“I am not hungry.”
“I do not care! You will not waste away up here. It has been three days since you last left this room. You have to eat; you have to get up.”
Felicity knew that Ruth’s chiding was done only out of worry. But Felicity truly was not hungry. Something in her had broken as she had watched her letter disintegrate into ashes. She had had no interest in attending any of the events her mother had scheduled for the week. Feigning an illness, Felicity stayed in her room, reading and rereading the letters from Benjamin.
He had not written to her again, as promised, after his last letter. She desperately wanted to write to him and explain it all. She wanted him to know that she felt the same way he did, but she could not. Every time she sat down to put her feelings onto paper, she was overcome with guilt and shame. How could she so selfishly pursue her own happiness and set aside the wellbeing of her family? She could not. So, every half-written letter ended up in the fireplace as she wept fresh tears. She had never been heartbroken before, but if this aching pain was it, she was no longer sure that love was worth it.
“Please, Felicity. Just eat something, for me?”
Ruth was never one to beg. She was too strong willed and stubborn for that. For her to be begging now must mean she is more worried than Felicity thought.
“All right, Ruth. Just set the tray down.”
Ruth placed the tray across Felicity’s lap quickly as if she was worried Felicity might change her mind.
“Thank you; thank you; thank you,” she said, excitedly. “I will be back in an hour to check on you. If you need or want anything else, just ring. I will bring you anything, anything at all.”
Felicity shot her friend a smile, one she hoped reached her eyes enough for Ruth to not think much of it. Staring at the tray of food in front of her, Felicity sighed. She knew she could not hide out in her room forever. Her mother would wait only so long before summoning a doctor or demanding Felicity get out of bed. It would not do for the Diamond of the Season to miss half of the season’s events. The ton would be outraged. She could almost hear her mother’s scolding now.
Picking up the bread and slathering it with butter, Felicity popped a morsel into her mouth and then peeled back the covers. Her body was stiff from spending so much time in bed. She could hear Laurel and Candace laughing down the hallway, the nanny chasing after them.
For them, Felicity. You are doing this for them.
Squaring her shoulders, Felicity moved to her vanity. Her hair was a mess, and her face looked rather tired. Ruth had been right; she needed to eat something and leave her bed chambers, even if it would shatter her heart to do so. She poured water from the pitcher into the bowl and scrubbed her face until her skin had a pink tinge to it. Then she set to work on her hair next. It took her some time to brush out all the tangles that had knotted up from three days in bed, but after a while, her hair was smooth and shiny once more.
“Oh!” Ruth exclaimed from the doorway. “You are up. I did not expect you to be up. Let me help you with your hair, and then you are to get dressed.”
“Why?” Felicity asked, eyeing her friend cautiously in the mirror.
“Your mother has requested your presence in the drawing room,” Ruth answered, avoiding eye contact.
“Why? She cannot stand to be around anyone who is the least bit sick. I cannot imagine why she would want to be around me now.”
“Never mind that now. We must make haste. There is not much time.”
“Not much time for what, Ruth? What are you not telling me?”
They locked eyes then, and Felicity noted the sadness that had taken place around the corner of Ruth’s eyes.
“Did something happen?” Felicity asked more strongly this time.
“I-I…” Ruth swallowed and then tried again. “I was just informed that we will be having a guest for dinner tonight.”
“That is not so unusual. Mother loves to host. What makes tonight any different?” Felicity raised an eyebrow.
“Our guest is the Earl of Edgware. Your mother has invited Lord Roberts, and only Lord Roberts, to dinner tonight.”
Something heavy and tight fell into Felicity’s stomach from her chest. She would have guessed it had been her heart if it were not for the hard pounding she still felt against her ribs.
“I see.”
“I tried to tell her, Felicity, that you were still sick, that you were not up for entertaining any guests. But she would not listen,” Ruth told her, tears welling up in her eyes.
“There, now. It cannot be as bad as all that. There is no need for tears. It is only a meal. We must move quickly. It would not do to keep mother waiting.”
Even as she said the words, Felicity did not believe them herself. She knew that tonight would be a very different night for her, indeed. She felt her heart clench at the thought but pushed the feeling down. She had already made her decision.
* * *