As soon as she leaves, I open my eyes and stare at the mangas covering the ceiling.
After a few minutes, I pull out my phone.
I’m so going to regret this in the morning, but if I wait until I’m sober, I’ll never stop being a coward and will never do what I want.
To take risks.
To step out of my comfort zone.
I want that feeling of freedom again. I need to overflow with being both wrong and right at the same time.
After clicking on Lan’s profile, I pause, then type a DM.
I want to be chased and ambushed. In the dark. Where you can use me and no one knows.
He reads it. But no dots appear.
I stare at my screen for what seems like hours, but no reply comes.
So I flip my phone and groan when it falls on my face.
That’s why tears come out—because the hit hurts.
It’s not because of anything else.
I hide my eyes with my arms and this time force myself to fall asleep.
I dream of dark eyes following my every move, watching every step, and counting every breath.
They’re intense and ruthless and I don’t stand a chance in front of them.
It’s half a dream, half reality, because I know I’m lying in bed and drunk out of my mind with tears in my eyes.
But I still feel him.
He fills the room with his otherworldly presence as he watches me from the corner with enough tension to spike the heat in my veins.
I kick the blanket away and moan when it rubs against my soft flesh. I slide my hand beneath my shorts, under my knickers, then tease my swollen folds.
Soft moans slip out of me and I hide my face in the pillow to muffle them. The more I feel his eyes on me, the harder I tease my clit and the stronger I sense the pleasure building in my core.
When I’m getting close, I writhe in bed, my heart beating so loud, I’m surprised no one outside can hear.
A low tutting sound fills the room and I freeze, slowly opening my eyes.
They clash with gray ones. The devil’s eyes.
Who’s watching my every move from the corner.
“No wonder you like to be chased when you touch yourself this gently. How about I show you how it’s properly done, Lisichka?”
11
CECILY
My ears ring until I can’t hear my own breathing.
For a moment, I’m hanging in space, unable to concentrate on anything but these intense gray eyes that appeared in more nightmares than I can count.