Any words I had to say get stuck at the back of my throat, refusing to be said out loud.
I’ve never been good at expressing myself—I’m a listener, not a talker. At least, when it comes to things that concern me.
I curse myself for that trait as I step out of Landon’s car and hear him rev the engine. In a super expert move, he reverses in a perfect circle before he shoots into the street like a bullet.
For a second, I remain there, hugging my arms and letting the chill of the sea seep beneath my bones. The sound of the crashing waves slams into the warring thoughts in my head.
All of them start and end with the things I should’ve said but didn’t.
With the way I’m built, I’m probably never going to be able to say them out loud.
My only choice is to show him instead.
I have to show Landon that I’m not a delicate princess and that I can and will take the hardcore stuff.
If it’s him, I can let him see this part of me.
Slipping into my car, I close the door and lock it before I open the browser on my phone.
It’s on the homepage of the kinky sex club Landon is a member of.
Not even Glyn knows this fact about her brother. I only found out through his cousin and my childhood friend, Creighton.
He told me about it, including the kinks Landon is into, so I’d see what type of defective person the guy I’m crushing on is.
Creigh was looking out for me because he believed I’d only end up getting hurt.
Thing is, Creigh has no idea that I’m equally defective.
Which is probably why I’ve been hung up on Landon since secondary school.
It’s not only because of that conversation I had with him back then; it’s also because I found out he’s into the same kink as me.
I have read through the site and its rules. There are attendance kink activities where they pair subs with Doms, but there are also other activities that can happen off-site.
One of which is a kink Landon takes part in all the time, according to Creigh.
In fact, he’s the club’s ace in this particular kink, and many new members have joined because of him.
Primal play.
Aka consensual non-consent.
It’s been on my mind ever since I first heard about it from Creighton about two weeks ago.
I’ve imagined all the ways Landon chases those women before he fucks them ruthlessly.
How he ravages them with their consent, and how elating it must be for them.
I realize how demented it sounds to consider something like that elating. But rape fantasy is a very common kink, especially with women who want to feel free in some way.
Anyway.
Even if it’s in fantasy only.
It’s not about power play. It’s about giving up control and gaining the power to have the ability to stop something so monstrous with a word.
It’s a fine line, which is why this kink shouldn’t be done with a stranger or an arbitrary person.