“I love you too, Luke. I don’t ever want to be without you.” She laid her head on my shoulder. I put my free arm around her, but I suddenly started to worry. It had always been at the back of my mind that she wasn’t my mate, but when she said that, realization once again struck that I couldn’t promise her anything. As much as I loved and cared for her now, would I still feel the same way once I finally met my true mate? Was it worth rejecting a fated mate for a chosen one? While I felt very strongly about Lucy, maybe I’d feel even more strongly about my true mate, the new feeling overpowering the one I had now.
Alternatively, Lucy could meet her mate first and leave me for him. My heart sank at the thought. While I’d rather Lucy hurt me than for me to hurt her, I started to consider whether I’d taken things too far. In fact, I knew I had, and I was now playing with fire. While Lucy’s parents were aware we were still seeing each other, I had failed to mention the fact that we’d never broken up to my own, deciding to only break the news once I’d made my final decision on whether to take Lucy as a chosen mate. While my parents weren’t strict about dating like most parents in the pack were, I knew there was an expectation that I’d end up with my fated mate once I met her. But my parents had always been understanding—I’m sure if I decided on a chosen one instead that they’d ultimately understand. I just didn’t want to bother them with the thoughts floating around in my head until I’d made a concrete decision.
I don’t think either of our parents knew exactly how deeply we felt for each other. They had always assumed we were casually dating with the intent to break up once we met our mates—no harm, no foul. But now I wasn’t sure if things were so clear-cut. We were in so deep now that I knew only pain lay ahead, either for us or for our mates.
Chapter 22
Jasmine
OnSundaynight,myparents and I were seated farther back than usual at the temple service, having gotten there later than normal that day. Partway through, the priest welcomed Luke back to the pack and invited Luke and Blake to join him at the front where they helped him lead a chant. It had been two years since I’d seen Luke in person. He had filled out and was much more muscular now than I had remembered. However, he still had that pretty boy, movie star handsome face, contrasted to Blake’s much more mature appearance.
I looked between the two of them, wondering which one I preferred. They were both good-looking in their own ways. However, thinking about Luke made my chest ache. I was still very attracted to him and felt something drawing me to him, as if I should go stand beside him. While I had a steady, ceaseless longing throughout the years, it was somehow more powerful now that I was seeing him in person. My heart raced in my chest while my stomach did somersaults. I chanted the prayer loudly to overcompensate for suddenly forgetting how to breathe normally. Fighting the feeling of being desperately drawn to Luke, I averted my eyes. For the rest of the service, I did my best to ignore the existence of both Luke and Blake.
Blake
ItwasaSundaynight, and I was seated at temple with my parents. The only representation from the beta family this week was Luke, since his parents had traveled up to Quebec to address some issues. They were planning to return in time for the alpha ceremony in a few short days. He had been smiling all day since his girlfriend left after breakfast that morning, clearly having taken advantage of his parents being out of town. When we met with my dad in the afternoon to go over more pack logistics, his mind was elsewhere, as if he was daydreaming. I was envious of his good spirits. I hadn’t felt the way Luke appeared in years now.
Luke and I used to be much closer. Besides Luke’s sisters, who were already teenagers by the time we could walk and talk, we were the only kids that lived in the packhouse growing up. Consequently, we grew up like brothers, often spending the night in each other’s rooms and talking until dawn. He was always there for me when my father went into one of his rages. He’d let me hide in his room, knowing my father would never dare to terrorize his beta’s pup. His dad was often there for me too, warning my mom and me to leave when my father was in one of his moods.
After my father began forcing me to witness him torturing prisoners in our cells at the age of ten, I began having nightmares. I couldn’t push the image of my father cutting off their arms, legs, and testicles from my head. When I’d wake up petrified, in a cold sweat, I could always count on Luke to let me crash in his room, being too terrified to go into my parents'. He didn’t even mind when I sometimes slept in the same bed as him.
But after Ria was killed in battle, things changed. Although I was always open with Luke, I found myself closing off even to him. I had heard that losing a mate can drive a werewolf into madness, and I now understood. My one saving grace was that we had never marked each other. My parents had convinced me to wait until we were officially married to go along with the traditions of the temple, especially being an alpha. We were planning to wed not long after I assumed the alpha title, anxious to finally mark each other. Unfortunately, that day never came. Fortunately, I had listened to my parents and avoided the worst of despair, a pain reserved for someone marked by their mate.
