“I admit I was curious after hearing of it the other night.” I felt a momentary twinge of regret at making the admission to Idony. She would understand why I sought the winnings. But she would no doubt feel implicated in my need for a heftier purse.
“A woman of your means?” Syndrian roughly shoved the chair back and paced before the fire. “Why? Can you not go to Lord Lombard? I can’t believe the man would refuse his daughter anything she desired. Especially if it would keep her out of Kyruna.”
“You know nothing of my parents. Nothing of what they would and would not do.” Indignation I could not hold back thrust me up and out of my seat. “The trouble I am in is trouble of their creation,” I gritted. “If I’m to care for myself, the duty falls to me entirely.”
“Trouble?” he echoed, inclining his neck. His thick hair struck his back with a soft slap. “What kind of…”
Suddenly, Syndrian crossed the kitchen in enormous strides fueled by an anger the likes of which I’d never seen.
“What has happened? If harm has come to your honor, by the gods…” His nostrils flared, and his hands were gripped into fists so tight, my own hands ached.
“Syndrian, sit.” Idony rested a palm against his arm. “Let Pali explain.”
I shrugged. “There is very little I am able to share. I spent my personal savings on something I desperately needed. My treasury is now nearly spent, but my trouble far from resolved.”
“You need money?” Syndrian’s emotions seemed to swing from enraged on my behalf to enraged at me. “You would consort with murderers and criminals to replace a few pennies from a lady’s purse?”
I flew across the floor at him and jabbed an angry finger at his chest. “First of all, you have no right to suggest that I would travel across the shires seeking pennies for some trifle. Even if I had, that is my right. And it would be no business of yours.” I turned my back on him, surprised that his low opinion mattered so much to me.
The very idea that I had been irresponsible or that I would foolishly risk my safety was insulting, but the disappointment I felt in him surprised me. Why should I care do deeply about his opinions? A man who was nothing more to me than my brother’s best friend. I should not care, should not give it a moment’s attention—not when I had serious matters of my future to sort. That much was clear.
And yet the emotions that curled around my body like a drenched cloak felt suffocating. Irritation. Frustration. And many more which I would not name, not even to myself. All I knew was that I did not care for his reaction at all. I likewise cared little for my own prickly response.
I hardened my heart against the warmth I normally felt for the man, especially standing this close to him. Without turning to address him, I said over my shoulder, “My needs are my business. My concerns are of the utmost importance to me. And I will do as I please to see the matter satisfied.”
“Your needs…” he gruffed, but then looked at Idony as if remembering his place. “Excuse me. I don’t mean to lose my temper in your home.”
“I understand.” A wistful sadness overtook her features. She smoothed the wild curls back from her forehead and sighed. “Pali, I must know… You spent your savings and yet have nothing to show for it?”
She chose her words carefully, and for that I was grateful. “Yes,” I confirmed. “Your friend was able to guide me to the purchase, but…it was unable to be delivered.”
A growl from Syndrian had both Idony and I looking at him. “I care not for riddles,” he said. “Not when the lives of people I care about are at risk.”
People he cares about…?
I pressed my lips together and tried not to overthink his words. He clearly understood that Idony had conspired with me on the purchase that had emptied my savings, but I did not want anyone—certainly not Syndrian—to know that I’d spent my personal savings on a death mask. In the days since the damaged item had been returned to me, I’d not had a moment to tell Idony of it.
“I’m sorry you didn’t reach the outcome you sought,” she said, her voice deeply sorrowful. “In some ways. In others… Well, I place my trust in the fortune ordained by the gods.” She ran her palm along my cheek. “I’m going to the well,” she said. “I’d like some extra water for a bath tonight. I suggest the two of you speak freely while you’re able.”
She pulled on a cloak, then grabbed several buckets and a large metal rod which she balanced over her shoulders.
“Let me help.” Syndrian rushed to assist her, trying to take the balancing rod from her hands.
“No, love,” she said. “I’d like the time alone to think. The activity helps me focus my thoughts. Stay with Pali. Biko may return soon, so…” She looked near tears as she opened the rear door to the cottage. “Use this time together, my loves,” she said cryptically, addressing her words to both of us.
As soon as she left, Syndrian raked a hand along the top of his head, stopping to roughly scratch at the shaved side above his right ear. “By the gods, please, Pali. Tell me what trouble are you in that drives you to Kyruna? To gambling?”
His question was probing, insistent, but with something so raw and tender beneath it, my stomach sunk at the implication. Did he truly care? Was that possible? Or was he like my parents, and Norwin, and everyone except for Biko and Idony…just another person who would insist that I follow a prescribed set of rules and maintain my “position” in life?
“It’s no concern of yours,” I said firmly, braced for the worst from him.
But there was no defensiveness behind my words. As I searched the familiar face, the face that I’d watched over the years as he’d laughed at me, with me, I felt suddenly exposed and uncomfortably vulnerable. The troubled look on Syndrian’s face made me think he truly was fearful. That he was genuinely concerned over the circumstances I faced that had drawn me into a most complicated and dangerous game. The idea was as dizzying as it was dangerous. If I opened up, if I shared anything with him, then all my secrets and all my parents’ lies would release themselves from their deepest hiding spots. I was certain of it.
“Do you think you cannot trust me?” he asked, his face tight. “Do you think, after what we saw tonight, we are not already bound by secrets?”
I covered my face with my hands, visions of the bleeding man and the sounds of fists hitting flesh making me queasy. Syndrian was at my side, his movements quiet and quick.
“Pali.” The rough sound against my ears sent my frantic heart into a full gallop. “Tell me. Trust with me with everything. There is nothing I would not do for you if it were within my power…”