“But I will. For my sisters, I will bear anything.”
Ruth had no more to say after that, but Felicity felt the waves of anger rolling off her friend. Anger was better than pity. When Ruth had finished with her hair, Felicity turned to look her friend in the eye. She was sure the tears she saw in Ruth’s eyes were mirrored in her own.
“Thank you, Ruth,” Felicity told her, gripping her hands. “Thank you, for everything.”
Ruth only nodded before striding out of the room. A knock sounded at the front door, and Felicity took that as her cue to make her way downstairs towards the dinner that would begin the rest of her life in the worst way imaginable.
* * *
Her mother and Lord Roberts had spent the better part of the evening laughing and telling stories as if they were old friends. Not for the first time, Felicity wondered if they had been; they were close enough in age. In his usual distant manner, her father had remained mostly silent throughout the meal, only grunting in response occasionally. Felicity had focused all of her attention on the food in front of her rather than the concerned and questioning looks Delilah kept sending her way. She was grateful to be left out of the conversations thus far as she still had no idea what she would say when the Earl finally did ask her to marry him.
She was sure that, eventually, she might be more upset about other facets of this arrangement, but for right now, she was most bothered by the utter lack of romance that was going into this proposal. As he had already arranged everything with her mother and father, the proposal was more or less done out of showmanship. He would not be asking because he genuinely wanted to hear her response. He would not be asking to confess his love for her or to promise her a lifetime of happiness. He would be asking because it is what others expected of him. And she would accept because that was what was expected of her.
“Lord and Lady Kent,” Lord Robert said, his tone drawing the attention of the room, “I would like your permission to speak privately with Miss Felicity Kent.”
The moment had come. Dread pooled in her stomach; her bones suddenly grew heavy.
“Of course, of course,” her mother said without regard to Felicity’s obvious distress. “You are welcome to move to the drawing room or the garden. Whichever you would prefer.”
“I think an evening stroll in the gardens sounds lovely.” Lord Roberts then stood and made his way to where she was, still seated at the dining table. “Would you care to join me?”
A quick glance at her mother told her she had no choice but to accept the Earl’s outstretched hand. Without saying a word, Felicity placed her napkin on the table and pushed her chair back. This time she met Delilah’s eyes and sent her sister a smile, hoping to convey that everything was all right. Lord Roberts pulled her hand into his and tucked them into the crook of his elbow before leading her out to the gardens.
The cool air was a welcome reprieve from the stuffy warmth that had filled the dining room. The bite of the wind pushed back the tears that threatened to spill over.
“It is colder than I thought it would be,” Lord Roberts said, pulling her in close, too close for what was proper. “We will keep each other warm, though, won’t we?”
He didn’t wait for her response as he walked on through the maze of flowers.
“I will make this quick as I do not care for the idea of freezing my fingers off for this. I have done little to hide my affection for you throughout the season; I think that much is clear. The way I see it, you and I are the perfect match — I, the rich and titled gentleman in need of a wife, and you, the young and beautiful lady in need of a husband. In these past few weeks of getting to speak with you and getting to dance with you, I feel we are compatible. You are beautiful and gentle, nothing at all like that outspoken sister of yours.” He nudged her side as if that was some great joke between them. In reality, it only made her dislike him all the more. “What I am trying to say, Felicity,” he stopped them both then, not looking at her but rather looking past her to something over her shoulder, “is that I would very much like to marry you. It would do me good to settle down and start a family, and I would have nothing less than the Diamond of the Season to do that with. So, what do you say? Shall we get married this month or next?”
He laughed heartily then as if she should be that eager to marry him, but all she felt was misery set in. It numbed her down to the bones, freezing her over in places where the cold could not touch. Afraid of what words might spill out of her if she were to open her mouth, Felicity only nodded her acceptance.
“Excited beyond words, huh? I think silence is a wonderful quality to have in a wife. We will do just fine, Felicity. Now, let’s head back inside, so we can begin to make plans.”
He pulled her back into the warmth of the house, her feet moving without her telling them to. She guessed she was in utter shock at the day’s events. When they bypassed the dining room and headed straight for the drawing room, Felicity knew the meal was over and the little she had been able to stomach would have to tide her over until the morning. Perhaps it was a good thing that she had not eaten much as her mother squeezed her tightly as soon as they entered the drawing room.
“She has accepted me,” Lord Roberts announced proudly.
“How wonderful, my dear. How absolutely wonderful. We shall begin planning your engagement ball immediately.”
Her mother was the only one who seemed to be excited by the idea of this marriage. Delilah could not seem to school her expression, and so she stood at the window, her back to the rest of the room to hide her face. Her father finished the last of whatever was in his glass before making his excuses and sneaking away to his study. Lord Roberts seemed equally as ready to drink away whatever he might have been feeling as he wasted no time in pouring his own drink before sitting next to Felicity on the settee. With her mother on the other side, Felicity felt that she had no room to breathe.
“We must not wait too long for the engagement ball, or we run the risk of most of the ton having already left for their summer homes. I think a week from now will give us more than enough time to plan it all, don’t you think, my dear?”
Felicity nodded, absently. As her mother made plans with Lord Roberts, all Felicity could think about was the half-written letter that still sat tucked in her vanity and the intended recipient of it. Despite the lack of response on her end, she felt sure that the news of her engagement would hurt Benjamin, and that hurt her worst of all.
“Felicity?” her sister called softly.
She turned then, realizing her mother and Lord Roberts had moved to the other side of the room and were hunched over the desk, deep in discussion.
“What is it, Delilah?” Felicity tried to keep her voice even; she did not want her sister to think anything was out of sorts.
“Why are you doing this?” she whispered, heartbreak in her own voice.
“You know why, Delilah. I must. Besides,” she said with a forced smile, “he really is not that bad. I will be happy enough, I am sure.”
“What about,” she glanced over at where her mother and Lord Roberts stood, ensuring that they were still preoccupied with whatever they were planning, “what about Benjamin?”