My father was eager to continue with the alpha ceremony. He became enraged when I told him I couldn’t do it. We fought for months. Beta Alfred tried to take my side, which enraged my father even more. My mom finally desperately begged him to let me mourn my loss. While he never treated my mom well, he did always have a soft spot for her, since she was his mate. He finally agreed to let me take time away from the pack under one circumstance, and that was to attend the Grey Wolf University, which was notorious for producing some of the strongest and most brutal alphas in the world. Having no other choice, I took that option, starting school a year after the worst day of my life.
The four years I spent there were excruciating and bleak. But they were also like therapy. The physical pain and torture allowed me to feel something when otherwise I was numb. It distracted me from my thoughts and memories. I was able to run on instinct alone, where the only objective everyday was survival. I preferred the training to the academics.
After the service ended, I stood with Luke and made small talk. I noticed Jasmine standing with her parents, her back turned to us, giving me a perfect view of her ass. I turned back to Luke to say something only to notice that he was staring at the same place I had just turned away from. I suddenly felt possessive, not liking one bit that my friend was staring at Jasmine’s ass. I wanted to call him out on it but didn’t want to do it in a way that would make my feelings obvious.
Before I realized what I was saying, I said, “Now that’s the kind of ass you just want to grab and shove your dick into.” I have no idea what had possessed me to say something like that, and I instantly regretted it.
Luke turned to me with an intense glare and his nostrils flared. “What the fuck, man? Why are you talking about Jasmine like that?”
I was ashamed of my comment. I didn’t know where it came from or how I could have said something like that. If I were in my wolf form, I’d be whimpering with my tail between my legs. After deliberating on what I could possibly say to follow something like that, I responded, “You’re right, man. What I said was really uncool.”
“You just sounded exactly like your dad.” He was right. I clenched my fists, disgusted with myself.
Aftertheservice,wewent back to the packhouse to sit down for dinner at the kitchen table. Connie had Sundays and Mondays off, so my mom fried up some bacon and put out ingredients to make sandwiches for my father, Luke, herself, and me. Luke grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl to make his weird favorite sandwich. I, myself, preferred something meaty like roast beef.
“So, Luke, I heard you’ll be leading some of the training sessions at the elementary school in the fall.” My mom looked over at Luke.
“That’s right. I’ve volunteered to lead training for the young pups in the mornings before lunch, and I’ll be taking college courses in the afternoon twice a week, managing beta duties the rest of the week. Then I’ll be doing my own training in the evenings, three times a week.”
“Sounds like a busy schedule. Any time left to spend with your girlfriend?”
Luke eyes shot up, wide open, his mouth agape, practically gasping. Clearly his girlfriend was not something he was open about.
My father cut in. “He doesn’t need time for girlfriends. They’re just distractions. He should be focusing on the pack until the Moon Goddess brings him a mate. Even then, the pack is his first priority as beta. No, sir, you shouldn’t be wasting your time wining and dining some bitch that isn’t even a mate. Just get what you need from her and get back to work.”
I could feel Luke’s anger. His jaw was stiff and he had his hands balled up tightly into fists next to his plate. Luke knew it wasn’t worth fighting with my father, but I could tell it was taking everything in him not to shift into his wolf form and tear my dad into shreds. I felt even worse for what I had said earlier this evening.
“Now, honey! We’re not going to war yet. Luke has been a very good beta-in-training, even with his girlfriend. He’s clearly very dedicated with his full schedule.” My mom tried to de-escalate the situation but had to tread carefully because one wrong word and it would set my father off.
“War could happen at any moment. Werewolves are not known for being peaceful. I’ve been leading this pack for over forty years now, so I think I know a thing or two about pack leadership priorities. Your own son has let this pack get weak with his distractions. I let you manipulate me into letting him find himself or whatever shit he went to do. But I’m done with these games. Leading a pack is life or death. If our leadership doesn’t have their priorities straight, you may as well kiss this packhouse, your clinic, the pack schools, everything goodbye! There are packs out there that wouldn’t hesitate to burn all our homes to the ground, kill all our men, and rape all our women, from old geezers to young little pups. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. My own great-grandfather built this pack after his original pack was eradicated by a rival pack.”
We ate in silence after my father’s speech. I was used to my father’s aggressive and vulgar personality, and Luke was too, to a certain extent. But he was usually a bit tamer when his beta was here. While no one could completely control my father, Beta Alfred’s presence reeled him in most of the time, but not always.
After I helped my mom load the dishwasher, I went up to Luke’s room and knocked on his door. He opened the door and let me in.