The carriage ride was a silent one. His mother must have sensed his need for the quiet as she made no effort to make conversation. He took the time to think through what exactly he would say to Lord Kent. The Viscount was a man he had not yet met, but from his observations, he seemed a rational man if a little tired. Benjamin felt sure he could make the man see reason. What worried him the most was how Felicity would react to his announcement. He could only hope she was not too hurt but the revelation. Without the time to turn back and rethink things, Benjamin had no choice but to carry through with his plans. He would beg for her forgiveness later.
* * *
“Smile, my dear. You look like you are attending a funeral.”
I might as well be.
“Honestly, one might think you are walking off to your death rather than celebrating your engagement. You should be grateful for what this opportunity will give you.”
Her mother had yet to stop chastising her tonight. Felicity was sure it was her mother’s way to feel in control, but after the dozenth reminder to smile, Felicity’s nerves were worn thin.
The ball had started only an hour ago, and she was already ready to retire. Knowing how much she was dreading this, Ruth had even put her in her favorite gown. It was the perfect shade of periwinkle, complimenting her eyes, with tiers of lace and delicate white flowers sewn in around the bodice. But even that did nothing to cheer her up or make her feel better. She foolishly kept looking towards the doors, hoping the next man to walk through them would be Benjamin. But she knew he would not come, and she could not blame him for that. She felt sick. She was at her own engagement ball, thinking about a man who was not her betrothed. Felicity did her best to school her features into something that resembled a happy, demure bride as she hoped no one could read her thoughts.
“My friends! How marvelous it is to see you this evening,” Lady Abbott announced as Lord Roberts steered Felicity in her direction.
He had been dragging her across the room, introducing her to all of his friends as if she was no more than a new prized toy to make others envious with.
“Lady Abbott, thank you for attending,” Felicity commented with a curtsey, doing her very best to stay prim and proper.
“Yes, my fiancè and I owe you a debt of gratitude. Had you not introduced us in the first place, we would not be here today.”
Felicity absentmindedly wondered if she would ever have any tolerance for Lord Robert’s sickening charm. She could not understand how he appealed to so many. His roguish good looks did nothing to hide the malevolent entitlement he exuded. The way he moved throughout the room, running over people who did not move fast enough and the way he looked down his nose at everyone did not sit right with her.
“Well,” Lady Abbott said in fake humility, fanning herself to hide the pleasure she felt at his compliment, “I am happy to have been of service to you both. I find it immensely pleasing that you two have found happiness in each other.”
“You are happy, are you not, Felicity?” Hannah sneered, jealousy coating her eyes. “You do not look like a blushing bride.”
Felicity froze for a moment and took in the young girl. And Hannah was just that, a young girl. Why her mother had not arranged a marriage between Lord Roberts and her own daughter, Felicity did not know, but it was clear to her now that Hannah felt snubbed. While Felicity would be only too happy to pass Lord Roberts onto Hannah, no one else knew that.
“She is recovering,” Lord Roberts cut in, defending her, “from a mysterious illness, aren’t you dear?”
Lady Abbott and Hannah both took a slight step back at that, not noticeable enough to offend but enough to make it clear they no longer wanted to share her company. Felicity wished she could feign illness now. Or better yet, tell anyone who was inclined to listen that this was not what she wanted and that her “illness” was no more than unadulterated heartache.
She tried to open her mouth and say something to refute Hannah’s astute observations about her unhappiness or to confirm Lord Robert’s excuses for her pale demeanor, but there were no words to be found. Nor did her present company seem to want a response from her.
The conversation moved on from her to the rest of the room, and no one was safe from their vicious judgments. It seemed that every woman’s gown was the wrong color or the wrong size, and no man measured up to their very high expectations. She dreaded guessing what they might think about her or themselves. Even with all her mother’s nitpicking, she still knew her mother loved her. Watching Lord Roberts pick apart the night’s guests made her stomach swirl with the anticipation of a lifetime of trying to please him.
Another few minutes passed before Lord Roberts made their excuses and led her away from the Abbotts and onto the next group of guests. Felicity smiled and curtsied out of nothing but pure muscle memory. She could not keep her thoughts focused on the people in front of her or their conversations. All she could think about was the one man who was sure to not be in attendance tonight.
“I think I shall take a stroll around the gardens before the dancing begins,” Lord Roberts announced to no one in particular. “Shall we?”
His eyes locked on hers as he reached out a hand, waiting for her to accept his offer. She did not move, her corset suddenly too tight to allow air into her lungs. Things had been bearable thus far only because propriety still demanded the Earl keep his distance, but a walk through the unlit gardens would change that. She would be wholly at his mercy.
“Sir,” a distressed voice sounded from the other side of the double doors, loud enough to hear over the chatter of the room, “you cannot go in there. Sir, Sir, please.”
The disruption drew Lord Roberts' attention off of her and towards the man who was responsible for the butler’s frantic pleadings. The whole room seemed to hold its breath as they all waited for the door to swing open and reveal the intruder.
“No.” Lord Roberts growled the word and stalked off towards the man, leaving Felicity behind as air whooshed back into her body.
“I will handle this, Lord Roberts,” she heard her mother call after the Earl. “Go get some fresh air and when you return, everything will be sorted.”
Her mother’s words stopped Lord Roberts in his tracks. He scowled at Benjamin before storming off to the balcony as her mother sucked in a breath and squared her shoulders, readying to face Benjamin.
For the first time in days, she felt as if she could breathe deeply again, as if the vice grip that had clenched around her heart had lessened its hold. Benjamin stood, proud and tall, his eyes washing over the crowd looking for someone. Looking for her. When he found her only a few feet away, Benjamin began to move again, blowing past her mother who was currently on the verge of raising her voice to get him to leave. With his eyes trained on her, Benjamin left no one questioning who he was there to see.
“You are not welcome here,” her mother seethed, raising her voice just enough so that the now silent room could hear her. “Invitations for tonight’s celebration were sent to nobility only.”
Benjamin broke eye contact with her then, shooting her mother a look of uninterested disdain. As she watched him approach her, all Felicity could think was how there was no comparison between him and Lord Roberts.