that night she slept in my arms.
And the next night she helped me face the painful issue of my parents.
And then slept in my arms again.
The funny thing is, I'm not even considering the sex we've had. It's not that I don't think it's the most mind-blowing, passionate, addicting sex I've ever had—because it's 1000% that. In all honesty, I don't know how I'll be able to fuck anyone else after Remy.
I lean against my door, nauseous at the thought of sleeping with another woman. I shake the ugly thoughts from my head and instead sit down on my bed, dropping my head into my hands.
I’m not considering the sex because that aspect of our connection just seems like a cherry on top. It makes me think we're more compatible, sure, but sex wasn't the reason I kept looking for more time to spend with her. Maybe at first, but definitely not after the night on the couch. I wanted her around because I actually liked talking to her; I liked hearing what she had to say. And that's never happened with a female. Typically, I can't wait for girls to leave after the sex is over. But with Remy…
With Remy I found myself looking forward to the non-sex part just as much as the sex part.
I groan and throw myself on the bed. I'm definitely not going to be sleeping tonight.
Why did it take Remy leaving for me to realize I want to be with her?
* * *
I can barely function at the gym the next day. I slept, but I didn't sleep. I closed my eyes, but it felt like I had pulled an all-nighter when my alarm went off this morning.
I force myself to fake a smile and a high energy level when I teach morning classes, and later my private lessons. I must do a decent job with my acting because nobody mentions anything to me all day. It isn't until the evening classes start that my mask slips for the first time.
When I realize that Remy trains on Monday nights.
Fuck.Will I see her tonight? Will she treat me like she used to? Or will she ignore me and act like I'm nothing more than a fuck buddy that she got tired of?
I scowl and angrily shake my head clear of ridiculous 'what if' questions. Since when did I turn into such a girl? I'm Tristan fucking West, why are my palms starting to sweat with nerves over a girl I've known for years?