“You’re gorgeous,” I retorted all the right answers I’d compiled over the years. I knew every question that would come my way.
“Is it because I’m not young?”
“No, people see us together and ask if you’re my sister.”
She turned her head and stared up at me. This was the one question I wished she’d never ask, but it came like clockwork.
“Did he stop loving me because I had you?”
Air clogged my throat. No matter how often this happened, it was like dragging a razor blade down my forearm. “Maybe, but it’s not your fault.”
She nodded and turned back away from me. “It’s not my fault.”
I momentarily closed my eyes, forcing back the tears that tried to break free. I refused to cry. She never said she didn’t want me or wished she hadn’t had me. She didn’t need to when my brain did it for her.
Time passed at a snail’s pace. Even as my butt went numb, I stayed exactly where I was. Soothing my mother until she could move from one spot to another. The routine was so familiar that I could handle it in my sleep.
Mom lifted her head, and I cupped her face. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in. This last boyfriend probably had her on some crazy diet. Those were the worst ones, in my opinion. Mom was willing to change everything about herself in the name of love.
I never want to fall in love.
“Come on, mom. Let’s go to the living room so we can watch a movie.”
“Together?” she asked weakly.
I nodded, knowing I wasn’t going anywhere. She leaned heavily on me as we made the few steps to the living room. There was only a coffee table and a futon. Mom flopped over, and I rolled my shoulders, easing the tension. The last thing I wanted to do was sit down. My butt was still tingling from the hard kitchen floor.
Mom reached out for me, and my heart squeezed. It was probably selfish of me that I treasured the days when mom got dumped. She clung to me and rained all the love she had on me. I gave in and laid next to her, hitting play on her favorite movie.
A heavy sigh blew the hair on the back of my neck, and it was time for the second round. I sat up and grabbed the box of tissues just as the dam broke. Tears and snot slid down mom’s face as she cried out for a man who would never return for her.
The rest of the night was on and off the same. She’d go silent and stare at the screen before bursting into tears once again. The next few days would be the same. My only saving grace was that it wasn’t during the school year. The last time I had to miss so much school, I’d nearly had to repeat a grade. I was already one behind.
The sun had long gone down. The crickets outside our small two-bedroom home were a familiar noise that lulled mom. I pulled her favorite blanket up to her chin and turned the tv off.
“Get some sleep, mom.” I kissed her on the forehead.
“You promise never to leave me?”
My stomach tightened, and I nodded.
“He promised too.” She closed her eyes, and I knew she was done talking for now.
I hadn’t noticed when the crickets quieted down or the uncomfortable feeling that came over me. I brushed it all off as I went to clean the ice cream mess in the kitchen. Grabbing the mop, I filled the bucket with hot water. The moment it was full, I turned off the water and froze at the sound of our front door being kicked in.
“Found her,” someone yelled from the living room.
No, no, no, this can’t be happening. I mentally shouted for my body to move. My legs shook so hard I was surprised I hadn’t fallen. A bald man stepped into the kitchen, and his empty eyes landed on me. My world plummeted at that very moment.
It took me far too long to realize he had my mom in his arms. “D-drop her.” Panic rose making me stutter and fumble as I moved toward them.
“Grab her.” He turned away but before I could reach my mom, I was snatched up.
A scream tore from my throat as I thrashed in the man’s hold. “Mom!” It was too dark to look around, and I was tossed into the car’s trunk. My heart pounded against my rib cage as I kicked at every surface around me. “Mom!” There was no answer. The engine started, and the car moved. I felt the dread seep further into my bones.
The entire drive, I kicked and screamed, my voice growing hoarse with every minute that passed. My arms and legs felt heavy, and my hands hurt. “Mom.” I broke out into a fit of coughing. I curled in on myself, trying to catch my breath. The smell of gas clogged my nose, making it harder for me to get my breathing under control.
The trunk opened when I least expected it. I was taken into another building. The hallway felt as if it had gone on forever.