I push away from the wall and head out of the room. The warehouse has grounds that rival even the clubhouse gardens. Da made sure he lived in luxury and tortured in privacy. There’s feck all around here. Nobody can hear the screams.
But our home, the clubhouse, was special to him. He believed that even though we were a motorcycle club we didn’t have to live in a dive. He wanted to ensure the house, the grounds, the place where the brothers felt at home was beautiful. He wanted us to all feel safe.
Miren follows me outside. Her presence is like a shadow, as if she’s attached to me somehow, and I doubt I’ll ever rip her from me. We stand in silence beside each other. When I’m around others, I’m tense. The brothers know this, and they give me space when I need it, but Miren has no clue. However, her standing next to me doesn’t twist my gut into knots. Her soft fragrance of cherries calms my thudding pulse.
She doesn’t say anything for a long while, and I’m thankful for the quiet. Even though the noise from the bar filters out to us, it’s the silence between us that feels as if it’s holding me in a gentle grip.
“Love is a blade,” I tell her without looking at her. “It cuts you the moment you relinquish control to it.” It’s an idea, a thought I’ve had for so long it feels normal to tell it to her. I’ve never mentioned it to any of the brothers. They may know me well, but there are still secrets of mine I hold close to my chest. And it’s taken a wee lassie to dig up the dirt.
“It’s sad you think so,” she tells me. “You’re afraid of it,” Miren muses with a softness to her voice.
“Nothing scares me,” I tell her, shrugging it off as if it’s nothin’, but if I had to be honest, Miren is right. The fear of loving and losing has always kept those emotions at bay.
She steps down onto the grass before slipping off her sandals and pressin’ her toes into the ground. I watch as she laughs when they sink into the wetness, and when she looks up, there’s an innocence to her I never noticed before.
The sky opens up, and the clouds that have been hangin’ overhead burst, soaking Miren. Her long, dark hair is matted to her, and the dress she’s wearing hugs every feckin’ perfect curve of her body. The softness of her has me hardening. Seein’ her nipples poke through the material has my thoughts delving into the darkness. I want to devour every inch of her.
“Ye like the rain?” I muse.
She looks over at me, and for the first time since I saw her at that mansion as the concrete and bricks crumbled to the ground, I see happiness in her eyes. There’s no stress, no pain or heartache. It’s as if the rain has washed away every worry she carries with her.
And I find myself wanting to feel it too. My feet carry me off the veranda and onto the grass. My boots squelch in the wetness as I make my way towards her. She doesn’t run. Most women would. They’d see me comin’ and cross the street so they’re on the opposite side. Far away from me. A biker who has blood on his hands.
“Close your eyes,” she tells me, and I do. Her hands cup my cheeks. Most women wouldn’t get this close to me. In the past, when I fucked, they’d be bent over, takin’ me from behind. But I allow Miren to place her hands on me.
The droplets are large, and they hit me in ways a shower couldn’t. It’s the coolness of them that makes the knots in my muscles ease. Miren doesn’t release me. When I open my eyes again, she’s staring straight at me. I shrug off my cut and wrap it around her shoulders.
When she looks at me with confusion, I say, “Don’t need the brothers in there seein’ those pretty little nipples. I don’t want any of them lookin’ at ye.”
Her blush is obvious as her cheeks turn a deep red. I take a step closer to her, our bodies flush under the rain. I reach for her arse and grip both cheeks in my hands and lift her against me. I don’t give a shite if they’re watching inside, I lean in to steal her lips.
A soft moan falls from Miren, and I swallow it back as our tongues stroke along each other. The movement sends desire rippling through me. I want to press her against a wall, to rip her dress off and claim her right here. It’s been a long time coming since she walked into my life, into my home. But I won’t do it where all can see.
“Monster,” Miren moans my name, her lips whispering along mine. “I… I don’t know—” Her voice breaks, and I capture her mouth again. I don’t want her to tell me she doesn’t want this. One more taste, just one more, and I’ll let her go. Once I pull away, I lower her to her feet and step back. The rain hasn’t stopped, it hasn’t even let up, but when she looks up at me, I don’t see guilt in her eyes. “I’m not ready for this. Not yet. Can we? Can we just talk for a while?”
Confusion settles in my chest. “Aye, of course. What did ye think? I was goin’ ta walk off and leave ye here if ye weren’t into it?”
She laughs. It’s a soft, melodic sound, and for a moment, she looks at me as if I’m strange. “No. I just know that men get angry when they’re turned down. And I’m not turning you down. I just…” She waves her hand in the air and looks away. “Need some time.”
Surprise bursts in my mind, and my mouth pops open in shock. “Listen to me, and listen good,” I say. “I’m not a feckin’ arsehole. When you’re ready for this, I’ll take ye up to that bedroom and make ye scream my feckin’ name. But until then, we will do as you wish. Talk? Aye, I can talk fer days.”
This makes her giggle. A gentle trickle of a sound. Like water on pebbles, calming and relaxing. I want her to do it all feckin’ day. I still can’t believe she thought I’d be angry about not getting sex. It’s bafflin’ that any man would make a woman feel like that.
I look her dead in the eye and say, “I may be a biker, but I’m a feckin’ gentleman.”
“Well,” she says and pauses for a moment. “I think we should sit down and talk. Perhaps you can tell me about growing up in Belfast, and I’ll tell you about London. They’re very different cities.”
I smile as we head down to the benches and take a seat. I haven’t actually spent time here since I took over. Usually, I’m in the office workin’ or I’m in my bedroom.
“Belfast is one of those cities that settles in yer bones. It’s always had turmoil and violence attached to it. But growin’ up here, I feckin’ loved it. There’s an energy here you can’t find anywhere else in the world. But I guess you’d say that about London as well.”
She smiles and nods. “Yeah, London is an entity. I suppose most cities are. I think it’s the people who bring a city to life. It’s their excitement and love for a place that makes it what it is.”
“You’re insightful for a wee fox that’s still so young,” I remark.
“Well, I studied the human mind, and I think that’s given me a deeper insight into people and their thinking. It’s definitely something I’ve found a passion for.” When she talks about her studies, I can see the excitement that shines in her eyes, in her expression.
And I realise watching her, I want to see that look on her face all the time.