Dad cut me off, smoothing his hand over my hair. “Heather was found. Everyone is at her viewing—well, except Cole. He’s not doing too great. I heard him trashing his room earlier, but now I think he’s just drinking,” Dad muttered the last bit.
Fuck—Cole. I had to talk to him. He deserved to know how she died. I knew how; I could tell him, help ease his mind. After all, I did get a very vivid and detailed story of her rape, beating, and death. In fact, I was forced to suck the bastard off as he retold the story. The asshole was sick in the head and deserved to die. And I would make sure he did, no matter how much it backfired on the clubs.
Because he hadn’t just fucked with me. Now, he’d fucked with family.
I got up off of the bed, ignoring my parents’ protests. “You guys need to go. I need to get a shower and talk to Cole.”
My mom left the room, her eyes filled with worry and concern for me. My dad stood up. “Amelia, watch yourself. Cole isn’t that stable at the moment. Be careful.”
He walked out of the room, and with a tired sigh, I got in the shower. Showering turned out to be a task and a half, and I was damn near in tears when I was finally finished.
When I got out, I got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. And when I shrugged on my leather jacket, I didn’t add my cut on top like I normally did. I couldn’t wear it right now, not with the knowledge that I had a hand in Heather’s brutal end.
I slid on my boots and walked out of the room. I’d done my best to cover the cuts and bruises on the rest of my body, but since I didn’t wear make-up, my face was just going to be seen. And I knew it looked bad. Hell, itfeltbad.
I walked into Cole’s room without knocking. He was sitting on the edge of his bed in just jeans, his upper body bare. He held a bottle of Jack in his hand. When he looked up at me, he glared. “Do you know how Heather was killed?” he asked me, not bothering to beat around the bush.
Fuck, I thought I could do this.
I turned my face away from him, a tear running down my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Cole,” I whispered. “Fuck, it was all my fault.”
He stood up and walked over to me. I heard him set the bottle down, and then he grabbed my chin. I immediately yanked my face out of his hand, panic ensnaring my chest. I slapped his hand away, glaring at him. He stared at me for a few seconds before reaching forward again. He gripped my chin a little gentler and turned my face back toward him. “Amelia, I’m not going to hurt you,” he soothed, his voice a little more controlled than it had been when he first spoke to me. “I just want to know how she was killed. Fuck, Ideserveto know.”
“H-he raped her and beat her.” I choked back a sob, a tear slipping down my cheek. “Then, because she was making too much noise, he shot her, clean through the forehead.” More tears ran down my face, remembering how I heard the story while I was forced to suck his dick until he got off, and the painful memory of seeing her body for days. “He fucked her dead body afterward,” I whispered. Vomit rose, but I swallowed it.
I’d never forget that fucking nightmare.
Cole held my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine. “Did you watch all of that?” he asked me. I shook my head no in answer to his question. “Then, how do you know this?” he questioned, his voice soft as he ran his eyes over my beaten, swollen face.
I squeezed my eyes closed. Fuck, I just wanted to block it all out. I thought I could tell him; I thought I could answer all of his questions, but it was too fucking hard to relive all of that again, over and over, in my mind.
“Amelia, answer me,” he commanded.
I drew in a deep breath, my lips trembling. “I was forced to suck his dick while he told me the story,” I said, my voice shaky from my tears and the emotional roller coaster that I was riding on.
Cole pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly. I tried to fight against him, knowing that him holding me was only going to cause the gate holding my tears in to open wide. He held me tighter, not letting me go, and eventually, I gave in to my emotions. I broke down and sobbed, my tears running down his chest. “I couldn’t save her Cole,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry. When he opened the trunk, I had just woken up and she was lying beside me. She was so cold—”
Cole cut me off byshhing me. “Don’t,” he soothed. “You’ve said enough. You don’t need to say anymore.”
I ignored him. I had to tell him. Now that I had started, I couldn’t stop. “She was in the same room with me for three days,” I choked out. “Fuck, Cole, I could smell her rotting.” He flinched. “I’ll never forget that smell. I don’t know how many times I watched him and his men touch her and fuck her over and over. She was so innocent, and they took that away from her. It was all my fault. I could have just told you what was going on from the start, what they were doing to me, and what they were planning, but I was so fucking stupid—”
Cole pulled my face back from his chest, forcing our eyes to connect. “Amelia, this is not your fault, okay? None of this is your fucking fault. Jesus, he beat you and raped you, Amelia. You’re a victim in this, too. You had nothing to do with Heather’s death. As much as everyone here wants to blame you for that, youcan’tbe blamed. My family is at fault for letting her take off during one of her tantrums.”
I pushed away from him, and my back collided with the wall. I winced in pain, a sharp breath hissing through my lips. I didn’t want to hear this shit.
“Amelia, you can’t say this was your fault. For fuck’s sake, have you even seen yourself? You’re in worst shape than she looks, and she’s fucking dead!” Cole yelled at me, getting aggravated, his temper flaring. “You’ve got to stop this. Admit that you’re a fucking victim, Amelia. Over and over again, he’s done this shit to you, but you keep it fucking bottled up inside—”
“I kept it inside because I thought it was better for everyone else, when in reality—”
He cut me off again. “No!” Cole roared, storming away from me and clenching his fists tightly. I watched the muscles in his back bunch together as his body tensed with his rage. “You kept it in because that bastard terrifies you!”
“He does not!” I yelled back at him, getting fed up with this. Why couldn’t he see that this was my fault? Why was he trying to make it out to be that I was innocent?
Cole stormed back over to me. “He does, and you know it, Amelia! You fucking push it aside because you think that fear makes you weak, but for fuck’s sake, Amelia, you’re the strongest fucking person I know! I don’t know anyone in this club who could go through the shit you’ve been put through and still stay together!” he roared.
“I’m not even together!” I screamed to the point my throat hurt, tears running down my face. “I’m fucking breaking, Cole!”
He wrapped his large, calloused hand around the back of my neck and kissed me. No matter what I had been though, I kissed him back. No matter what, I knew Cole would never hurt me. He would do everything in his power to protect me.