So whenever the stitches of that wound open, we all feel obligated to take his side no matter what.
With everything that went down, everyone is exhausted both physically and mentally. We’re pushing ourselves to study and try to heal together.
Papa told me that it might be a good idea to go home and recharge for a bit, but I can’t leave everyone here alone. I’d be worried sick and wouldn’t get any rest.
So I stayed and have tried to be there as much as I can for Glyn and Ava, who were hit by Annika’s departure more than they’ve let on.
Sometimes, they call her name in the flat and either pause or curse themselves when they realize she’s not there anymore.
Most of her stuff is still in her room, and none of us have dared to touch it or even open her door.
When I’m missing her, I like to believe she’s in there listening to Tchaikovsky and practicing ballet.
At the shelter, the other volunteers, technicians, and even Dr. Stephanie miss her like crazy.
She was always the fun and cheerful soul who made sure everyone around her was content.
Now that she’s gone, it’s like she left a dark spot behind.
After telling the staff good night, I step out of the shelter, shoulders drooping and heart so heavy that it weighs me down.
I pause at the corner of the street in search of Ilya.
He’s been following me around ever since that day at the cottage, acting like his boss’s pseudo-stalker.
During the first week everything went down, I was so rattled and worried that I barely paid him any attention.
I lacked the capacity to think straight back then.
After that, I asked him to leave me alone, but he flat-out ignored me and continued his mission of shadowing my every move.
I haven’t met up with Jeremy since that night at the club.
The first week, he was as busy as I was, considering Nikolai got hurt and Annika had to leave.
Then he traveled for a few days, probably to New York.
I only saw him a couple of days before Annika left—the encounter was brief and without any actual conversation.
Despite the dull ache that spreads through me at the reminder of him, I needed the space.
I needed to figure out whether or not I’m willing to try to understand him like Ilya told me that morning. If I’m willing to go down the rabbit hole with him and possibly never get out.
While I still haven’t found the answer to that, one thing’s for sure. I’m a bit hurt by the fact that he disappeared on me.
Not that I’ve gone out of my way to contact him. I haven’t called or texted him.
I haven’t known how after that loaded confession he sent me.
I feel that if I do, if I give in, then I’ll have nothing left of me. That he’ll suck me dry and leave me empty.
My chest gets tighter the longer I look for Ilya and find no sign of him. At my insistence, Ilya had started walking me from the shelter to the flat instead of following from afar.
And even though Ilya is more silent than the night, he was welcome company.
Not to mention a reminder ofhim.
But tonight, he’s nowhere to be seen.