I shake my head despite her saying exactly what I need to hear. Her idea of how things will be versus how they really will be are on two opposite sides of each other.
“There's nothing romantic or comforting about how our life will actually be. The whole idea of ‘love is all you need’ is complete bullshit when you never get a moment's rest. You have two options, Raya,” I say, having to clear my throat from the clog of emotions there. “You can go home and throw me under the bus, claim to be the victim despite me knowing that you're a whore for the game we've been playing for the last month. Or you can go home and tell Mommy and Daddy exactly how much you crave me. How it took less than two weeks for you to fuck yourself on a dildo, to please me.”
She takes a step back, shaking her head. “I can't do either of those things,” she says. “One would land you in jail and the other would ruin my father's reputation.”
I shrug as if whichever option she chooses matters. Even if I stay free, living without her is its own kind of prison. I throw my hands up in agitation. “If you can't make the choice, then I'll make the choice for you.” She swipes at more tears as they roll down her cheeks. “I'm not going to spend my life running. You're not worth it. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, but I'm bored.”
“You don't mean that,” she gasps.
“You care for me as much as I care?” I ask, shaking my head. “I don't fucking care about you. Do you really think you're the first woman I've ever taken and toyed with?”
Her sobs double and like the bastard I am, I use that as ammunition as well. I point at her. “See, you’re broken. I despise broken toys.”
She stumbles as she takes a step back and it takes everything in me not to reach for her in protection. When she reaches the door, all I want to do is stop her and beg her to stay, but I can't do that. I issue the final nail in the coffin.
“When you tell your daddy how much of a monster I am, don't leave out how hard I made you come, Raya. Let him know that the innocent little daughter he raised is all used up now.”
The slam of the door as she leaves triples the crack in my heart.
Chapter 34
Raya
I duck my head as I walk away, sobs racking my body. There are no raindrops falling from the sky to blame. I used the excuse numerous times as a teenager before I was able to get my emotions under control. How I feel right now is real and raw, less like the robot I had become before meeting Liam.
My chest aches with heartbreak, my heart broken from the words he said to me. I couldn't take it any longer. I had to walk away. I needed just a few minutes before going back and telling him that he's a coward for purposely trying to shove me away.
The tactic doesn't surprise me. Liam isn't exactly the type of man who’s going to admit that he's scared. He won't tell me that involving me in his life is too dangerous for me, because he should know by now that I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to run to the ends of the earth for the man and I'll explain all of that to him.
But the words he said, the truth in all of them, were like slashes to my skin. I don't think he believes them, but if there's even a chance that he feels the way he just said he does, then he may be right. There may be no hope for us.
“Excuse me,” I say mechanically when I bump into someone on the sidewalk.
“Miss, are you okay?” the woman asks but I don't acknowledge her.
I keep walking. I keep my head down. So people don't see how upset I am. This devastation isn't meant to be witnessed. My world falling apart, my heart utterly broken, should be done in private.
The sun gets lower in the sky as I continue to walk but I keep a pattern of left and right, left and right at the end of each block, so I'm able to zigzag my way back to Liam.
“Ma'am,” another female voice calls out, but I ignore her too. “Ma'am.”
I hurry my steps, turning right at the next block.
“Raya Reed.”
My feet stutter to a stop at the sound of my name, fear making my heart pound. My first instinct is to run but after taking a quick glance over my shoulder to assess the situation, I know I can't. A uniformed police officer approaches slowly, her hands facing me palms open, in a way you would expect someone approaching a dangerous animal would act.
“Miss Reed,” she asks, her voice questioning as if she can't believe I'm standing right in front of her.
I know I can't get away from her. With all of the running I've done on Liam's treadmill, I might be able to lose her but I'd never be able to outrun her reports back to dispatch. It will only be a matter of time before every cop in the small towns descends on this area.
Liam's voice rings in my ear of the options he gave me.Tell them I took you or tell them the truth.I still haven't decided which way I'm going to go as she ushers me to her car.
“I'm sorry about this,” she says as she opens the back door. “The computer takes up more than half of the front seat. You’re not under arrest.”
I feel very much detained, not free to walk away, as she closes me in the back. Her radio comes to life after reporting that she just found me wandering the streets of Mission, Texas, incoherent and completely distraught. I imagine she'd be just as upset if the man she loved said the things to her that Liam said to me, but I don't open my mouth to tell her so.
My tears are renewed as she drives past the motel I left not long ago. Liam's car is already gone. Even if I managed to find my way back to him, he couldn't be bothered to stick around. Maybe the things I tried to assure myself weren't true, he actually meant.