I crossed the cottage and dropped into a chair, overcome by heavy emotion. “Why are you so good to me? You’ve always treated me as one of your own, and I’ve done nothing for you. I’m little more than a child who takes and takes every bit that you offer.”
The woman pressed her lips together before scooting a chair beside mine. She laced her fingers together and rested her hands in her lap. “You know Cyp and I were never able to have more children. I have always felt soul bonded to you. You are the daughter I could never have. The sibling Biko should have grown up with.”
She sighed, a soft breath passing between her lips on a hum. “You are kind and caring and funny. I couldn’t stop myself from loving you, even if I’d ever wanted such a ridiculous thing. That’s why I’ve long welcomed you into my heart and home. It is right that a child take what their parents offer.” She used the corner of her scarf to blot a light sheen of sweat from her face. “And you’ve not had parents who give you the things I have to share. The balance of Efimia, the natural world, depends on each of us giving what we can so that those who lack may find fullness.”
“I feel selfish, though, living in that manor of lies. My life is a façade,” I said quietly. “I steal love from another’s mother while mine…” I shrugged. “The Lombards are an ugly face beneath a pretty mask.”
“Hmmm.” She nodded. “But still, I find peace in the balance. I cannot control Petra or Dennes.” She chuckled at the mention of my father. “I never could. But I have an abundance of love and peace. So I share mine with you. I think I would suffer if I had only Biko to love.” She reached across the space between us for my hands. “I think Biko would be smothered like an ember in a rainstorm if I had no one else to shower with my time and attention. You are a necessary part of our lives, Pali. There is no shame or selfishness in being who you are.”
I met her eyes, mine stinging with hot tears. “Did you ever regret refusing my father in marriage? Did you ever regret choosing your own spouse, your own path?”
“Ahhh,” she said, as if my questions and tears and unusual presence in the middle of the day only now made sense. “Oh, Pali. If you’d known your father when we were young… I admit I never loved him. But he was so handsome, the newly installed lord of this beautiful estate. When I caught his eye, I…” She shook her head. “I fell for his smile and his beautiful hair, truth be told.”
I grinned, having this heard this story hundreds of times over the past thirteen years. “I cannot picture my father wooing any woman. Especially not you. Although he does have pretty hair.”
Idony laughed. “We are indeed so very different. Even were back then. But that’s what made it fun.” She wiggled her brows at me. “For a while, at least. But when I learned I was carrying his child, I knew I couldn’t assume the position of lady. Could never spend my days managing a household.”
“Could never submit to the secrets that keep the Lombard treasury full,” I added, no shortage of resentment in my voice.
“Yes, that too.” She nodded. “I cared for your father, and I know he cared for me. But your mother is the right partner for him. She is the Lady Lombard that this enterprise requires.”
“And you’ve no regrets?” I asked. “It wasn’t strange living all these years so close to my father, each of you with a different spouse?”
“Not at all,” she said, the afternoon sun heating the cottage and bringing the fragrance of wild garlic to my nose. “I loved Cyprian. Ours was a true friendship. A marriage of kindness and laughter. Some passion,” she said, nodding. “Not the kind of bone-melting passion that I shared with your father, though.”
“Ugh!” I groaned, covering my ears as I had every time Idony teased me about the short romance she’d shared with my father. But then I laughed. “I’m so grateful that you’ve spent your years here. Many others would not have been able to live in peace under these circumstances.”
Idony stood from the chair and began preparing water in a pot for tea. “You know why we’ve been able to do so. Partly by choice. Mostly by circumstance.”
I understood that all too well. While I had no idea what my father’s magic was, I knew it was something he’d likely passed down to Biko. I’d inherited my mother’s ability to manipulate fire. But to this day, I did not know anything about Biko’s gifts. I did not know if even he was aware that he possessed something that the queen of Tutovl herself had outlawed. Even as she also decreed that magic, which was very very real, not exist.
How something could not exist and yet also be forbidden… Such was the lot of those like me. Confusion, fear, hiding. No wonder my father had denied his gifts and my parents had insisted I deny mine—despite the cruelty of their methods, it was difficult to find fault with their motives.
As far as Biko was concerned, I’d always assumed that he too could manipulate fire or that he carried some other magic deep within him. Since we’d not been raised under the same roof, I assumed his magic—if he had any—was buried or dead, like my father’s. Perhaps the natural touch that Idony had with plants and animals was an expression of magic, something he’d inherited from her. He certainly was an exceptionally gifted crofter. As close as we’d been over the years, this…this gift that was both burden and curse…was not something we’d ever spoken about freely.
“And have you never sought another’s company?” I asked boldly, pushing past a bit of shyness to press for such private information. “You’ve been a widow now…”
“Thirteen years,” she supplied quickly. “Of course, I’ve had other lovers,” she teased. “Is that what’s on your mind?” Her expression turned thoughtful as she claimed the hot water for tea from the fire. “Pali, are you fearful of what’s to come with this engagement? Now that your plan to avoid marriage has not gone quite as expected?”
“Oh, no, by the gods…” I covered my mouth with a hand. “This is not about that…about intimate matters.” I flushed so hard, I could feel the blood ringing in my ears. Idony had seen me locked in a most sensual position with Syndrian last night. She must have thought I was here for advice about romance. “No, not…no…”
Idony chuckled and rescued me from my stumbling responses. “I have someone special now,” she admitted. “We’re not able to see each other as often as we might like, but I enjoy her company very much.”
“Her?” I echoed, inching my chair closer. “Who is it? I want to know everything! Does Biko know? What does he think? Is it serious?”
“Slow down.” She laughed. “It might be serious someday. We’ll see. You know Letti, do you not?”
I sucked in a loud breath and clapped my hands loudly. “Of course! The stable hand! No wonder you’ve been helping her with Rowan!”
Idony nodded. “Well, I would have helped the horse regardless, but yes. The stable hand. She’s quite a bit younger than me”—she stroked the long strands of gray in her hair—“but I find that like most good things, we balance each other.”
“And the passion?” I pried, shamelessly curious. “Is it the bone-melting type you spoke of?”
At my question, Idony took her turn blushing furiously. “It is,” she said, setting her attention toward steeping dried fruit and tea leaves in hot water. “We certainly enjoy each other’s company.”
I drew in a deep breath, happy that my friend, the mother I wished I’d had, was experiencing some portion of joy and happiness.
“Was this what you came to the cottage seeking, Pali? Are you curious about what’s to come when you’re…” She bit her lip. “Or do you still seek a way out of this arranged marriage?”