“I get that.” Myron’s smile slipped a little. “It can be hard, though. Doing it on your own.”
Zadie realized with a tinge of shame that she hadn’t given it much thought. Until the year before her disappearance, her mom had always seemed so unflappable, so independent. But it couldn’t have been easy, taking care of two girls with only the money she earnedat the dairy farm. And still she somehow found the energy to make them dinner, brush the knots out of their hair, and bend over their math homework with them until one or both of them fell asleep at the kitchen table.That Nora would never have left her children,Zadie thought.Maybe that Nora was still out there somewhere.
“Yeah. It was hard for her.” Zadie turned her attention back to her line, half hoping they didn’t catch anything and they could just continue to stand there, watching the water.
Ever since she was little, Finn had loved to climb trees. The maple was excellent for climbing. Its branches were broad and sturdy and hung low enough that you could pull yourself onto them without needing a boost. The moss provided a bit of cushion, too, so once Finn had found a perch, she lounged on the bough like a leopard, letting her limbs dangle, and pressed her ear against the bark. She wasn’t sure what she expected to hear. A pulse, maybe? Whispers? If trees could feel, did it hurt when she dug her heels into its trunk? She suddenly felt guilty for climbing it without first asking permission.
On the ground below, Rowan heaved a frustrated sigh as she stepped out of a fresh hole. “I give up,” she said, throwing her spade down at her side. “I was sure it was this one.”
Finn sat up and swung her leg over to face her. “Have you tried any other trees?”
“Yeah. A bunch. But we used to play here all the time as kids. If she was going to be in any of them, I assumed it would be this one.” She sat down hard on the ground and groaned. “Maybe my dad’s right. This is a waste of time.”
“What’s a waste of time?” Juniper and Hazel appeared behind her.
Rowan frowned. “You guys followed us?”
“You should be thanking me,” Hazel said, hands on her hips. “I got Dad out of the house. Now he can’t catch you out here.”
“Where’d he go?”
“He’s fly-fishing with Zadie and Joel.”
Fishing?Finn couldn’t picture her sister participating in any activity that involved sticking her fingers in an animal’s mouth.
“Whatcha doin’?” Juniper asked, looking from Rowan up to Finn, then back to Rowan again. She looked like a forest sprite in her ragged shorts and unwashed hair.
“Don’t worry. She knows,” Rowan assured her little sister.
Juniper grinned playfully at Finn. “Cool, huh?”
“Very cool,” Finn agreed.
Hazel bent down and picked up Rowan’s discarded spade. “I think it’s time we tried a different tree.”
“What tree?” her sister answered bitterly. “I tried all the ones I could think of.”
“What about that one?” Juniper asked, pointing to a nearby cedar. “Or that one?” Another cedar.
“Juni, we can’t just check every tree in the forest. Do you know how long that would take?”
Juniper started chewing on the end of a cornflower stem, which only amplified her puckish appearance. “The whole summer, probably.”
“Well then,youcan spend the summer digging holes, ’cause I’m out.”
Juniper shrugged, plucked the spade from Hazel’s hands, and started digging at the base of one of the cedars.
Finn called down to Rowan: “Do you mean that? Are you really giving up?”
“No, she’s not,” Hazel answered for her. “She says that every day.”
“I mean it this time.”
While Hazel and Rowan bickered, Finn pulled the painted rock out of her pants pocket, felt its heft in her palm. “I’ve wanted to give up, too.”
Rowan gazed up at her. “You have?”
“Yeah.” She reached down from the branches and held the rockout to Rowan. “This rock was supposed to help me find her. I was sure I’d figured it out, but we showed up and nothing happened.”