“A word, dear?” He motioned for her to follow him into the study and then disappeared behind the wall.
She took a breath before pulling her hand out of her pocket and smoothing the fabric down. As she entered the dark room, Felicity took note of how little had changed since her last visit into her father’s study. Her parents had requested her presence to inform her of the duty she had to help provide for their family. It had been a horrible conversation. She couldn’t help but feel this one would be no better.
“Come in, and shut the door, Felicity.” Her father’s voice sounded tired and frail. The cough that trailed behind his words added to the effect, painting him as the old, sick man he was.
“Yes, Father.” Without meaning to, Felicity slipped back into her role as the subservient daughter who obeyed without question. It was a role that was beginning to chafe.
“I won’t keep you long,” he said as he started.
She nodded, thinking that she couldn’t remember the last time she spent more than a few moments in her father’s company. He never seemed to want to keep them long.
“I only wanted to convey my thanks.” His words lacked their usual conviction. Whether that was due to age or emotion, she couldn’t tell.
“Your thanks? For what?”
“I know it is no easy thing to put yourself out there, making an effort to find a husband who will help us get out of the mess we find ourselves in.”
He says that as if it is not his doing that we are in this situation, and as if there is nothing he could be doing to help us get out of it.
He continued on without noticing her frustrations, as usual.
“It makes me proud that you would put aside your own happiness for the happiness of your family, and that you would set aside your own hopes and dreams to make things right. Well, it is an honorable thing. You are the kind of daughter every father hopes for.”
As his words began to sink in, all excitement and determination started to leave her, leaving nothing but emptiness in their wake. She could not let her entire family down for her own selfish reasons. Even if Delilah did not think them selfish, even if she was convinced that they would survive without Felicity’s sacrifice, Felicity could not expect the other four members of her family to understand and agree.
“You are a generous sister.” Every word her father said added to the guilt that was mounting in her. “Your younger sisters, Laurel and Candace, speak constantly of the extravagant weddings they dream of. Maybe not in all the splendor but just the fact that they will be able to have a wedding at all, they owe to you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to provide where I otherwise would have failed and to die, someday, with a sense of dignity.”
He gave her a smile, weak and half-hearted but a smile, nonetheless. It was the final nail in the coffin. She stood, stunned by her father’s unusual display of emotion and affection, of his admittance of his mistakes, and of his thanks. Things she had dreamt about all her life but never expected. When he said nothing more, she knew she had been dismissed.
“Thank you, Father, for your words. You have no idea the impact they have had.”
And with that she turned and left his study. She had been right. This visit to the dark, dreary room had been no better than the last one. With heavy steps and an empty heart, she made her way back to the drawing room, fingering the edges of the envelope in her pocket the whole way back.
“What took you so long?” Delilah demanded as soon as Felicity entered.
Without answering, without so much as looking at her sister’s face, Felicity walked to the fire and tossed the letter in, watching with unwavering eyes as the flames engulfed her confession.
CHAPTER11
Lord and Lady Kent,
I am writing to request an appointment with you both. As I am sure you are aware, my intentions with your eldest daughter have not been hidden from you or the rest of the ton. As agreed, I feel it is time we move forward in the arrangement of my marriage. I grow weary of waiting and watching her dance with others when it has already been agreed that she is mine. I find no fault with you or her, it is merely the situation, and I am eager to remedy it. Is there a time this week we could meet to discuss the details of my engagement to Miss Felicity and perhaps even sign the marriage contract? I would like to settle on a dowry and wedding date before I propose. I would like to ask for her hand in marriage with all the decisions made, so she is free to focus on the flowers and her gown and nothing else. The sooner we can meet, the better.
I await your reply.
Lord Roberts, Earl of Edgware
* * *
“You’re acting like a caged animal,” Nicholas smirked from his usual spot in front of the fire. “I’m getting tired just watching you.”
Despite the man’s teasing, the Baron had a point; Benjamin was going to wear a hole in the floor at the rate of his pacing. He had been here for half an hour already and had yet to take his seat.
“If you are going to continue with these antics, then I need a drink,” his friend announced, signaling the waiter over, not put off in the least by Benjamin’s silence.
When Nicholas had suggested that the two share another evening at White’s, Benjamin thought it would be a great idea. It would be a chance to get his mind off of things. But all he could think about, now that he was here, was what the chances were that Felicity had finally written him back. It had been three days since he had last seen or heard from her. What started as the perfect night had quickly devolved into a nightmare, leaving him questioning everything.
He had watched a tense conversation take place between her and Lady Kent after their dance. Felicity had hurried out of the ballroom, and Benjamin followed, motivated only by wanting to help her. The first few minutes, things seemed to go well. He had been able to distract her long enough for her breath to even out again. But all of a sudden, she panicked, withdrawing into the corner like a trapped rabbit. And when he tried to help again, she only pushed him away. He had written his letter that same night, not waiting long enough to strip off his formal tails before he sat at his desk.