I sighed. “I am,” I admitted. “My mother and father have worked tirelessly to free themselves from the trouble that was coming for the Otleiches, but had that not worked… They would have allowed me to marry Emeric. I don’t know how I can recover from that. Even as they worked to release themselves from their criminal cohorts, they would have continued to use me as a pawn in their game. For how long? What if I’d never played in the tournament? When and how would all of this had come to pass? After I’d married? Had children with the man?” I shuddered.
Despite my parents’ long-term strategy to set themselves free from all of this, none of this had they done with my best interests at heart. Not mine, not Biko’s. It stung to think that no matter what they felt for me as their daughter, they would have continued to use me as long as they felt they had to.
I felt Syndrian’s chin rest lightly on the top of my head. “Hmmm-mm,” he agreed. “Appears as though they would have. But, by the gods, I hope it never would have come to that.”
I turned to face him. “What now?” I asked. “My mother will go to the capital and together, she and my father will testify against Wilmot. Then what happens?”
Syndrian held me closer and placed a soft kiss on the top of my hair. “Emeric will likely be arrested along with his father and just about anyone else the queen fears she can’t control.”
“So I am truly free. But am I safe?” I shivered at the thought of retribution from any of those who’d been crossed by my father. “Surely the queen won’t arrest everyone who might have been harmed by my parents’ turning against the Otleiches? There will be others left, others who have been wronged by my parents.”
“I believe that’s why Drustan is involved,” he said softly. “He’ll no doubt pressure Biko to sell the land and the manor to him. Or maybe he’ll try to recruit Biko. The power structures in all of the shires will be uncertain once Wilmot and Emeric are in prison. That family had tentacles that reached very, very far.”
“What do you suppose Biko will do?” I asked. I laced my hands over Syndrian’s and stroked his fine, strong fingers with mine.
I’d sent Letti off to Neo and Brex’s manor, to deliver the news of my father’s arrest to Biko and Idony. I did not expect them to return to their cottage tonight, but I felt they needed to know they were welcome, and should come home at first light.
Syndrian tightened his hands around mine. “If I am sure of anything, I am certain that Biko will do as his soul commands, and whatever that is will be the right decision. He’s a very good man.”
“One of the two best I know,” I added. I turned to face Syndrian, a question on my heart. “Would you have really done it?” I asked. “Run away with me if I’d been unable to find a way out of my betrothal?”
His lips curled into a sensuous grin. “I would do it tonight, milady. Shall we go away from all of this?”
I considered it for a moment, but shook my head. “I’d like to make sure the staff is secure. If we cannot help them find jobs…” I sighed. “I may not be the lady of this household anymore, but I will not leave the people I care about to an uncertain future. But ask me again in a few days?”
Syndrian chuckled. “I plan to ask you to run off with me every day until you consent.”
I stared into the fire, its heat warming my face. We were as silent as the flames dancing in the darkness.
“I have an idea.” He released me and motioned toward one of the chairs before the fire. “Let’s play a game.”
“Really?” I brightened at the suggestion.
“I know it’s the one thing that will bring you peace,” he murmured. “I’ll even let you win.”
“Let me win!” I stood from the chair and lifted my hands to his face. “My world has changed a bit the last few weeks,” I admitted. “There is now something else that brings me peace.”
I cupped his face in my hands and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. Beneath the thin sleeping gown my body warmed and I dared to lean forward and press a kiss to the hot, smooth flesh above his heart.
“Pali,” he breathed. “You’ve always been an assertive player.” He traced his fingertips along the column of my neck.
“You’ve always been my favorite game,” I admitted, a hot flush flowing past every bit of skin he touched. I gasped as he lowered his lips to my ear.
“You haven’t even seen my moves.” The suggestion in his familiar voice was so delicious and strangely new. His sweet breath tickled my hair sending prickles down the back of my neck.
“Just this once,” I begged. “Show me everything?”
He lifted his head from my hair and met my eyes. We stood before the fire, our feet bare and our hearts open. This was the bedroom I’d been raised in. A manor where I’d learned who I was, who I could never be, and who circumstances would force me to become. But that was all in the past now. Tonight was a brand new start. A new beginning. The start of a freer life that I would create for myself. I may not have had any strategy, no plans or clear understanding of the rules, but I would play this game willingly. On my own terms.
“What do you want, sweet Pali?” He moved his hands to the lace at the front of my gown. “Tell me everything. I cannot promise I will give myself to you only once, though.”
I trembled at the suggestion in his voice. “I want to take the leap. With you. Always with you.”
“Turn around.” Syndrian motioned for me to spin, and I did as he instructed. He fitted his body behind mine and took hold of my sleeping gown at the hips. He lifted it slowly past my ankles, my knees, pausing as the garment reached my hips. “Should I—”
“Don’t stop,” I assured him. I closed my eyes as the cool room air bathed my skin as Syndrian removed my gown.
He tugged it past my hair, smoothing the lengths against my back once I was naked. I faced the fire, the heat inside me and the cool of the room playing agonizing games with my desire. I trembled, anxious and excited, uncertain what would happen until I felt Syndrian’s lips at the back of my neck.